Briefly - H has moved out and served me with D papers. Our first court date is set for Monday. It is a hearing regarding the payment of bills, coming to the house restrictions, etc. until the actual divorce.<P>I don't want to do this!!!!<P>I want to crawl in bed and stay under the covers until he wakes up and comes home!!!!!<P>My heart is in my throat and I can't stop crying!!!!!<P>Please, GOD - make it go away!!!<P>I can't live without him - he's in my blood. He's a part of my soul!!!!<P>Some demon persona has taken over my H's body and I can't exorcise it out!!!!!<P>Please, someone help!!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>Thanks for being there! Good Healing - Sheba<P>

Sheba,<P>I don't know what I can do except say I'm so sorry for you. I know how you're feeling. I posted a thread - time to change my name... and my H signed papers last week and I'll be signing them tomorrow. It just makes me sick to my stomach to even think about.<P>I don't know what's better - knowing once I file the papers it'll be over in less than a month or having to go through what you do by having to go to court and face each other. It ALL stinks !! Everything you wrote is how I feel and I just want to cry for you and with you.<P>Again, I don't know what I can do to help except tell you I'm here and I understand your pain.<P>T2W<P>------------------<BR>"In marriage you can be your spouse's greatest source of pleasure, <BR>but you can also be your spouse's greatest source of pain."<BR>- Dr. Harley<P>

Sheba<BR>I'm so sorry. Try to think of this as just one step. It doesn't necessarily have to have the predicted outcome.<BR>You have to take care of you. Make it clear that this is not what you want. Keep doing the wonderful things you've been doing. But start thinking more about you. I know I do this lecture a lot but we need to realize that we are special with or without them.<BR>I'll be praying for you and will check back later.<BR>You are such a tough, special person. this is his loss!

I'm in the same boat, I love my wife but she wants the OM and out of the marriage like yesterday......<BR>Selling the house then the divorse....<BR>I hate this with every fiber in my being....

Sheba,<BR>I can not relate, but I can lend a shoulder. I am so sorry.<P>Maybe this will wake him up. Don't know what to say!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I was served in May, and I am dreading ever having to go to court.<P>I really believe they are mentally ill. <P>

Sheba, <BR>I am so sorry. I know how you feel about the demon guy who used to be the man you loved. I keep telling H that aliens abducted my real H and left me him. H just asked me tonight to get on here and ask if anyone has the answer to a question. He says he doesn't have any idea what need is missing in our relationship that makes him flirt and take it to the line with other women. He has always done it. I sat at the table while he danced with other women. I have had women tell me how lucky I was to have him. "Oh yeah thats why I sit at the table." Sheba I wish I were there to comfort you. I wish there were some neat answers tucked away somewhere. I guess there aren't but we keep trying huh. You have been so good to me, please take care of you. God has a plan, don't we wish he would share it with us? I do an exercise when I am so disillusioned. I remember past times in my life when I wanted things to turn out a certain way, and remember how they actually did turn out. In every circumstance I could remember God had a better plan than me. Keep the faith Sheba, God has a plan.<BR>Love, Karen<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Sheba, I just wish I could make it all be a nightmare, so tomorrow you could wake up and see it wasn't real. <BR>I'm really sorry, but as WS says it's just a step and doesn't really have to mean things won't change. <BR>I'm not really sure of what I'm saying, I'm just so sorry...<BR>We're here, please keep writing, it always helps me.<P>A big hug for you<P>Kat<BR>

Sheba, <BR>I feel for you too!<BR>I'm waiting to hear from my lawyer this week as w went to lawyer a week ago and has a proposal. Supposedly they had one a month ago but haven't heard anything. Everynight I came home I dread finding a message from my lawyer to call him. Tommorrow, er today I get to stay home and try to swallow my heart everytime the phone rings.<BR>I keep flip flopping on the divorce/disillsuionment. I was feeling withdrawal Tues and spoke with her by phone and we ended up arguing about nothing and I ssaid stupid stuff and she said stupider stuff(she doesn't trust me now!!)She said I hadn't changed and still couldn't communicate. Funny thing though is I received a letter from her today she must have mailed before the fight and she commented on how hard I was trying to communication now.

Sheba, <BR>Sorry to hear about this, sorry it is happening. I just read last night that we should not look at divorce as ending the relationship. It just changes some of the ground rules. Dr. Harley once answered someone that we should continue in the course of restoration and reconciliation for at least two years if a divorce is reached. Keep thinking for the best. <P>alleyoop, <BR>I'm afraid I don't have much to say to your H except that if he knows he has this tendency he needs to do things differently. He needs to avoid putting himself in situations that would make it convenient to act inapropriately. Flirting should be with you, and no one else. <P>------------------<BR>Working to Resolve and Rebuild.

Sheba,<BR> I am so sorry to hear about your situation....I always read your posts and think you are a strong caring person. Have you read "Private Lies"?...there is a section in there where it describes the affairees insistence on divorce and how the dynamics work. One wants it (D) and moves almost hypnotically towards it , the other one is devastated ..Then, as the "great love affair" etc. cools and there is regrets ,the other person left behind becomes stronger and starts to feel good. It usually almost happens at the same time....I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish this wasn't happening to you but you WILL become stronger and find happiness . In the book the betrayer almost always tries to come back to the betrayed but oftentimes the betrayed does not want him/her back. I know when I was at my lowest , I read this and it helped me to feel better...If not, please know that we are all here for you.....Lu

((((Sheba))))<P>I felt for a long time like you describe and all I can really offer up is that it does get better. It really does.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><BR>

Hi Patient,(Bobbie)<BR> I'm actually a Bobbie too!! Anyway, I read your profile and am very impressed with the fact that you are doing ok even though divorced....how are the kids? I think we all need to know that things will get better and we will feel better, "NO MATTER WHAT".....you are very inspiring to me! Can you tell me more, what have you done to feel better? ...are you financially independent?....how did your married friends treat you?.....Sorry to ? so much!! Lu .....er ....Bobbie

Sheba,<P>I am sorry this is so hard on you. I wish I knew what to say. I do think it may be a wake up call for him when all this divorce talk becomes concrete. When he has to face you in a court room and discuss the divorce, it may make him realize what he is really doing.<P>They are right when they say divorce doesn't have to mean the end. I'm sure no one ever wants to have to go through a divorce just to find each other again, but don't give up hope of being without him!<P>I loved the story about your niece. It is great that his family is supportive of you. He knows he's doing the wrong thing, it's just going to take a big kick in the butt (and maybe some clueless counseling) to make him stop this nonsense.<P>I will keep you in my prayers!<BR>Shoni

Sheba, hadn't hid under the covers like that since I was a little guy. always left a breathe hole for my mouth. THe magic covers always kept the eveil dark monsters away. Tried it with the evil divorce monsters and it didn't work. But it made me feel better.<BR>I saw a show on tv where they seperated siamese twins. They cut the flesh from one child to another. Its' the same way with us except its done when were wide awake and no painkillers. <BR>The only way I could deal with it was to become my self in the pre-her days. Slowly I began to get her out my system....

You are not alone... My husband is classic passive-aggressive conflict avoider. He wants the separation, I don't. I just can't keep living like I have been. I went to see attorney Tuesday. She is drawing up papers to be signed Tues/Wed of next week. I'm moving into apt 8/20. House on market. Oldest child lives 3 1/2 hours away, youngest child going to college 6 1/2 hours away. <P>I must get into a new mindset, new lifestyle. He wants to have "dinner" once a week to talk. Wants the seperation, doesn't love me, etc, etc, but isn't quite willing to let me go completely. I had planned on a Plan B -- don't know what to do about it. He might do like he's done about everything -- say one thing then do nothing. <P>I'm feeling pretty good in spite of everything. I might as well have been run over by a mack truck, but I'll be okay. Saw my house on internet ad with realtor. My stomach turned over a little. <P>We have to be seperated for one year from date of actual separation before divorce decree can be signed. <p>[This message has been edited by Janie (edited August 12, 1999).]

Sheba,<P>Sorry to hear this. Hang tough girl! This does not necessarily mean it is over. Private Lies is a good book (it was mentioned in someone's post before mine). My pastor told me that a divorce is only a sheet of legal papers. It doesn't mean it will never get back together.<P>Whatever the outcome, God does have a plan. He does work miracles. Read Freedom's post called "the whole story". Miracles do happen, God has a plan, all in God's timing.<P>Hugs and Strength to You,<BR>Pam

Hi Everybody,<P>Thanks for your concern and encouragement!!! <P>Can't write much now, am finishing the stuff I need for the lawyer's appointment tomorrow. Just wanted to let you know that I read and appreciated all your responses. Will write more later or tomorrow after my appointment.<P>H just called - asked if I knew about court on Monday!! Looking for some information some of his bills.<P>Fighter - just want to tell you that what you wrote was exactly how I was feeling: Just wanted to be a little girl again and have someone come and pick me up and take me away to a safe and happy place where I didn't have to live this nightmare anymore!!!!!<P>I have been working excessively for my endurance level and am sore and tired and the court thing was that straw on the camel's back........Just ended up curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep!!!!<P>Aaawww well, this too shall pass!! As they say.....(Just who are THEY anyway?) LOL!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<P>Glad to see your post - it sounds (looks) like you're doing a little better. Keep us posted on how it goes - I know it'll be rough for you, but you can do this. Hold your head up high and I'll be sending good vibes your way .<BR> <BR>You are right that this too shall pass, just think if of as one more step on your journey to recovery (and may bring H back). And if you figure who "they" is, let me know because it's just one more question on my list, that I too have . <P>T2W

Sheba,<BR>Thinking about you and praying for you. <BR>Hugs, Karen<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>