This is a repeat of a post from earlier. I really need some more input on this one...<P>We had a long talk yesterday. She told me she's at the end of her rope and can't hold on. She said the only reason she's still here is because of our girls. She said she doesn't have anything left to give. After much talking, she agreed to read SAA, but that would be her last attempt at our marriage. Then she took it a step further.<P>She asked me to start sleeping on the couch. She says she's uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with me. At first I told her I wouldn't. Then she said, "then I will." She has bad problems with her hips and I know that if she sleeps on the couch, she'll be in a lot of pain the next morning. I don't want that to happen to her. So, I agreed to sleep on the couch.<P>Oh my goodness did that feel bad. I felt hurt, disrespected, shunned, angry, sad. I also didn't sleep well. We've always agreed since the day we got married that neither of us would ever make that request of the other. We're married, and no matter how angry we might be at each other, we end the day in the same bed. I've never physically hurt her. I've never tried to force sex on her. I could understand her request if I had ever physically threatened her. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I don't deserve a request that would be appropriate for someone who abuses his wife.<P>So, I want to return to our bed. But if I do, it may be a disrespectful judgement (I don't want to do that either). Am I over reacting? If I tell her I plan to sleep in our bed, she may withdraw even further (I <I>really</I> don't want that)! If I stay on the couch I'm not being fair to me. I can deal with not being fair to me, but this goes pretty deep for me. It just feels sick and wrong.<P>What do y'all think. Above all, I want to love and support my wife. But how do I tell her in a loving and respectful way that I don't want to do this? I'm willing to find other solutions to her discomfort. But I <B>really</B> don't want to sleep in different places.<P>Help!<P>And thanks again,<P>------------------<BR>Bill<BR>~~~~<BR>Remember the truth that once was spoken, "To love another person is to see the face of God."

Bill ... lots of promises are broken when an affair is involved.<P>Bottom line is, if you are in Plan A, you eliminate all LB's and attempt to meet emotional needs as allowed. Plan A is NOT easy, and it often asks us to do things that we are not happy with.<P>How much do you want to save your marriage? If a few weeks of sleeping on the couch might save your marriage, don't you think it would be worth it?<P>Only you can decide that.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<P>I honestly do not believe that by not doing something someone asks..it will be an LB. It is your bed, you are entitled to sleep in it. If she wants to sleep on the couch, that is her problem. I would (if I were you) calmly tell her that you will be sleeping in the bed from now on so that you can get a good night of sleep. If you do something you don't want to do, you will become resentful of her. Just my opinion.

We Will Survive,<P>Thank you for your opinion. But I think Terri is right when she says "If a few weeks of sleeping on the couch might save your marriage, don't you think it would be worth it?" My goal is to be the best husband I can be and give my wife as much safety and love as I can from this day forward, even if it means having to cope with this kind of request for now. While I disagree with this, she's uncomfortable! Apparently right now, this is the only way to decrease that discomfort, and so I listen, learn and <B>do</B>. I make my feelings known to her and cope as best I can. My concerns about this are based largely on my past beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I still believe that a husband and wife belong in the same bed at the end of the day. The difference now isn't my feelings, it's how I can and do react to them.<P>On the other hand, this <I>is</I> <B>extremely</B> difficult. She told me last month that hugs were off limits (I love hugs! ) and that broke my heart. Now she says no more kisses goodbye in the morning and I have to sleep on the couch. Most of the little things that are important to me, many of the things that have provided me with some hope and motivation are being knocked off one-by-one. This hurts so much. But if she slept out there she'd be miserable all day, every day (I mean physical pain). I can't contribute to that.<P>I did tell her last night how this makes me feel. She hinted that it would be short lived. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm willing and able to wait.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Bill<BR>~~~~<BR>Remember the truth that once was spoken, "To love another person is to see the face of God."