He called & asked if I was ok, & said that I've been sounding kinda funny the last few times we've talked on the phone, so I decided to be honest & I told him I've been feeling angry at him. I don't think it was an LB, I was calm & did not raise my voice and I didn't say nasty things, just how this is all making me feel. I said:<P>When you left you were supposed to be figuring out how you felt about me & who you are & I'm not quite sure how you can figure out how you feel about me when you're busy being in love with *****. Of course he says he's not in love with her, she's not his girlfriend & I really think he believes that in his own head (pretty sad, he can't really be that stupid can he?). I told him I didn't think he was being completely honest with himself, I said it looks pretty much like a girlfriend to me. I told him how it makes me feel that it's her too, that she was always such a nasty b&^%$ to me & he was supposed to be on my side, he was supposed to protect me & now he's sleeping with her.<P>I told him I'm not really sure anymore why I'm hanging on to him, is it for my girls? Cuz he really hasn't had much contact with them lately-so that's a pretty stupid reason. Is it because I'm scared of my future-that I don't want to let my girls get attached to anyone else & be hurt again?<P>I told him this is eating my insides up & I hate it. I told him the way I see it he's choosing her over me. He says he's not that he just has too much respect for me to be with both of us & he doesn't want me to think of it that way. I said it doesn't really matter what you say, or how you want me to think of it, the bottom line is he doesn't feel right seeing both of us, so he just doesn't see me. That makes me feel like he's choosing her over me. I said it's not fair for me to have to compete with her & besides that, he doesn't even let me. He said do I want him to stop seeing her? (DUH???!!!! Tell me again, he's really not that stupid is he? I mean he can't be-how does he remember to breathe???). Jeez!!!!!<P>He said he doesn't know what he is doing. He said that before he called me he was asking himself that. He said he still doesn't have an identity. I don't get that, I mean it must really suck, but I still don't get it.<P>Anyhow, so now he wants to come here tonight, said he was thinking about it before I said all this stuff to him. . .don't know if that's true or not. So I guess we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, although I'm still pretty confused about how I feel too. Is this what I want?<P>
