Checked the mail today and their was a letter from the Health insurance company for my WS... Opened it and it is for voluntary sterilization that happened back in October... Looks like she had her tubes tied... Just when I thought I could trust again... Now I don't know if I'll ever trust her. She's told me the other day that should we get divorced she won't do it until all bills are paid and she has no debts.. Right now there are about 13000 in credit cards due to breast implants she got right before having multiple partners... I am going through with my legal seperation which says she gets most of the credit card bills, I get the kids and the house and she she has to pay for half until we get divorced... I think I've finally had enough and am ready to throw in the towel... Any thoughts or Kind words would sure go a long way right now. I'm debating whether I should say anything to her about this until the legal seperation is final... Hitting bottom again... Crick

crick,<P>I've been busy today with the kids, otherwise I'd have responded sooner. I know that this revelation must have hit you hard. A big lie, and she even mentioned it the other day as something that she'd do in the future. That hurts.<P>I wish I had something constructive to tell you. I can understand your frustration, and we all know and relate to the lies. What else has been happening with you both the past few days? Had you been seeing any hope of things improving? If it were me, I'd say something about it, but that is just me. And I'm not the best one to talk, because in my own case, I have been too patient probably, and not said things I should say.<P>Maybe a dose or reality is needed. Didn't seem that you were making to much progress since she came back a few weeks ago. I think I have that approximately right?<P>We are here for venting and to help in any way, as you know. Keep us posted.<P>

Rick37,<P> Thanks for the response... Actually I finally decided it was time to make a stand.. Ever since she has come back it's been all about what she needs... I set her down and calmly asked her if there was something else she needed to tell me... She said no.. I said "you need to come clean and tell the truth". She swore it was all on the table... I asked her about her operation back in October. She got that "look" that says I've just been caught again... After a whole lot of stammering and trying to make some sense out of it I decided to tell her that the legal seperation is happening and I will not continue in a relationship that has one person only considering themselves.... If she wants to make herself happy I'd be glad to let her go out on her own and make herself as happy as she can but I'm not going down with her... I'll get my legal seperation and if she wants to continue in her selfish ways she has that right... Well what a sudden change I saw... She suddenly felt like giving affection and the rest of the night has been good... I think the legal seperation will give me the control needed to keep her in check... I know I have to do my part and will continue to do so... I think perhaps the upper hand is what I need... She has to realize that she cannot push me around and has to contribute to the relationship or it will end... We'll se how long it lasts... She tends to have a very short memory. Unfortunately now this adds another 3500 dollars to the debts she has caused during the fog. She had breast implants put on a credit card which cost 6500... I had a vasectomy after our second child so obviously her getting her tubes tied was for reason's outside our marriage... More crap to try to swallow and put in the endless whole that is their for all the thoughtless things our WS's do to us.... I wonder if they'll ever realize how lucky they are to have people like us in their lives.... Crick

Oh... One last thought... Her logic behind not telling me about the surgery was it's her body and she can do with it as she pleases and it's none of my business... Same excuse she used for the breast implants and for having the affairs... I told her she was right and it is her body and if she doesn't want it to be any of my business what she does with it I could sure help her out with that... She can take her butt out the door along with about 13,000 in credit cards and she can do whatever she likes... But if she wanted to continue in this relationship it most certainly IS my business what she does with her body.... I'll never get their "Logic".... Crick

I'm glad that you sat her down. I can't find mine to tell her what is on my mind! Anyway, isn't it crazy how the control can swing when you take a stand.<P>Stick to your guns like you are doing.<P>

crick - if the legal separation says you get the house and kids and she pays halh AND has to pay her portion of the credit card bills - sign up ASAP. Sounda like a good deal. This doesn't mean it can't all be undone, but it's a good fall back position for you. Getting her tubes tied would also be the clincher for me.<P>One scenario could be to get the legal separation and cut her free. She'll have to experience life without her family and I'll bet she soon find out it's not so great. At some point in there maybe Plan B would be appropriate.<P>I suggest you lat low until she gets the legal separation to sign, then read her reaction.<P>Sorry this is more practical than moral support, but I think you're doing what you should.<P>Dave

Wat,<P> Actually I started the legal seperation when she left... This was put in effect for two reasons.. She kept threatening me that she would take the kids if I didn't agree to everything she wanted. She also was very upset at the fact that she would have to pay me child support since this would take away from money she needed to live... I finally got her to sign the papers and all I have left is appear in court and it's a done deal. The agreement that was set in place is I live with the kids in our house and she pays 1/2 all bills until we decide that we sell... I had her open her own credit card when all this hit and forced her to put her cost for breast implants, tatoos, belly button rings and any other lavish cost of hers on it. She also has to pay 1/2 of what was on our normal credit card. All toll she has about 15,000 in credit cards...Once we decided to sell the home She'd have to start paying monthly child support... I think at this point I'm going to let her stay but she won't be able to force the upper hand with me anymore... She either flies right or she's out the door... Sometimes you just have had enough and it's time for a little put up or shut up... I've bent all I can and am at the point now that I don't even feel anything anymore... Thanks for your responses.... Crick

I think you should protect your future - as a principle to live by:<P>1. Get the separation and protect your financial future, which in turn will protect your future opportunities upon reconcilliation because at least one of you will have good credit.<P>2. You cannot change what was done in the past. Look at tomorrow - part of moving forward is not looking back. <P>3. NO LOVEBUSTERS!!!<P>Plan A!