I am trying to find answers to why?<BR>I know that something was wrong with our marriage for this to happen. I ask my H if he was unhappy- he says no. I ask him what I wasn't doing for him and its always- "nothing" "I don't know"<BR>What was the other person doing that I wasn't---He is so vague--she made him smile- made him feel good-He says I did too--but what exactly wasn't I doing?<BR>"I don't know"<BR>I can't believe that he doesn't- I am analyzing myself to the extreme and feel like going crazy, beating myself up on what was I doing, what wasn't I doing....<BR>How did I fail the most important thing I have ever had?

First of all YOU didn't fail. He did. I have been going through the same thing for 16 months. And I will tell you what my therapist has told me, if he knew the answers, he wouldn't have done it. Her response hasn't helped me much, but I think it is true, and when I get terribly frustrated with his nonanswers, I keep repeating to myself what the therapist said.<P>Does your husband still want the marriage? I would encourage you to get therapy for him. He, obviously, has some real emotional disorders. Good luck. S.

My husband says he definitely wants to be here. His affair lasted 3 months and he tells me he spent the last month trying to figure out how to get out of it. I think he feels grateful that I ended it. I didn't know anything about this web then. <BR>I found out and within less than 24 hours I got them to never see or talk to one another again and he never left home.<BR>I continued to check up= even got into his works server and was able to check his e-mail from home....She e-mailed him once--I said again and I'm getting an order of protection against her- (I don't care if shes only 21)--she made the choice to try and take my family (with help from her demented parents--total lunatics) My husband has been really good--Because of the family he realizes now( out of the fog) that he never loved her and now realizes that the family was trying to get him to be with her--wanted to find a man for me....sick, sick, people--<BR>We are trying first a program called retrouvaille offered by the catholics on how to be married. After that if we feel we need counseling together or by ourselves that is what we'll do. Even though it has been 3 weeks since I found out, I know hes in love with me and me him..Better than it ever was--which makes me sad that we had to go through this to see that.<BR>Why some people think that they have to hold secrets from another to prevent hurting them is crazy to me.<BR>If he was "honest" through our relationship this wouldn't have happened- I would've known she was after him- all her attempts..before he even developed feelings--that was over 2 months---more, but he didn't see things as come ons. This girl wanted him for 10 months before she finally got his attention. Two months of "no" from my husband didn't deter her a bit. She did tell him that she gets everything she wants....Not now....<BR>I know she'll be back, she told my husband she would wait forever. I just wish she would get some counseling and fix whats wrong in her head. She played the game to the T. I wish I knew how she knew the game at 21--I wonder if her mother told her what to do..I mean they were trying to find me a new husband so she could have mine--how sick is that???