When I found out I left to a friend, called my H up forgave him and wanted to work on our marriage- the same day. I didn't hate him, hate her, actually had a calming love towards everyone, just wanted my husband home. I knew he loved me. I love him more than I ever knew I did.<BR>I told him he was a man and we make mistakes- this was one of the bad times we vowed to be together through in our wedding- <BR>I didn't believe it was ever over. I thought about filing for divorce- to let him know I meant business- before I ever read any of this stuff.<BR>Are we the stronger half in these relationships? I know I am in mine- Is it the ws that is the weaker person? I am trying to understand- In our situation I believe if anyone had a bigger reason to have an affair it was me....8:00am-11:00pm, 2&3 year old- no friends- no adult communication, lonely, begging H to talk to me, touch me.....It was the loneliest and darkest time of my life 3 year old with Down Syndrome- I love my children- But I did need so much- I had nobody, he had her<BR>I don't get it. Yah, if there was someone here, I don't know if I could have had an affair. I tell my H I probably would have latched on to anything that came my way- I don't know, I don't want to ever be put in the situation he got into.

Hi,<P>My wife is the one who has been betrayed. She is by far the stronger one in our situation. I don't know if I could ever consider thinking this through like she is. She has tons on her plate with all the stuff I have thrown at her and she hanldes it from day to day. I know it is not easy for her, but she handles it with strength.<P>Good luck!

We are absolutely the strong person in our marriages. It takes a great deal of courage to fight the battle that we have chosen to fight. <P>How are we so strong? I know for me it was prayer and the grace of God.

Hurtinginil hit the nail on the head. The Greek have 3 word for "love." Eros (the sexual romantic love), Phileo (the friendship/teamwork love) and Agape (the unconditional, mental decision to love). Agape is the way Christ loves us. We can treat Him like cr-p, but He still loves us. This is the kind of love we have for people who treat us badly, but somehow, we still love them. But it's God's strength that makes us capable of Agape! He's how we are so strong.<P>------------------<BR>Bill<BR>~~~~<BR>Remember the truth that once was spoken, "To love another person is to see the face of God."

I agree absolutely that the betrayed spouse is almost always the stronger partner. I also think that most betrayed spouses are like you, crete. I know in my marriage if infidelity was justified by unmet needs that I would have been the one who cheated.<P>I also think that it takes much more strength to survive and rebuild a marriage that to give in to divorce. How do we do it? I don't know, but I hope to find out!<P>Peppermint

We are strong because we have to be. We rise to the occasion, whether through divine intervention or survival instincts.<P>Let me relate part of the story of my deceased son. I look back over our struggle with his cancer and am amazed that my family had the strength to endure. But we did, because we had no choice. You do what you have to do because if you don't, no one else will. There is not another option, so you rise to the occasion because you are committed to your child. The 24/7 attention, constant vigilance, day-to-day complications - all wear you down to the point that you don't think you can go on. But, somehow, you do - even when all hope is gone. I remember watching over my son on oxygen, heart rate 230 and temperature 104 all night long. How long could his heart beat that fast? Nurses working over him trying to balance fluid migration in and out of third space. We didn't think he'd make it to morning. We never gave up and pulled him through. He survived this threat and others and lived another four years.<P>If I can do this in a life threatening environment, so can others. And if we can do that, we have the strength to struggle with a fog bound spouse. Think about it. Just do it. If we BSs don't, no one else will. If you are committed to your marriage and your family, you will find the strength. Believe me on this.<P>WAT