Hello, <BR> Let me recap a little on our situation. H confessed to me that he has been unfailful to me through out our 20 year marriage, he said that the confession was compelled by God. He said that he wanted to work on our marriage, It's like he wants me to do all the working on it, while he just finds ways to avoid it, so I told H that it is time for a seperation. He asked me why and I said , well I am alone all the time,there is no time to work on the marriage, I see you exactually 10 hours a week, and I have been handling everything,and I am left alone in my own sorrow over what happened, no support from you at all.His response was fine if it will help our marriage and keep you from always wanting to talk about it.I honestly feel that he wants to stay married only because God says a divorce is wrong, but what kind of marriage do we have now? He gets home at 5 am, and sleeps until 12noon and then leaves the house for work at 1pm. He only had 2 days a week off and on those days he takes care of his personal business.Doesn't he see that this is the time where he needs to be with me not away from me, and to top it off, he says the reason he had one night stands is because he was left alone when he went away on work assignments.well he is still leaving and being away. I don't want to ask him to quit is job, that would be wrong of me to ask such a thing. I have mentioned to him before about taking time off to pay some attention to the marraige but he says he can't get the time off. What should I do?

Hopefully Jim or someone will respond to this and give you advice from a veteran, but from what you say, your H simply isn't committed to the marriage, and is more concerned about himself. He should quit his job or alter it in some way so that he can spend time to properly work on your marriage, if that is what he wants.<P>All I can suggest is buying him books from this site. Check out the General Welcome from NSR on the Just Found Out forum, if you haven't already, for the books HN/HN and SAA.<P>He isn't putting anything into the marriage, just going through the motions and doing what he wants.<P>I really feel for you, and hope that something changes. Talking to Steve Harley would be a good start, because he would eventually want to talk to your H I would think. Give it some thought, even just for you. Are you Plan Aing?<P>Given that he is still at home, are there ENs that you might not be meeting. If he isn't willing to initiate any change, then the action falls on your shoulders. What can you do to make him want to be home more? Think about that and see what you come up with. There is always something that you can do. Take care of you.