I need help, I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been married for almost 3 years now and we have been together for 6. We used to get along so perfect. We was open and talked about everything. Now everytime he opens his mouth he lies. This is the second time he has had an affair with the same woman. He says it's because I couldn't let things go after the first time. He only gave it 3 weeks. Now he still tells me that I am his one and only true love. And that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. But that we just can't be together. I think that is such a cop out. So if he loves me so much the way he says, then why is he not willing to try harder to work out our problems? Why does he find it just so easy to run away? Is he just saying these things because he doesn't have the heart to tell me the truth? Most of the time, I Know in my heart that he truly loves me. But I don't know how to reach him anymore. Because all that seems to come out when I try to talk to him, is anger. I try not to be that way, but it's so hard. When I feel what he has done is so selfish and cruel. Because the whole time we have been together, he has always preached how there's nothing he hates more than a lier and cheat. Then that's what he becomes. That's what makes me soooooo mad. How can he have said that all this time, and not see how wrong it is what he has done? And do something to make it right? So do I just give up? I know he doesn't love her. I know this woman very well. She did my hair for 13 years and also cut my childrens hair since they could barely walk. She has all the characteristics he hates. So why does he go there? Sorry, so disorganized, I'm just confused about everything. Everyone that knows us tells me to just forget him. Get a divorce because he doesn't deserve me. (I waited for him when he went to prison for 2 years.) And they all say they can't figure out what he could be thinking. I can't either really. Maybe I have been to good to him. If anyone could please give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I love my husband with all my heart. But he is a different man now than he was when I fell in love with him. But sometimes, when something drastic happens, I can see the person that I fell in love with....But then in a few minutes he is gone again. And he shuts me right back out again. Is it possible to ever get through the wall he has put up around himself?

Gizmo,<BR>This won't make you feel better exactly, but if his ending & resuming the affair all took place in less than a month, it is still just an ongoing affair. I'm beginning to think it is pretty rare for an affair to be ended upon spouse discovery and for there to be no further contact.<P>Lying and affairs go hand in hand, so the lying is part of his betrayal, not a separate problem. It's tough to take, though, I know.<P>Basically, if he is saying he loves you, but can't be with you right now, he's keeping you on a string, or stand-by.<P>At this point, you can make a choice...if you want your marriage, then work for it with Plan A. It will take a lot of patience & love and learning not to lovebust--no angry outbursts or thoughtless decisions and all the rest. It is also likely to take some time for his affair to end.<P>You can always divorce him later.<P>You don't have to decide right now, you might want to wait a week or so as your emotions settle. Decide what you would want for your marriage if you could have it anyway you want.<P>In my own marriage, 3 years after this all began for me, my H & I are in recovery. It gets rocky at times, but I do see both the man he was before this, combined with a wiser new man--the bad brain guy is almost completely gone. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8