I think I've posted about this before but I am still having a problem accepting that my H has to have a private password for his email that I can't get into. What is he hiding? This is driving me crazy. My email is open to him because I have absolutely nothing to hide. I have accessed his email before and found email and cards to the OW which I confronted him with (which is why he now has a private password). Yes, I understand I shouldn't be snooping but my intuitions haven't failed me yet. I have to know if I'm being played for a fool. Does anyone else have a problem like this and how should I handle it? Also is there a program I can get that will let me find out what he's sending and receiving in his mail? Yes, I am prepared for whatever I might find. Am I obsessed? Yes, I am, but I have to do it. Please help!

My H didn't need private email to contact the OW - he just contacted her from work or his cell phone. He has always kept his passwords for some things private, and I think to a certain extent that is just the way he is. He never told me his ATM password on our joint account - not that it would do me any good or him any harm, since if I wanted to clean out the account I could have done that with my card.

xinlaw,<P>There is a program called "Net Nanny". You would definitely know if H is writing to her. But H would know you have this program and it would be a LB! And of course, he could give you his password, but can still have another email address that you would not be aware of. So... Check also at: www.crosswalk.com I think they have a free program you can download.

I had the same problem with my W 6 months ago-we had seperate screen names, but both used the same password. One day, i went online with her screenname, and didn't realize it until it said my password was wrong. I confronted her about it, and she said she forgot her password because it was so long since she last used it. I ended up calling AOL, and because i was the account holder, i could change her password to one i knew-i don't know if you can do that or not. I then checked her email-and my suspicions were right- i found not only e-mail from men, but the ones that hurt were the ones she sent to them-very sexual. I felt like she had cheated on me. What i did was gave her no option, because i caught her-i went to a new ISP that would let you use only one screenname, so if they send her e-mail, they send it to me also. She can still delete it out if i don't check it first, but she is risking the chance that i might get one before she has a chance to get to it. I also emailed the men and told them she was married, and that i was her husband-All of them apoligized and said they didn't know, and backed off, whether they meant it i don't know. So far, i have not caught her sending or recieving any email- I don't see what your H could possibly do over his personal email that is legitimate that you should not have the chance to see. Stop it now if you can.

zinlaw -- I have this concern as well. When I first found out about my W's affairs (internet) it was by finding that she had a secret E-Mail account. I had asked her many times if she had one, and she always denied it.<P>When I told my W that I was posting here, and asked her to read what I had written, I gave her my E-Mail password and my screen name password here as well. The only passwords I have that my W does not know are passwords at work (I have access to some very sensitive stuff, and I think she understands, after all she works at the same place I do.)<P>When she first started posting here, she gave me her E-Mail password. After a couple weeks, people here convinced her to change her screen name. I no longer have the passwords.<P>Does it matter?? NO Does it bug me?? YES<P>God Bless

Thanks all for your response. I know this shouldn't bother me but I just believe if you have to have secrets from each other there just has to be something wrong. I told him how I felt about it and he fixed the email account so I can log onto it any time I want. However, like someone said, all he has to do is delete everything he sends immediately afterward and I can't find anything. He is trying to regain my trust. I wish I could stop all my suspicions. I spent 14 years trusting him totally and now after one indiscretion I can't seem to get the trust back. Does it ever come back?

maybe try "winguardian". i forget the details, but i read about it on this board. look for it on a search engine, maybe?<BR>i hear it is pretty undectable, and it shows everything.

In our pre-marriage years, my H and I had this same conflict; he could be very private about his email and phone calls. Like you, I felt there should be no secrets from each other. I certainly had none from him.<P>We went round and round about this. I finally told him that I wanted his password to be able to check his email if I felt insecure, or I was going to change MY password. Fair is fair, right? It wasn't the greatest tactic to use in the world but it got results. He grudgingly gave me his password and once he saw sweeter responses from me in general, I think he finally eased into it being okay (the lack of privacy). I think he finally weighed the results...less "nagging" and arguments from me in general WAS worth giving me the password in the long run. And he finally got used to it. <P>Now that we're married and use the same computer anyway, neither of us have any qualms about our screen names and passwords. This was a major step in our relationship--my H has been described as a very "separateness oriented" person psychologically, and it took a lot of trust for HIM to share that password. And now that it's not an issue, I rarely check his email any more.<P>It, of course, would be best if your H will willingly share information. <P>We've always used an aol add-on program called Powertools. This can be downloaded directly from "BPS." It logs email, chat sessions and instant messages. We've found it quite handy for sharing information, especially because we work opposite schedules. A great way to keep updated on any plans one may make for the both of us, etc.<P>Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

Get a Key Logger program. It will record every single key stroke made on a PC. Then you can review the log file and review it. Believe me you will be able to tell right away everything that he is sending BUT it will not record any incoming stuff. I had suspicions about my wife's activities on the net and with this program proved me correct. Go to any search engine and put in key logger, I bet you will get several hits. Good luck

Well, he said the affair was only verbal and we used to use the same account. Then one day I couldn't go on line anymore. Back then I didn't use the computer too much, I was too busy taking care of his business. Then one day I needed to e-mail to my daughter in college and couldn't get on line. When I asked him why he said he had changed the password and couldn't remember it, but he would try and open it in a minute. He wouldn't tell me the new password so I got smarter than he on the computer. He didn't know that I had set it up to save all sent mail and that you could read all deleted and sent mail from a different folder! I found out it had been much more that verbal, and it hurt terribly to read not only what she had written him but what he had written her and some of the stuff was about me. Confrontation and then I offered to get him his own personal account to rebuild that trust factor, Thank God, he asked me WHY?! It was a true love bank deposit and told me how far we had come and how badly he really felt about everything! I don't believe in snooping unless your ready to handle some hurt but you probably wouldn't snoop if you thought nothing was going on anyways. Good Luck! I pray for us!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>