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Joined: Jan 2001
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Its been only 3 weeks since I found out about the A. But I have been so upset and angry after finding this website that we were never taught how to be married in a society that doesn't respect marriage.<BR>Sure, we had to take some class before we were married, but no it did not cover all of this. Yes, I wish that the church would have made us take some marriage counseling before this. I mean, who is expected to have knowledge without being educated. I remember my uncle being so angry at his parents because he said they made marriage look so easy, never fought in front of the kids.<BR>Yes, I am angry that all of the people in our lives never really let us know what it takes--they only said marriage takes work. What important job would hire you without knowledge. This is the most important thing in our lives and there was no "knowledge" of how to be married- how to keep the love- no manuel given at the marriage.. I feel let down in a way. 6 billion people in the world and nothing--I had to wait until my H had an affair to find this and other webs to finally learn how to be married and stay in love with my spouse--thank God it is when I'm 26, 8 years together, 3 years married--I have alot of time for my spouse and I to start getting right...Pray that we can through all of this unnecessary pain. This could have been prevented- thats what hurts right now. To expect people to just know is so ignorant- like I should know what my Hs needs are even when I ask- get no answer- I could take the best educated guess and because I was wrong it results in an affair....I have a psych degree- yes I read about all kinds of things on relationships....Not this, though--this should be a place people go- know this before you get married!!!!

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crete-I agree with you totally!! I too had parents who NEVER had a fight in front of any of us, so I grew up thinking that there was a "princess life" out there waiting for me. . I've only realized about 3 months ago that there's not, and I'm 32!!<P>I will definately be talking with my daughters about this when they get older, using my/our situation right now as an example, whichever way it turns out!<P>They teach us all the state capitols, all the Great Lakes, etc., but nothing about "real life". Not even one book!<BR>

Joined: Nov 2000
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I wish, too, that I had known then what I've learned now. However, just like the A, I cannot erase what's been done or how we started out. That is the past.<P>My H and I have decided, however, that we can impact the future of our children. When they are preparing to marry, I think the very best wedding gift we could give them would be a collection of the books written by Dr. Harley and a heart-to-heart talk about what they need to do to build a wonderful marriage.<P>We teach them right from wrong, about the birds & bees, the importance of truth and honesty, of doing their best at a job, and so many other things that we know to be vital to their character and development.<P>Why shouldn't the Four Gifts of Love be included among those teachings, when they plan to dedicate themselves to someone they have fallen in love with? I think we'd be remiss, knowing what we NOW know, to not include that in our parenting . . .<P>And, they are witnessing each day the incredible love my H and I share and they see how we take care of each other now. They do not know about the A and we hope they never do. But, we'd tell them if it would help them in some way to choose the right path in the course of their own lives.

Joined: Oct 1998
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There is a movement attempting to bring just such awareness to the churches and schools and legal systems in the US. Some states have adopted stricter laws on divorce, high school education on marriage and adult education on marriage. We can contribute to this movement by working within our own churches, organizations, legal systems and school districts to support and encourage education on marriage and stricter laws about divorce.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Joined: Oct 1998
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Sad Heart,<P>I think it will be a gift one day for you to share your experience with your children. I don't know how old they are now, but I surely would wait until they were teens, and have had years to recognize the love and devotion you have for each other. They need to see it as a sad event, but also as part of your growth as a couple - an event that they should be able to avoid by learning how to have realistic expectations of marriage and how to communicate and how important it is to meet needs - most especially AFTER the honeymoon is over...<P>Just a quick aside - my husband's parents never argued in front of him, either. A bad lesson to teach our children, unless there is truly never anything to argue about. That is rarely the case and parents who always hide their disagreements from their children are really crippling them.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>


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