My H teaches at the University at night- Regular Job 40hrs...He has ex-students intern at Job. In Aug. had 2nd intern come in - prev student of winter and spring term- Had affair with ex- student (ow) beginning end of Oct. Until Jan---<BR>I want to know if anyone had a spouse that cheated from an obsessive person- This girl revealed that she did extra work to get attention- Always tried to have something in common with me when he spoke of us in class- Told him where she worked in spring as an invitation- had sexual fantasies of my H. ( this is in the spring) My H hired her in Aug when another student couldn't intern- no emotions towards her.<BR>She would ask about our relationship- ask my H out.... Then after a friends suicide, robbery... My husband started having feelings...Then acted on them in Oct/Nov.<BR>He tells me now that she would have all kinds of problems for him- car, abusive ex-boyfriend...He became her knight in shining armour.<BR>She said she wished she was in my shoes. Wanted to have sex with him when our daughter was in the emergency room and he was away--after their first kiss...<BR>During the A the ow mother and father were incouraging it- wanted him to spend the night- thinking of finding me a man---<BR>Asked to buy my H things...the father wanted to buy his daughter things and say they were from my H.<BR>They had dinner, lunches together---One big happy family....<BR>When I found out I called her mom- Her mom said the ow was out of the picture for good.<BR>The ow apalogized to me- told me she would never see h again.<BR>The ow told my husband that her mom told her to wait two months and then she could talk to my H again---<BR>I am afraid they are all crazy- I want to get an order of protection against her=--I have a 2 & 3 year old she has played with.<BR>She wants to be me? My husband doesn't want me to ruin her life....Wait until she tries contact again first....I didn't want to wait for the first crazy act to happen.<BR>Is she crazy, Am I overreacting- professor fantasy to an affair- She thought they would marry, have kids...My H said no- he would never marry again, is getting a vasectomy- she said she'd change his mind.....What was she thinking.....He was not promising her anything.....HELP

Been there!!! H's OW was his former secretary (she was actually an office temp)<P> ask my H out>>>> after she quit working there she started calling him and asking himout for "drinks"<P>.... Then after a friends suicide, robbery... My husband started having feelings...Then acted on them in Oct/Nov>>> My H was under a lot of stress, we'd had some major life situations, early mid life crisis, depression. She lucked into things at teh perfect time.<P><BR>He tells me now that she would have all kinds of problems for him- car, abusive ex-boyfriend...He became her knight in shining armour.>>> <P>Yup, she used to go to H for advice becasue he was older and knew so much. Barf! Trust me, my H is NO John gray or Dr. Phil McGraw lol. She was a "poor single mom" with a mean drunk boyfriend who "wished she could find a guy like my H for herself" boo hoo<P>She said she wished she was in my shoes>> OW thought that someday she could be a stay at home Mom and live in OUR house! <P>The ow apalogized to me- told me she would never see h again.>>> <P>Same here! Well first she apologized but when I said I was keeping him she got really ticked off. Then she said "He's a lying [censored] and a total loser, you can have him. don't worry, I'll never speak to him again" the very next day she began a barrage of phone calls begging him to take her back.<P> My husband doesn't want me to ruin her life....Wait until she tries contact again first....I didn't want to wait for the first crazy act to happen>>> Our exOW only finally went away when I called her, informed her I was aware of her continued attempts to contact H and that from that point on she would deal only with me or the police.<P><BR>Is she crazy, Am I overreacting- professor fantasy to an affair- She thought they would marry, have kids...My H said no- he would never marry again, is getting a vasectomy- she said she'd change his mind.....What was she thinking.....He was not promising her anything.....>>><P>ExOW was the exact same way. I don't think it's all that uncommon. the good thing about these nutcases is that eventually they become obsessed with someone else and go away. If she contacts you in any way again get a restraining order.<BR>

Dear crete:<P>It sure does help to find others with similar situations. Restores the sense that you aren't crazy or making this up. Many of us have cyber pals with similar stories.<P>The OW who wants to "be the wife" is like the cuckoo bird. It doesn't build a next for itself, do any of the hard work or planning. Instead it finds the nest of another bird and lays its eggs in it. The cuckoo chick hatches and is very aggressive, usually larger than the legitimate chicks. It kicks the eggs or the hatchlings out of the nest, and if it doesn't succeed in displacing them that way, proceeds to grab the largest portions of food for itself, starving out the little chicks. <P>The OW in your life doesn't have an identity of her own and tried to steal yours. She was helped in this by the immoral parents who raised her. They are cuckoos.<P>fairydust is right. You may need a restraining order. If I'm being repetitious, sorry, but I wouldn't wait for her to make the first move. <P>The Damsel in Distress ploy is very effective with the Knight in Shining Armor. It ensnares him. He rescues her. He is "her hero". She shows her gratitude. He runs to her side when she calls, leaving wife and family in the lurch. (This happened to us one night a year ago; I won't bore you with the long story.)<P>Alarm bells go off when I read that your husband "doesn't want you to ruin the OW's life". Do not go along with THAT program. You are not ruining anyone's life. You are fighting for your marriage, and for your babies. If you get an order against her, all she has to do is to stay away and not contact your family. <P>I would not wait for her to make the first move. This is a (pardon the pun) prophilactic measure. Even if she's not a physical threat, she has invaded your marriage. Your H's first and only priority should be making amends with you, restoring your marriage, and keeping you from divorcing his [censored]. He can't keep both of you happy. His concern for her is misplaced and disloyal.<P>Has he written a "no contact" letter? There are samples on this site. That plus the stay away order should do the trick until she can find another nest to soil. <P>Come here, vent, read the rest of the boards, Plan A, Plan B, all of it. People do restore their marriages after affairs.<BR>"The ow told my husband that her mom told her to wait two months and then she could talk to my H again---" What an evil family.<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess<p>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited January 25, 2001).]

<P>Alarm bells go off when I read that your husband "doesn't want you to ruin the OW's life". Do not go along with THAT program. You are not ruining anyone's life. You are fighting for your marriage, and for your babies. >>><P>I agree with this. When I made the phone call to the OW (which was the final contact) I told H I was going to do it. He said it would probably just rile her up but I had every right to do what ever I wanted to in regards to her. After what he did to me he realized he had no right whatsoever to try and control my behavior. Hearing it from him didnt' work, buthearing it from me finally did in the end.

Hi,<P>The "knight in shining armour" is a common theme in many affairs, especially when the woman is much younger. I actually know the woman my husband had the affair with quite well as we are neighbors. She often asked my husband to do her favors, i.e. fix her computer, help her with her pool, assist with her kids' science projects, etc. She often told me that she "wanted what I had". I didn't realize at the time that she meant it literally!!<P>Peppermint

Get this- my H is 25, I was 25, she's 21- nothing like making me feel old and unattractive at such a young age. I'm not a 10- but am beautiful- I said its true they don't pick someone whose more beautiful- my self-esteem is alittle lacking- Her running body- mine two kids later--ouch...