Let me begin by explaining what exactly our wedding rings meant to me. I often "hounded" my H about wearing his, and we very often joked about it.He knew if he wasn't wearing it, I would be sure to say something, kind of like a private joke for us.<BR>But even if I was a "nag" about it, he also understood what they meant to me and the symbolism behind them. And I also understood the reasons behind why he may have taken them off(handy work, sports, yardwork)...<BR>Anyway, above all they represented our past present and future, a circle of our lives. They held our story of what was lived and what was to come for us. They also represented the fact that we had chosen our partners for life and pledged that love to each other before God. I wore mine for those reasons, and with pride that he was my true love. I believed in the institution of marriage and that it meant for better or worse, for the rest of our lives.<BR>The minute he slept with her he decided to share what was supposed to be ours with someone else without my consent. He separated the "partnership" because I was not given a choice or consulted. And he has also changed my outlook on love and the institution of marriage. Because of his selfishness he has changed me into a cynical person. He has put me in a position in which I must go against all I have promised myself(especially to not allow anyone to betray me and to leave if they did) and all I believe in regarding true love. And I now I hate the person I have become, miss who I was, and have to learn how to live with this person I have become. I have to accept this, and work like he** to try to salvage what I can of myself, my marriage and to keep my family together.<P>My H has often asked what I need from him, and I say to feel special. I need the mushy stuff, romance, ect(I think you all know what I mean). He still has yet to deliver it. Without going into it, I have expressed this all in therapy, and now will wait...but what about the rings?<BR>He asked me the other day why I hadn't been wearing them for the past few days. I stopped wearing them 3 months ago...My reply was they had lost their meaning, I had lost my belief in all that and felt odd wearing them when all they represented had been tarnished.<BR>I have an idea, yet unsure how to approach it. I want to give him my rings, and explain to them that when we are ready, I would like to reset them and renew our vows. I have said this in passing, but I want to convey to him that I need this, but also need it to be his idea as to when,(kind of like a new begining, another engagement) But on the other hand, don't want to pressure him to feel he has to be a mind-reader, to know when we are ready. It's just that the more of it he does on his own, the more sincere he would be to me. I know he knows he really messed up, and believe he will not do it again(Yet not as blindly as I did before) Any ideas on how to get this across to him without "Love-busting"? <P>

Not Giving Up,<BR>It's not "love busting" to tell your H how you feel. Honesty is crucial in the revival of your marriage. Since the symbolism of these rings have such a deep meaning to you, you NEED to tell him. The difference is in the manner in which you express those feelings. <P>Be careful about using accusatory statements. "the minute YOU decided to share,,YOUR selfishness,,YOU put me in the position..." and so on. I know you were expressing those feelings to us and that's ok. Just be careful to not allow them to slip into your conversation with him. You can still express those same feelings but use words like.."I feel the decision to,,A selfish desire,,I was in a position,,," Relate how YOU felt,,NOT what HE did. Perhaps even write it out first, so you know exactly what you want to say, you have it all included without missing any important parts and you have eliminated any statements that are going to make him feel defensive. If he's made to feel he has to defend himself, he's going to do so, and miss the whole point of the conversation.