Hi! I just read your reply on Lora's Busted thread. Wow, it hit me like a lightning bolt. BTW, where were you in Chicago? I would have loved to have hooked up with you during one of those days!!!<P>Anyway, I am reaching the point that you are at right now, and it scares me to death. How did you know when it was the right thing to do---to ask him to move out? I think I may be facing that decision soon, and just want to know how I'll know.<P>I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It just sucks, doesn't it? You are right, though, when something causes such pain and turmoil in one's life, it's time to get rid of the source. That's exactly how I feel about my H. It's so much easier to deal with all of this when he's traveling for business. I'm just not so sure it would be the same if I asked him to leave. I think it would be harder knowing that he may never be back.<P>You are in my prayers. Keep me posted, as I feel as though we are in a very similar position right now......

Hurtin-<P>I was not in Chicago, that is where my H's busness trip was for the past 5 days, and also happens to be his main love nest with the OW. She is in NY(hour flight.) she is in his industry, so she frequents his product shows. <P>I have set many boundries about the ow. the main one was that if he slept with her again, he had to move out, because he could not share my bed and my home as my husband and share himself with another. this was after I found out he had secretly set up a rendevous in Chicago in October(dday in August.) I found the evidence when he returned. I think now I know he lied to me about the November show, he said he had her fly in and fly out in one day/no night. But his cell bill shows he did not talk to her at her home that whole week. Thus, she was there. <P>When it came to this trip I simply could not get myself to believe him. He bought new clothes(dress warm/business)and cut his wedding ring off 2 days before he left. he bought another to cover this fact, for whatever reason. I found this out the morning he left, Sat. I started to obcess shortly before the trip. He never talked about it, hardly. He just said she couldn't come(the morning he left also.) I had to wait for the details until the very last minute. Even then they were unsatisfactory.<P>Then I got sick, a virus from my kids, but it was enough to take the rest of the fight out of me and I lay in bed most uselessly as a mother. I was so depressed I just did not want to get out of bed. I actually told my H how I was feeling over the phone, and there was a hint of concern, or something....but nothing concrete.<P>By the time he came home weds night, it did not matter that he had been with her or not. It was the fact that I could not convince myself to beleive him, I could not "leave it to God," and I let it tear at my soul until I could hardly move. <P>That is how I knew it was time. If an unsubstantiated thought can do that to the delicate self esteem that we BSs work on and try to save; but when the "I don't know the truth" pains you more than you can bear, and the knowledge that every time he goes out of town it could be a rendevous, I had to say enough. <P>It is enough. I give the burden back to him and to God. I love him, and this is the only way I know how to survive without him. And return to the me I have found since dday. <P>I hope the time he spends on his own, he spends well on getting his mind cleared up, and a decision of some sort. I have finally made mine, and I am scared to death, but I have to or self destruct. What kind of mom would I be then? I have to think of us all.<P>Don't get me wrong. This is still plan A, but modified. For now. I did not write a letter, for I am not prepared for "no contact" with him yet.

burnedspouse,<P>I know how you are feeling very well, although the state I'm at and yours a bit different.<P>I didn't ask H to leave he wanted when I didn't know about A. Later I found out and at the time he said he couldn't be honest while he was living with me-- But after moving out he still couldn't. I kept believing him then found the evidence he lied. Then I confronted and he made excuses.. I went on this circle all over, again and again. One thing I found out is, as long as I talk to him I get dragged in this mess.. because he would be nice to me when I talk to him, and I get on this rollercoaster again. I can't do that anymore. It's very sad I(or you) can't trast my(your) H but he's not trying to earn my trust, and whatever he's in the fog or not for me it doesn't matter anymore.. I don't want to be standing at the same place 6 months from now on and I'm pretty sure he will be at the same point.<P>I'm sure you needed a lot of courage to tell him to move out, but I know you did the right thing. You have to care about yourself before your H, and his continuous lies wouldn't do any good to you.<P>I'm not in Plan B, I'm in Plan D. I'm not talking to my H anymore and I just hope to finish paperwork for D.<P>For you I hope your H will see things after him moving out.<P>Hang in there,<P>Meg<BR>