I've seen some references to BS's visiting an OP Board, I suppose to better understand the psyche of an OW/OP, etc. but I cannot find the link for any such board. Is there one? Thanks.

TOW board <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com" TARGET=_blank>www.gloryb.com</A>

Terrible place, but a quick word of advice for all, and not just those who are "new" here...<P>Don't go over there and slam them. Read what they write, be justifiably horrified by it and learn from (what passes for) their thought processes, but don’t post over there about how horrible they are. It will accomplish nothing besides having them come over HERE and starting the same little skirmishes that flare up every time someone asks for the link to their board.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited January 19, 2001).]

ditto.<P>they see us as 'the rival team'. just read, don't post, and DON'T mention MB.<P>lizpearl

I hope I don't get slammed for this, but there are several OW on the TOW board who have learned from their mistakes and who have become the wiser for it. Several *are* compassionate to the W, and don't feel very good about what they have done. If anything, TOW gives you a good idea of how a WS manages their EMR - what they say to the affairee, how they manage to sneak away, what justifications they give the OW for the EMR, and what they tell the OW about their Ws. Yes, it can be difficult to read, if your hurt is very fresh. But the more you read, the more you see a similar thread among all of the posts - the broken promises, the waffling, the fence riding, the excuses, the "reasons" ... it almost makes you feel as though you, the OW and the MM/H are a part of a big cliche at times.<P>And no, please don't post if you're going to flame. The OW there will answer the questions of a BW if posed nicely and respectfully.<P>belld

Not my intention to post, let alone flame. Only wanted to lurk to try to understand. I suppose I may never, and perhaps I am wasting precious energy that should be focused towards recovery (which is actually going extremely well)?<P>The OW in my case, does not seem at all remorseful and I'm struggling to understand how a woman can do this to another and not feel remorse . . . are they in as much a fog as the WS? Maybe understanding will not help me get over the pain of all this, maybe it will not change my feelings regarding her. . . <P>I also wonder why I am so driven to even TRY to understand the OW perspective . . .there may be no plausible answers for me or that would satisfy . . .

Sad Heart,<P>The OW differs. Just like our WS's differ - some are remorseful instantly, others, it takes time. Same for the OW. They're more than just OW - they are people, too, with their own individual ways of dealing with things and perceiving things.<P>I've heard horror stories from BWs of the XOW stalking them, making death threats, killing household animals, a la "Fatal Attraction..." I've also heard of XOW who were very sane and remorseful, and broke it off immediately when found out, because the reality that they helped hurt a BW finally sunk in. <P>Perspectives will vary, too. There are hundreds of varying reasons for a MM and an OW for getting into an affair. No two are really the same - just similar in the way they eventually play out.<P>belld

Hi there,<P> Oddly enough , reading the TOW has HELPED me in alot of ways.....the broken promises, the lies, the pain and misery....not a happy bunch.It made me realize that the OW was probably upset in alot of ways about my H....<P> Have you read the MM dictionary?...what they say and then the OW"s translation.....they seem to realize that 1)they are being lied to 2) the MM is most likely NOT leaving his wife (even though they promise) 3) there is a good chance they will be dumped when the W finds out 4) having an affair comes with ALOT of pain....LU<P>

Here is another link for you to the philanderers forum some single OW/Om there and may WS's too. Again please don't flame.<BR> <A HREF="http://network54.com/Hide/Forum/3551" TARGET=_blank>http://network54.com/Hide/Forum/3551</A> <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A><P>edited to add link sheesh I'd forget my head if it weren't attached .<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited January 20, 2001).]