Hi All,<BR>I don't know if anyone here will remember me...I first came here sometime after January 8, 1999...That was the day my life fell apart...My husband of 14 years confessed that he was having an affair...This place helped me so much in the beginning...just to know there were others in the same situation I was. I tried so hard to get my husband to quit seeing the other woman..But no matter what I said or did he just couldn't or wouldn't stop seeing her..He ended up moving in with her leaving our two children and I alone on the ranch. Because of the isolation, the kids and I moved back to town and he and his new woman moved to the ranch...That was around August of 1999...<BR>During that time I hit rock bottom...Major depression...I spent a lot of time crying and wanting to go to sleep and never wake up. I lost a lot of weight as I couldn't eat. I finally went to my doctor for help with the depression. I still loved my husband and continued to communicate with him and let him see the kids whenever he wanted..I had read somewhere in one of Dr Harleys books<BR>that if an affair is allowed to progress to the stage of reality...(real life) that usually they won't last over 2 and a half years...I guess I clung to that thought..It helped me get through many a sleepless night.<BR>My hopes and dreams are finally coming true..He is moving back in this week..I know we still have a long way to go, but I am very optimistic..I think the hardest part will be leaving the past behind and living for today and the future...I know for me...I can't dwell on the past or it will destroy me and any chance I have for happiness. I want us to start fresh..A new beginning if you will. Anyway I had to come back here to tell everyone...there is hope for you...don't give up on your marriage if you truly love your spouse and are willing to forgive. I hope this will give some of you some encouragement...not to give up...I know its painful..Iv'e been there...Done That!<BR>Have faith in God...And may he bless each and every one of you in your time of suffering.<P>lonesome<BR>

you aure have given me heart and hope. It has been a bit over two years for me. God knows i have done everything i could but eventually it got too much and i got to what the ahrley's call Plan B. H and I are to "talk" in the next couple of weeks. I am not optimistic -I dare not be. But your experience tells me not to give up entirely. How dod it happen? What made him decide to come back? What has happend with OW? i do hope you do not mind me asking these questions. I wish you and your h a speedy recovery. Do you have any particular plans to make it work ?<P>R

Good luck in the coming weeks. I know that the road to recovery is long & hard. You have held on to get there & know that you will make it. Let us know how things go for you; we can all use the inspiration.

WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM BACK?<P>I don't know you and don't mean to sound judgemental or take away from your happiness if you are happy with this new situation... but why would you take back a man that hurt you for 2 years? Moved into your family home with another woman and then decides to come back ? <P>I have strong feelings about this from watching so many women (mothers, aunts) in my family wait and wait YEARS for grown men to re-soe (sp) their wild oats. <P>When is enough time to wait? Why 2 years instead of 5 or 10? Why at all? <BR>

lonesome, Great news, I know you both don't jump into this decision after 2 years without much thought and caution. I can see why you would take him back after "all he's put you through". You found a man you love, and continue to love, inspite of the mistakes he has made. If he can see his mistakes and correct them and seek forgiveness, you are both on your way to having the marriage you want and need.<BR> God bless you both.<BR>Your post has given me the courage to update everyone on my progress, Not a textbook example.

Yes, I do remember you. As a former farmer myself, your story stuck in my mind because of the ranch part. It is nice to read of reconciliations after all this time, though I must admit that I am envious. My H left almost two years ago to go live with the OW. He lost his job nine months ago and is still unemployed; he divorced me recently without any visible emotion; he sees less and less of the children. It has become more and more obvious to me that it does not get better - it is quite possible for life to just keep getting worse.

Lonesome,<P>If this is truely what you wish, then I'm am jumping for joy at this chance you are getting!!<P>Put into action all you have learned!!<P>Macy,<BR>This is a strong testiment to the belief of marriage as lifelong commitment...<P>Bill

Hello All,<BR>Thankyou for your posts. To answer some of your questions....My husband started talking about us getting back together over 6 months ago...I know why hes coming back..because he still loves me...what he felt for the other woman was uphorea...the newness we all feel in the beginning of a relationship...but the newness wore off when the affair is allowed to be (real life) You have to understand He is a good man...A hard worker,good father and we both agree that we had a good marriage<BR>for years before this happened. I truly believe it was some sort of mid life crisis for him and that he was depressed also. He feels very guilty about what hes done and now hes also dealing with bad feelings of dumping the other woman..I guess I sorta understand this because he is a very caring person and would never hurt anyone intentionly. She left her husband of several years and got divorced for him. But if you ask me she is stupid..I mean she knew that my husband had not filed for divorce yet she still moved in with him.<BR>Shouldn't that have given her a clue...I mean that he never made an effort to divorce me. Anyway I have no sympothy for her. My only fear is that she will not leave us alone to be happy. My husband has told me that he will have no contact with her whatsoever and I believe him this time. <BR>I love this man and I will not give up on my marriage to him. If you love someone then you should have forgivness in your heart for them also. I hope that answers some of your questions Rosebrook.<BR>Nelli, I'm sorry to hear that your husband is still gone, It doesn't seem fair...I don't know why God has givin me a second chance at my life and not you...Don't give up<BR>if you love him...I know that love can tend to dwendle when its not returned...But if you know in your heart that you truly love this man, then its worth the effort.<BR>Daniel,<BR>Yes we have put a lot of thought into this..and we know it will be hard. The major obstical I have to overcome, is to live in the present and to leave the hurt,lies, and pain in the past. I know I cannot constantly remind him of his affair or the ow. But I am very determined and optimistic. <BR>I'm not familiar with your story, but I wish you the best.<BR>Thankyou Sing and William for your words of emcouragement.<BR>Macy,<BR> This is the man I fell in love with 16 years ago... I made a commitment to, love him in good times and bad...We had many years in a good marriage. We did everything together. We worked side by side in the dead of winter feeding cows when it was 40 below zero...we went hiking& fishing in mountains with the our two children...We laughed together...We were the true all american dream family...He was never abusive pysically or verbally...Even he says that we had a good marriage...He told ow the same thing when he told her he was going back to me. She tried to compare her marriage to my husbands and mine...He told her that there was no comparison..She had been in an unhappy marriage for years...Thats why it was so easy for her to divorce her husband and move in with my husband...<BR>I think God has a plan for all of us...I didn't like his plan for awhile, but I will have to admit that this separation has helped me in some ways...I am more independent and sure of myself as a person.<BR>I know that if I had to, I could survive on my own...In many ways I had become too dependent on my husband and I was negitive about certain things. <BR>I am very optimistic about my future and my marriage...I think that is whats wrong with the world today...Its easier to give up and get a divorce...leaving millions of broken homes and and children who have now concept of what a family is! No one is willing to do the hard work it takes to save or keep their marriage. I realize that it cannot be done if only one person in the marriage wants it...but sometimes it takes time for the betrayer to realize what he has lost, and all to often it is too late when he does finally come to his senses and the one left behind has givin up or refuses to take them back.<BR>Sorry this is so long winded, but wanted to thank all of you for your posts<BR>May God Bless You All<BR>lonesome

Dear Lonesome,<P> I started posting in March of 2000.I really do not remember you.But thanks for coming back and sharing.It means so much to us who are still struggling.<BR> <BR> Love and Prayers,bethn

Dear alone 1,<BR>I probably wasn't here in March 2000, Its been a long time since Iv'e posted here. I was here almost everyday in the beginning, but then it got so depressing, because there were no success stories..So I quit coming here.. I hope now I can offer some encouraging words to others here.<BR>lonesome<BR>

lonesome,<P>Posts like yours keep us going. I wish you the best.

Good for you! I am new here, but would like to tell you I hope everything is good for you.

Hello Lonesome,<P>I do remember you. It has been a long time. What a wonderful post. My prayers are with you, your H, and your family.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

lonesome,<BR>I remember you too. I am so happy for you!!!<P>Good luck and God Bless,<P>Bob

Lonesome, I remember you and also remember when you stopped posting. I really did worry about you. I am so happy your husband has come to his senses! My husband and I reconciled as well. It is hard to let go of the past, but you have to move forward. Just don't ever let the lines of communication down. Best wishes. I am really happy for you.

HI Lonesome,<BR>I do remember you and am so happy to read this update.<BR>Best wishes for you and your h. It will be hard, but it is worth it! <BR>(((hugs)))

Dear lonesome,<BR>I do not know you because I joined last October but I am very glad you informed us about your success. You give us all (all of us who are still in love with our spouse and want reconciliation)especially me. Our D-day was Otober 1999., we separated on different floors in our family house in March 2000, in different apartments in July 2000 and finally he moved OW in his house in Novemeber 2000. Till now no signs of "fog lifting", so just when I became totally desperate and hopeless, your letter arrived.<BR>You are the confirmation of everything, even timing, of dr Harleys experiences.<BR>Thank you for the letter, wish you everything best, please keep in touch and inform us of progression you both make.<BR>You are among few who gave us hope and strength to survive.<P>(((((((((((((lonesome)))))))))))))

I remember you, lonesome, we arrived at the Infidelity board about the same time. I'm really happy for you and know that just because 2 years has gone by, the marriage and commitment doesn't necessarily disappear. <P>My H & I reconciled in 5/00, redid our vows in July in Mexico. It isn't always easy and somedays the triggers hit pretty hard, but we concentrate on making better decisions, still working on communication.<P>Keep the forgiveness up to date and take care of the hidden triggers as they show up.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Lonesome, where is ow now? Has h already broken it off with her?