I have posted in other posts but I think this is the best for me. For those of you who dont know my story here it is. I am married for 11yrs. My hubby is 42 and I am 32. This is my 2nd marriage, and due to my 1st failed marriage due to infidelity, i brought old baggage into this new hubby. I started being jeolous all the time and suspicious. Bottom line we now have a 4 month old baby, and he says he is only with me because of him. He says awful things, like he is not in love with me, he hates me, he doesnt care about me, doesnt want to have sex or kiss me. The last 2times we had sex, he refused to kiss me at all, and when i tried he got very upset. My question basically is that this last time we did it, I started to feel this weird unusual feeling afterwards. I started itching the next morning. I have feeling that maybe he has sex with OW, I dont know if there is one or not, but by his behavior i think there may be. Have any of you guys had any experience with this feeling of itching, and kind of felt like numb almost. I hope is not an Sexual disease. I asked him and he said he hasnt been with anyone, but is not interested in me either. he said he is finally tired of all my accusations. I did accuse him of affairs, with everyone at his work, even my family member. I am an awful person and now that i realize what i have done to him i think its now too late to repair. Please help me, tell me anything and the truth please. I really appreciate you guys helping me. I have no friends i can truly trust. sorry tomake it so long. thank you guys.

aa,<BR>first, please make an appointment with a physician and get yourself checked out. Itching could be something minor like a vaginal infection, but if it is something more serious, you need to get treatment.<P>I cannot speak for your situation, but you might want to check out some websites on codependency and sexual addiction to determine if either of these diseases is present in your relationship. I know there is a website recommended by Focus on the Family---i think it is trueintimacy.com---- they have a checklist for both sexual addiction and codependecy which might help you to determine if this id a problem in your relationship.<P>If you do recognize yourself or your husband as fitting either of these categories, please contact a counseling center in your area. Ask for information on support groups in your area. Many 12 step groups are available for free---and they will give you ANONOYMOUS support.<P>I have been, and am still dealing with some of the issues you have described. YOU ARE NOT AN AWFUL PERSON!!!!!!<BR>We all need help sometimes.<BR>Please keep an open mind and check this out.<P>Let me know if I can help!<BR>My prayers are with you!!<P> <P>

Dear aamymail:<P>Thank heavens this is anonymous. I need to ask you where you feel the itching. Is it in your pubic hair? If so, it could be pubic lice (crabs). <P>Post back if yes.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited January 22, 2001).]

I second everybody else, go to a doctor, have a STD (sexually transmitted disease) screen. Neither the nurse or the doc will be surprised or alarmed, they do this every day, they may ask you some questions, answer what you know. I had a similar experience as Sweetpea describes, but it was a bacterial (non-STD, not yeast, but still communicable) infection. My H still denied there was anyone else...until months later.

I kind of hate answering this question because it's icky. But if it will help you, then I'll answer.<P>In my case, YES...I experienced the same thing after my H's affair.<P>I did get checked. Fortunately, I didn't catch an STD. I had some minor infection and the problem eventually went away by itself.<P>Apparently, my fluids & my H's fluids were incompatible with hers....EEEWWWWW!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited January 23, 2001).]

This is going to sound strange, but are you alergic to anything. My wife is alergic to mold/penicillin. It took us years to figure out I can't take any antibiotics my wife is alergic to without her getting a reaction. My wife would be alergic to my fluids. She kept thinking yeast infection. Either one of us could have wondered where the other one "was". When I stopped using those antibiotics her "yeast" problems stopped.<BR>

hey guys,<BR>thanks for the input, no we are not taking any antibiotics and i happened to get my period the day after, so i think maybe it was because of that, but it just felt really weird. Also i am glad that my itching was not on pubic hair, i was scared for a minute, but i noticed it was on the inside area, but it has seem to go away, although i dont know because i havent had any sex again.<BR>I am seriously thinking about just leaving him, or having an affair myself, if he isnt having one i just dont care anymore. I cant take his putting me down and telling me he doestn care if i leave, and not paying attention to me. what do you guys suggest.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by aamymail:<BR><B>I cant take his putting me down and telling me he doestn care if i leave, and not paying attention to me. what do you guys suggest.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well...we always suggest the same thing Plan A away.<P>First off, take heart in that many, many couples have been in the same situation as you (and worse) and regained their love utilizing MarriageBuilders. <P>Stepone, read up on Plan A, and begin those behaviors toward your husband. Stop lovebusting, start trying to meet his needs, listen to his complaints and act on them, instead of developing the deaf ear that so many couples have in emotional withdrawal.<P>Stop acting jealous. It is a turn off key to male sexual desire. It is cute for about 5 minutes early in a relationship. <P>As to the lack of sexual desire:<P>Is your husband under a lot of financial or career stress?<P>Is the new baby a source of friction (I know, duh !, but how has he reacted to the new addition?)<P>In your place, I would stop questioning him about having an affair, and seeing what I could find out quietly on my own. It seems that most wayward spouses nowadays get busted by email and cell phone records. Does he share his passwords? In fact, if he is secretive about these things, or credit card bills, you can almost assume something is going on.<P>I would, of course, strongly echo everyone else that you should go get a full health check if you suspect anything, particularly with a baby in the house. That said, any chance that you (or he) have recently changed soaps or detergents? My W is sensitive to that.<P>Goodluck! And remember, Plan A is a journey for you, to better yourself, so don't make it dependent upon your husbands day to day reactions.<P>Mike<BR> <BR>

You really need to back up in the time line here..When did he start treating you like crap? My H never did until he started the affair- 3 months- 3 months of emotional abuse--I didn't figure it out- thought it was stress of teaching more this semester..<BR>I am taking the baby into consideration here..Isn't there a piece on this web about children...The funny thing about "some" men- they expereince some weird jealousy thing about the baby-<BR>All your time- mandatory- is with that baby.<BR>You have no choice, but he won't see that- he needs the attention to. Are you finding time for you guys-are you meeting his needs. If he is hurt and his needs aren't being me, he displaces his feeling onto you through anger and hurting your feelings. What would be the most hurtful thing--sex and affection--you need that and he is withholding it..You have to plan A so it is reciprocated. You have to at least TRY---Try to make this marriage work...If you need help, get some counseling--it can't hurt you to know who you are and what you need to have a successful marriage and life.

Dear aamymail:<P>You say you're seriously thinking of<BR>"having an affair myself, if he isnt having one i just dont care anymore." <P>This is called a Retaliatory Affair. It would solve nothing. Rather it can bring in a laundry list of new problems and possibly destroy what's left of your marriage.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess