An alcoholic father, death of family member, daughter with Down Syndrome- none of these things enter on a scale of the pain of a spouse having an affair.<BR>I never thought that kind of pain existed-<BR>When I married I never thought this would happen. Finding out now he still has one girl from college still trying to get him- he never returns her phone calls- so what was it about this one---was able to resist one, but not this one...Please, I need to know if it is realistic that my H will never do this again. I cannot and/or will not go through this again. It is out and out emotional abuse for the duration of the affair. I will not let him kill the little bit of what I am now. He says he would never hurt me like that again---he said he would never do this to begin with....I do love him. He is a good person-but this makes you doubt if you really new him at all. I do not want to live a life of multiple affairs--How realistic is it that they never do it again?<BR>Any sources of stats on this I would appreciate.

things will get better, but sometimes they can get worse before they get better

Crete,<P>I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. But believe it or not, you have a lot of positives going for you. It sounds like your H's affair has ended? That's HUGE!!! If both of you are willing to <I>try</I>, then you have great chance at not only making sure this never happens again, but that you'll have a better marriage than you've ever had.<P>If you haven't read <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Harley's Basic Concepts</A> yet, that's a good place to start. According to Harely, you and your actions can have a major say in if he does it again or not. If you haven't already, read about his love bank theory. If you can meet the needs that were missing (which is what makes him vulnerable to an affair in the first place), he won't have a need to get them met else where. Also, read Harley's "Surviving an Affair." It's a must if you want to rebuild love and trust in eachother.<P>Good luck. And keep coming here. I've been near the end of my rope a lot lately and this place keeps me hanging on. Read, learn and take a long look at yourself. I'm not saying you're responsible for his A, but something's missing and if you can take responsibility for you and fix the problems in you, you <I>can</I> have a great marriage.<P>------------------<BR>Bill<BR>~~~~<BR>Remember the truth that once was spoken, "To love another person is to see the face of God."