Things have been crazy busy for me the last week for a variety of reasons. That and a fear of tempting the fates has kept me from posting.<P>Last Thursday night (H's night with the kids), he called to suggest that he bring dinner here and we all go to an indoor playground afterwards. I agreed. He brought me roses. I was at first delighted, but then went into protective mode in my head wondering if it meant he was going to tell me some more bad news. I calmed down a bit after I realized he was having an A, had already filed for a D, and had moved out. I figured it couldn't get much worse.<P>After the kids went to bed, he started the conversation by asking if I still thought there was any hope for us after all the terrible things he had said and done. I thought that was a nice opening! We had a long discussion and I got to the point of thinking that if he wasn't really serious about trying this time, at least his efforts each time were getting better. (How is that for gallows humor?)<P>He was scheduled to be out of town at that point for most of the next 2 weeks on several different business trips. I told him I needed some concrete steps this time before he came here to stay. He agreed and the next morning, he gave notice on his lease, called his attorney to dismiss the D, and told OW it was over. He didn't give me a lot of details other that he had made it clear that it was final this time.<P>The next day after that I got a call from OW. Yes you read that right. She called me and asked if we could talk. About 10 rotten scenarios ran through my head in the space of the 1 second it took me to say yes. She wanted to apologize to me! She also said that she had moved back in with her H the night before and was going to do what it took to make her marriage work! I don't particularly care if she is ever happy again in life, but I will pray for her marriage to recover, because that will make mine safer! <P>One of the interesting things my H said last week is that it always looked like it would take so much hard work and time to fix our marriage and there were no guarantees and that that had been a real barrier for him. What he has realized by being separated is that D is for the rest of your life and because of the kids, you are never realy separated from one another and there is no real hope that it will be clean and totally happy at some point. He said that 1 or 2 years of working on our marriage with the hope of real, lasting happiness at the end looks pretty good in comparison.<P>This is obviously promising news for us, but after the roller coaster of the last 2 months, I am still cautious. He is taking some steps this time to meet my ENs and that is new! It feels so good to have him do something nice. I feel like a plant in the desert getting some drops of rain for the first time in a long time!<P>It is hard with him gone so much at this point of time, but it also means he is away from OW. We have made plans to meet in Florida next weekend. That should be good for us. Things are a little awkward here. Neither of us is quite sure how to act. I left for a church meeting the other day and kissed the kids goodbye and ignored him! I have to unlearn some recent habits.<P>When he is back from all his traveling, I'm hoping we can start counseling right away. We've both had an amazing ability to get along with each other as friends and parent well even during this last year of extreme he** so I'm worried we'll fall back into that pattern without the accountabilty that counseling brings.<P>I fully expect to keep posting here, but I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for you care and support. I don't mean this lightly: I don't think I could have made it this far without you all. I will continue to support you and pray for you the best I can. It may not be quite as often because someone else needs my attention now too!

Exhausted - all of my hopes are with you and H. Both of you, please set an example for the rest of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I want to paraphrase this quote in the next letter to my wife:<P>"What he has realized by being separated is that D is for the rest of your life and because of the kids, you are never really separated from one another and there is no real hope that it will be clean and totally happy at some point. He said that 1 or 2 years of working on our marriage with the hope of real, lasting happiness at the end looks pretty good in comparison."<P>WAT<P><p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited January 25, 2001).]

Hi Exhausted,<BR>I have not been posting on here very long, but being the sentimental fool that I am felt the need to say congrats to you. Your story actually brought a tear to my eye. I only wish that my wife would have the same revelation as your husband. <P>I am also going to quote the same paragraph as WAT to my wife, and hope that she can learn from someone who has been there. <P>My heart goes out to you and your H and I surely hope that things go well for you.<BR>~Mike~

Exhausted,<BR>I'm delighted for you!!!!! <P>I LOL when I read that you were:<BR>"wondering if it meant he was going to tell me some more bad news. I calmed down a bit after I realized he was having an A, had already filed for a D, and had moved out. I figured it couldn't get much worse."<P>I've had thoughts similar to that when hearing the words "can we talk?"<P>I know I didn't begin posting over at the Recovery Board until almost 6 months after my H moved home--I know about that jinxy feeling.<P>You go girl.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Hi,<P>So glad to see your post. We were wondering. Even more glad to see its positive.<P>Can you tell me what conditions you have suggested to him before he comes home?<BR>Lora

WOWWWW, what an update!!!<P>Wishing you both the very best and a wonderful future. This recovery road is bumpy too but gosh, is it ever great where the asphalt starts!!

I was so happy to read your update. Have in Disney world. You will be in my prayers. <P>So do you have a plan? Think that has always been one of our problems we just think things will work out. Know what you mean by getting long, that you will fall back in that pattern.<P>Like the rest loved what your H had to say about working it out, may use that on mine.<P>Keeping fingers crossed for you.<BR>

Exhausted -<P>That is absolutely incredible. I am so happy for you and your H is certainly a lucky man to have another chance. Just try to take it one day at a time, don't worry about the long-term right now. Don't expect too much too soon (and the same goes for your H) and you should be okay.