Hi,<P>I am back for my daily post which has helped me a great deal. I actually fell OK after I get done reading everything here throughout the day. I have appreciated that everyone has been pleasant with me even though I was the WS.<P>For those of you reading my posts, I have some updated information. I told W today that I have decided not to pursue the job I had talked about earlier which would have been a major career advancement, but would have required a move and time away from home in the beginning. As soon as I told her she looked at me and said "Why?" I told her it was because of my previous stated reasons that I wanted things to work, and when they do (I pray they will) that it would be easier if I was at home. In addtion, I told her if I had to leave I would not see the children and that would be too difficult. She then said "OK, it's your life." I was actually proud of myself, I didn't respond back with any negative things, I just told her I thought it was important for her to know. Maybe deep down inside she will know that I am committed to changing.<P>There have been several other anger type things on her part the past few days, which is more than usual. I understand about her anger and her need to vent out, so I have hoped that I handled them well. She told me the other day "You are lucky you are still in this house, and really lucky you are not sleeping on the couch." I told her I know I am, and am glad for it. I did not say it in a bad way, but wanted her to know that I was aware of it.<P>We completed the emotional needs survey and exchanged copies. After reading hers I saw that besides my original action plan, there are several other things I need to work on, and I told her this. She just rolled her eyes at me. Probably the wrong response, but I said "Why do you roll your eyes at me when I try to say something positive about me changing?" She then said "You just don't get it, you have ruined my entire life and now you think just because you are going to change, what you did is not so bad." I told her I know what I did is bad, and I know that I shattered everything we had, but I still love her and will do evrything I can to prove that to her. She then went on about how I should understand how she has no feelings for me and how she can not bear the thought of ever touching me agian, let alone sleeping with me. I again was positive and told her I know it will take time, but I can prove to her that I will change. The conversation ended when she said "OK."<P>Sometimes I wish she would just say "OK, show me you are going to change, don't just tell me." I have been showing her, but I know it has only been a short time and it will take many many months into the future to prove this, and I will have to prove it forever.<P>Well, as I had stated before, chances are slim of this working because of ALL the things I have done, which are many, but at least there is a chance. I am aware, and she has made it quite clear, that she is only "trying" because of the children. If God is working through our children, I will take that hope and work my hardest to come through.<P>Hope everyone has a great day, and of course thanks to everyone who has a response to my daily posts, which have become vital in my life.

opdam-I think you're doing fine. . .remember to be paitent with her. And I would try not to put too much emphasis on what she says right now, she's angry, hurt & is talking alot through her pride right now. She doesn't feel safe with you right now (I don't mean that to sound harsh, but she's in her protective mode-if you know what I mean).<P>I'm sure you would really like to hear that she wants to try for you, but she's trying for the children. . .the bottom line is she's trying, who cares right now what the reason behind it is. She's still there. Give her time to get over her anger & to see the changes, not just hear about them.<P>Hang in there!

opdam<BR>bitsy is right, it is not important why she is there, she is. We are in our 6th month and some days the anger is as fresh as it was then, When I can't hold it any longer he gets to hear it, I try not to do it meanly but I do let him know that I am in pain and yes I believe he is responsible, he takes it calmly tells me he is still committed to me and to this marriage and will not hurt me again. I give him a yea right, roll my eyes but on the inside I think Hmmm. Not like my old H.. So I stay another day and one more brick comes down. It is a long process. Stay focused on how much you want this, and good luck. Jenni

Thanks guys. Those two responses will make my day a little happier.

delete<p>[This message has been edited by vernon3 (edited May 15, 2001).]