She called me, too, too funny.<P>She called me after he talked to her. He told me it was done, he told one of our friends he broke it off with her. So, she calls & says,<P>Was Jim at your house last night? I said yes, she said did he stay all night, I said yes. She said he just called her & told her that he wasn't ready to not see me anymore-she made it sound like he still wants to see her too (I don't know if she's just trying to make me upset, or if that's what he really told her). But anyway, she starts asking me all this stuff like were we talking about getting back together? I said no, not really about that, yet. She asked me what he's doing, she's really confused (poor baby). She said she doesn't want him to play her, I just said, well then it looks like you've got a decision to make. I said, I will tell you that I still love him & I'm not going to stop, she said, he still loves you too, I said I know. I said he's really confused right now & he's having a hard time so if you're looking for somebody who's stable you're probably looking in the wrong place. She asked me what he was confused about & why he's having such a hard time, I just told her that he's been for the last few years (does she really think that I'm going to divulge that information to her????)I told her I think that Jim & I are really good together & I think we have someting special & I think we will be together, so you can do whatever you want to with that information.<P>Then-get this-she asked me if we fooled around last night, I just said I think that's something you should ask him. She said he probably won't tell me the truth because he'll be scared. I just said "well?". She told me she's been "nothing but faithful to him", I just said, "tell me about it".<P>When we hung up, I just said to her, good luck.<P>This is one of the funniest things that has happened to me in a long, long time. It's cracking me up! What do you guys think??

Sounds like she really cares for him, and that he has mislead her alot. Sounds like she called you because she needed some answers that he is not giving her, or not being truthful about..thought she would call you because she thought you would tell her what she needed to know. She was probably not expecting you to be so honest with her.<BR>Good for you!!!!!<BR>Jessica

eliza,<BR>Yeah, I think she is in love with him, but I don't think it's the same type of love I have for him. Her's is still the selfish kind of love-what can you do for me. Mine is now much, much deeper than that. Also, I know her, she's pretty kneiving (sp?), so I'm not really sure what the purpose of her call really was. I think by some of the things that she said that she was trying to make me upset-didn't work. She's never liked me or been nice to me for some unknown reason. So I don't know, but I still think it's funny.<P>

Bitsy,<BR>Wow you are a strong one....I don't think I could handle answering questions like that from the ow...I think you handled it well...<BR>lonesome

This type of OW really makes me sick. I can't believe that she attempted to divulge info from you (the wife), as if she has a right to know what's going on. She knew the risk. Sounds like she just received her wake-up call! Unbelievable!<P>p.s. You handled yourself very well. I know that I wouldn't have been so nice.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited January 28, 2001).]

Thanks guys for all the nice words!! I guess what helped me with that conversation is I pretty much knew I would see/talk to her again sometime, so I've been thinking & thinking about how I wanted to handle myself. I decided I wanted to be the bigger person & hold my head up. I don't want her to think she's got anything over me, cuz she doesn't. I think the reason she's always disliked me is because I somehow threaten her (I'm not quite sure how, but), so I didn't want to give her the impression that I am in ANY way threatened by her. Know what I mean?<P>Still think it's funny! Who does she think she is?

Wow! What nerve!<P>I don't think she understands what love is at all, otherwise, she would accept that what he feels for her is NOT love and she would not call you. I don't think she loves him so much, either - I think he very likely told her something she didn't want to hear and she was calling you to A) pump you for info and B) make you wonder what he really said to her.<P>DON'T believe her, and don't feel sorry for her.<P>As for how you handled it - I'm definitely impressed. I would've reached through the phone and grabbed her by the throat... or, at the very least, at the first question, I would have told her "none of your business, b*tch" and hung up.<P>Good for you that you can laugh about it!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

bitsy - I think you did a good job. I might have been less cooperative with a few "mind your own business" thrown in. Just more of the wacky world.<P>Dave

Dear Bitsy<BR>Good for you<BR>I'm glad that you can laugh<BR>Don't affairs always have this "suspension of reality" element to them? Your situation is just different in that you got to hear the delusion, first hand.<BR>BTW, the spelling is "conniving." .....since the definition is so central to affairs, in general. I like connivance: Knowledge of and active or passive consent to wrongdoing. You certainly have to proper concept for the situation<BR>R

Hi Bitsy,<BR>My H's OW also called me - to complain that he "was being weird over the email again"!!! This was after she'd promised several times to observe the full honesty and openness agreement made between my H and me. He knew her and had an first a PA and then an EA going with her for nearly 9 years before he married me, and continued the EA for the first 6 months of our marriage. I found out within 3 weeks. I tried to be "nice" (part of the time) and tried to make an open area for him despite my own gut feeling that only a total break would work. <P>14 months after dday she again sent him an overly affectionate message to his work address; he forwarded it to home, as per agreement and asked her to please respect it. No clandestine contact, no emotional stuff. If she wanted to be "friends". She threw two electronic tantrums in response. And when he did not reply to either message, she phoned ME! First she said he was being weird, then told me he'd always lied to her as well, then said she was no longer in love with him and doubted that he'd ever really loved her, then said she couldn't understand his really strange attitude given that their romantic relationship had been over for "well over a year", and then tried to get information out of me about his feelings and behaviour. She also said that he should still offer her emotional support. I was polite but cool and firm, did not answer her questions and said that I would not stand for any form of clandestine contact and that H and I are completely committed to making things work and healing the pain. <P>Conniving is the only word for some people. <P>She emailed once more, a vicious attack on me that burnt off the last of my H's fog and led to his finally realising that there was no way he could have a friendship with her, seeing that he'd never had a real friendship with her, and she'd blown her cover skyhigh so he saw her for who she really is instead of the helpless little Bambi victim she tries to project.<P>I'm still not really laughing, but there is a grin creeping over my face at intervals....

Hi everyone-I guess what I'm laughing about is how this is all going to come to an end (if it hasn't completely ended yet, it will very soon). I'm laughing because it's happening just like everyone says it will. I'm laughing because I can see her flopping around right now like a fish out of water. She's always made me kind of uncomfortable because of whatever grudge she has against me, but I'm laughing because now it's the other way around. I'm laughing because she's not going to beat me. I'm laughing because she's pissing him off. I'm laughing because who does she think she is? I just want to tell her "You go girlfriend!!".<P>

bitsy,<P>It sounds like you have a wonderful outlook on dealing with the OW. I agree with the others that you did a great job handling the call. Because we live in a small town I'm sure to run into my wifes OM sooner or later. When I do I'll try to remember how well you handled yourself and use it as an example. Keep laughing and smiling.<P>Archer