I found this article very interesting and I see a ray of hope for those of us who have a spouse who is addicted to porn. <P><A HREF="http://news.crosswalk.com/religion/item/0,1875,318556,00.htm" TARGET=_blank>crosswalk.com</A><P> <P>------------------<BR>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt<p>[This message has been edited by Free2BMe (edited January 27, 2001).]

I don't know about anyone else, but I view pornography as a fairly harmless outlet for people to vent their sexual fantasies. I've never seen it as a detraction from our relationship or a threat. I would prefer my H look at all the porn he wants if that meant no other "real" woman would come between us.

Pornography is very addictive to men. My husband has had many struggles with it and I, as a woman, did not understand that difference. To a man, when he sees this stuff, he starts to fantisize about it in his mind. It takes away from the amound of sexual energy he has for you. As a woman, when I see a nice man, I can appreciate his beauty and leave it at that. For men it is vastly different! My husband is now reading "Every Man's Battle" by Stephen Arteburn and it is wonderful. I know that I for one am definitely lacking some parts that those porn sights have and when I am with my h I want him thinking about me, not what he just saw with porn.

I'm with Derby. I know every person is different and I think most CAN look at porn and not be affected. I think my H, however, has a hard time with it and I think it <B>feeds</B> a deeper perversion. Once he views porn I think he can be led in many many destructive paths - infidelity for one.<P>I agree that if that was ALL he was doing, then okay, but it leads my H into chat rooms and sexual talk with other women.<P>And so goes my life...<P> <P>------------------<BR>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I agree with Free2Be. Porn is harmless in itself if handled properly. My husband started looking at porn, then it lead to wanting kinkier sex, sexier clothing for me to wear, posting personal ads, chatting to other women online, cybersex, cyber affair then physical affair.<P>If he enjoys porn, fine if it stays there. Or perhaps join him with the porn stuff if it is your fancy. Just recognize the warning signs that it is becoming a bigger problem. Unfortunately I didn't, through ignorance and denial, maybe a little of both, but our marriage paid the price.<P>My advice is, if it bothers you, bring it out in the open and discuss it. Deal with it before it becomes a bigger problem.<P>Rhonda

Maybe you can help me. I have the opposite perspective. I wonder why he is willing to be online with cyber porno chicks and not tell me what he wants?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nduli:<BR><B>I don't know about anyone else, but I view pornography as a fairly harmless outlet for people to vent their sexual fantasies. I've never seen it as a detraction from our relationship or a threat. I would prefer my H look at all the porn he wants if that meant no other "real" woman would come between us.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I agree with free too. What do I do though? I have told him it bothers me that he doesn't share this aspect of his life with me. If he is spending time and energy on line then he is not spending it working on our relationship. Should I be threatened by this when he tells me its harmless and he will control himself? I really find it heartbreaking<BR>

I don't think much of the time it's that you can't give your husband what he wants sexually but rather it's just male nature to look and enjoy a variety of women even if it's only a fantasy in their minds(in fact that's all it should be). Men also tend to masterbate more and being the visual creatures they are like to look at something when they do it You shouldn't take him masterbating as a sign of sexual dissatisfaction either. Sorry to be really frank, but sometimes you just want to "get off" without the big production or your partner could be sleeping or away or not in the mood.<BR> In any case most of this internet stuff is not interactive and mostly it's just paysites with downloadable movies or pictures. They're not usually live people on the other side.<BR> Of course this is a generalization and I realize that many men(women too I suppose) have an addiction to adult material but I think the vast majority of people just use it in addition to a healthy sex life with their partner to add a little variety without going outside the relationship<p>[This message has been edited by Nduli (edited February 01, 2001).]