I've been working on my marriage for almost 1.5 years. W hasn't tried at all!! W moved out Dec. 2, 2000 to see how she feels for me! During January, W has been e-mailing OM once every 3 days. Some sex stuff and she loves him. He lives 1000 miles away. W wants to go see OM. This morning, I saw e-mails that OM replied with, on how the phone sex was so great and how he got off! OM also said he liked the porn pict my W sent to him; picts were NOT of her.<P>W is suppose to be finding what feelings she has for me! Well, we can see what she is really doing! I'm sick and tired of this crap!!! I do love her, but I feel that it may be time to let her go!!! I want to ask her what she needs in a marriage (She told me before, but she doesn't want it from me)!!! Then I want to confront her on these e-mails!!! Then, I'm going to ask her "What if I want to divorce you?" I will be hurt by a divorce, but this crap is killing me!!<P>I don't know what to do!! I can't get rid of OM because OM is my W's fantasy. I'm tired of the fight!! W has no respect for me or herself!!!<P>What should I do? Should I talk to Harley again??? What the H**l is going on in this world?????!!!!

Strongly suggest you talk to Harley again...my thought is that you prob. need to go to Plan B, but I'd def, get his input on timing & setting it up...<P>

Sorry that things are this way. I completely understand your frustration with this. I'm also quite fed up.<P>What happened with your wife's one session with Steve Harley? Is this an internet affair, or someone that she knew otherwise?<P>You know all about the fog and the addiction/fantasy of the affair, I'm assuming. All this phone sex stuff and her exchanging pictures is just part of the fantasy.<P>Do you have kids? If you reach the point of being unable to withstand it anymore, then perhaps time to think of Plan B. Maybe a talk with Steve would help. Certainly it would help regardless just to reiterate what it is all about. I can see you are extremely frustrated.<P>Have they met in person? Keep in mind that these "moving out to see how they feel" is really moving out to be free of us and to be able to carry on with the OMs. Standard stuff.<P>Hang in there and don't make a hasty decision that is based on reactions. Think carefully. I saw emails that my wife wrote to OM, and they we're absolutely sickening....stuff like "I love the hear you breath when I sleep beside you at night"...bla bla bla. I was infuriated at first, but managed to suppress those feelings. So at least take it slowly, because right now she wants you to be the bad guy.<P>I'm not a good one to talk right now, because I'm also reaching a point where I'm tired of the crap, but I do know that we have to relax and make our best decisions.<P>

Hello,<BR>I'm not qualified to give you any advice, but I've just passed the point you are at. <P>The day I finally said enough is enough was the best day of my life. I was no longer going to let her drag me further into her fantasy world. It was time for me to stop trying to make her happy. She is the only one that can find the happiness she wants. I also stopped expecting her to meet my EA. Now, I have not shut her out completely, but I've set boundries that protect myself and our kids. She needs help overcoming her addictive habits before we can work on our marriage. I was tired of the pain and the effect it was having on our young kids. It's up to you to set these personal boundries. <P>My trip back to reality has been a blessing in disguise. I've never been a religous man, but seeing the truth helps you deal with the truth. I honestly prayed for the first time in my life to help me and somehow, someway I rose above the fog and saw what our life had really become. ALMOST OVER NIGHT!<P>If you want to get above the fog, you have to climb higher. I'll pray for you. the only thing you have to lose at this point is your pain.

Rick37 - I made an appointment with Harley for Wednesday. I need to get his advise as to what to do!<P>My W's session with steve was not that good. My W's attaitude was that steve told her nothing new, that she already knew and that no one can change the way she feels. OM was W's sister's ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago. W has been e-mailing OM for 4 years now and has had an EA with OM for approx. 1.5 - 2 years. We have no kids. A true plan B is what probably needs to be done! I don't know! W is so infatuated with this OM. I don't think things can improve with our marriage until she actually meets this OM to see if there is a future so W can get OM out of her system. Who knows!!<P>I'm not going to do anything until I talk to Steve! I feel snooping into her e-mail is not helping me emotionally, but I need to know what W is really doing!

I'm glad that you have an appointment with S.Harley on Wednesday.<P>If you are losing love for your wife, then it's time for Plan B. After discussing your situation with S.Harley, he'll be able to give you a better perspective on if you're ready to go into Plan B or not.<P>I can imagine how hard & painful this has been for you. Stay strong and when you have to vent...come here to do it.