The counselor with whom I am most likely to work says that his broad principles and philosophies would be similar in tone and approach as those spoused by Phillip McGraw in his "Relationship Rescue" book and of Oprah TV show fame. I bought the book and fund myself almost exactly described in the intro and first chapter. I was wondering if anyone here has read it and if so how helpful or instructive you found it to be for your situation.<P>Ivory

Yes read it and did all the exercises. I am convinced that doing so saved my marriage. YOu must be brutally honest at times, and what you may discover may not be what you expected. But what an eye opening experience it was for me. I learned what types of behavior I had been caught up in and how destructive it had been to my marriage. I also was able to accept my responsibility in the downhill run that it took - let me say though that there is a limit to where that responsibility begins and ends. While I was not contributing, I was not and never will be responsible for my H affair. That was entirely his choice and his responsibility.<P>It talks about things that trigger certain responses too. And that is a very important part. You may be acting on things that you don't even realize. By identifying them you can discover what the real 'problem' is before doing something that is damaging to the relationship that is totally unrelated.<P>I think that the most important point of the whole thing though is founded on open and honest communication. As Dr Phil told someone point blank on a show "you have no right to ***** about this behavior if you have not taken the time to set down and talk to the other person about it. Shared your feelings honestly, not hurtfully and have given them an opportunity to respond". <P>So in a nutshell, yes the book is down to earth and straight to the point. But if you do it, you will see results. But you will only get out as much effort as you put in which is an individual thing. If you are serious about rebuilding your marriage to something new and better, the book can be a very useful and important step in the right direction.

Add my endorsement!<P>Dr. Phil - BOTH books saved my life and marriage....most realistic of any of the relationship books I read. Highly recommend!!!<P>Lori

I too endorse this book. It is straightforward and to the point, and is a reality based approach to repairing your marriage.

I haven't read that book <B>yet</B>, but I've started the Life Strategies book by Dr. Phil.<P>I love his approach and it was a good kick in the pants for me. I'm a good one to complain inwardly about things, but I never spoke up to the one person who needed to hear it.<P>After just a few chapters in the first book, I sat down with my H and told him how I felt when we argued. My H would be downright emotionally abusive and he knew how to turn the tables so I wouldn't keep badgering him. I silently disliked him and our marriage of 1 year.<P>Since taking the time to sit with him we've had much healthier conversations and although we haven't argued yet, I feel as though it'll go much healthier.<P>I know I'm off the beaten path here, but I give a big thumbs up for anything from Dr. Phil.<P>Good luck to you - I've read your posts since you first asked how to break the news to your W.<P>God bless you!<P> <P>------------------<BR>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt