There was a post over on the D/D forum (I just lurk there occasionally since I don't know if I'll end up there or recovery) about pet peeves. It got me thinking (scary, I know)----when WS is with OM/W in their fantasy bubble that they've created, do you think that they act like perfect gentlemen/ladies, or do they act like they do when they're at home? I'm talking the belching, "passing of gas", feeling free to arrange oneself anytime anywhere, and all of those other annoying little habits.....<P>Let's face it, after 10 years, I've seen everything---the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just wonder if OW/M would see how they really are if they'd be as attracted??<P>Sorry, but I guess after being torn apart repeatedly by my H for everything that he can't stand about me, I'm starting to see the things that bug me in him, too......

I imagine that they are on their best behavior, just like we all were when we were dating.<P>I know that my stbx is actually doing dishes at her new place. She wouldn't do dishes here if one of the kids was drowning in the dishwater.

Well, I heard through the grapevine that the XOW thought that my H was the nicest, sweetest most sincere man she'd ever met. My jaw dropped to the floor. I literally was shocked. No one has *ever* described my H like that, including his closest friends - they all know that he's hot tempered and sometimes irrational (they don't know about his BPD, though). I guess he had yet to get to the point where he screamed at her, called her filthy names, and kicked her in the ribs or poked her in the eyes or exhibited other scary BPD behavior, such as blaming and acting paranoid, etc. So I can only assume that he put on his pod-person act for her - acting like the dejected H whom I allegedly "kicked out" to fend for himself in the Big Bad World. Apparently, he must have showed her his non-BPD face for a very long time, until he finally started exhibiting these behaviors, and the XOW believed me instead.<P>The whole courtship in the beginning stages of an EMR is such an act on the WS's part - if only they would show us BS their wonderful sides, there would never be a need for an EMR!<P>belld

Well, when my H was getting ready to meet his online OW - he stopped drinking beer, used herbal supplements (that I sell) to help him lose weight, and just about dissolved his skin removing some ugly warts from his legs and hands. I also found pkgs of assure breath freshener in his briefcase as he tends to have halitosis.<BR> He presented himself as best he could. Since dday - he's put the weight back on....but the warts haven't come back! <BR>I told him though, I love him ...warts and all.

Like a man that he could never be for an extended period of time. I should have known that something was up, he started showering all the time, fixing himself up. But after awhile I found out that he was lying to her to hide how our relationship was. And the act eventually took its toll on him, emotionally and physically. His family is the most important thing to him, so it was destined to crumble and after I found out they started squabbling about things.<P> To OW he was this selfless, good looking, intelligent, good listener who made her (very much opposite to everything that I have listed) feel interesting herself. But the relationship ultimately made my H into something he is not: a lying, cheating, stealing, sneaking around person. And that alone was enough to eventually destroy the A.<P>In reality my H can be the most selfish, egotistical, self centered, pushy, etc person that ever existed, but I have learned to deal with that side of his personality. She never did because, as said before, they only had to be around each other when they could be their best. <P>And no, I am sure that he didn't do all the purely personal disgusting things that he does at home that I don't even notice anymore. Or discuss, as we do sometimes late at night laughingly, about all our bodily problems such as gas and other 'interesting' maladies.<P>But ladies and gentlemen that is real life at its best and worst, something which most A never get a taste of. Or if they do they realize what a mistake was made because the grass really wasn't greener, just well fertilized at the time.<BR>

Well my H told me he was cordial with Ow and as far as telling them about our relationship, he merely told them there was not communication and it seem as sex was a chore.<P>After he told me about the A, he said that even though he wasn't a out right just jerk to come over for conversation and sex, but the OW would be the first to say he was an A**. I guess because he told OW's he was leaving me to go to anyone else, just for now he was not happy.<P>I remember when we met and he was very cordial and nice and polite. But when he did not get his way he was a selfish A**hole. He has gotten much better with me through the years and even if he has a slight set back,he recognizes it and apologizes to me. <P>As far as he says with OW he did have time to explain or apologize for his actions, it wasn't important to him and they were well knowing it wasn't important. It was ok you want to b*tch about things am gone or deal with it, because this is what it is. He was selfishly getting what he needed for and hour or so and be gone. To him in their minds they made it more than what it was, but like he said he was upfront and was being completely selfish in a polite way with OW.<P>Go figure, it must be mind torturing for these WS. To life two different lives and personality. No wonder A never work out completely, even if they leave thier spouses to go to OW/M somehow that relationship was a fantasy and tarnish from the making.<P>My opinion.<P>

My H turned into a romantic big time. I found their E-mails and I still can`t get them out of my mind. He has never said those things to me. I would be the happiest woman on earth if he would say those kinds of things to me. He always says you know I`m not like that. I would like to know if he will ever be like that to me? He truly became a totally differant person. I`m sure as soon as she found out he likes to lay on the couch and watch tv or movies and does nothing else it would have ended anyway. He definatly did not show her the true him.