I need advice. I posted an update/summary last week if you don't know me.<P>On Sunday I gave my h a letter telling him I just couldnt take it any more. I gave him a visitation schedule, how it would work, asked for house key, car key, financial support etc. Told him that I had been the only one making any effor to rebuild our marriage and just couldn't do it alone anymore and needed to move forward with or without him. Don't know where ow stands at this point. I don't know if they've reconciled or not and haven't asked. It doesn't make any difference at this point and I didn't bring her up in the letter at all. <P>Ever since my h got a new job six months ago he's been coming here after work and leaving for his apt (or her house I guess) about 9-10 PM. He is a very on hands father as many of you have heard me say over and over. He was with us every night last week, all day Saturday and he and the boys went to a superbowl party together on Sunday. <P>I gave him the letter Sunday night. He didn't come home after work which is what I expected. My sons and I were going to sleep last night and they called to tell their father goodnight. My ten year old began crying and shaking after talking to him. I think he's just been holding everything in and finally just lost it even though he doesn't know about recent events. It was excruciating. He was sobbing that he had a terrible life and wished he was dead becuase his dad didn't live with him! Of course his younger brother started crying and me too. I had him call his father and tell him what he told me. He eventually calmed down and fell asleep.<P>So, question, what do you do if you h decides to move home because children are so unhappy or because op breaks off relationship. I don't know if this will happen as he hasn't moved home because of the boys in 17 months but what if. And according to ow she wasn't going to see him any more because of all the lies he told her even though they loved each other very much. <P>What do I do if this situation occurs? I would know that he wasn't moving home to work on the marriage but because ow broke it off and children are losing it. Help??!!

Hoping - Plan B, which it sounds like what you're doing, is tough on kids. They're victims in all of this crap. But what's so bad if he wants to come home even if it's just for the kids and because OW dumped him? This seems to be the perfect opportunity to set up the real recovery! Why not approach it that if he wants to come home, welcome him, support him, let both of you see the good effect on your boys and then slowly work toward restoring your relationship?<P>WAT

hoping-I just posted a reply similar to this to opdam and basically said, who cares if the beginning reason is because of the kids? The bottom line is it will be working on something. You will get a chance to try again. I'm sure you would like to hear it's because he knows what he did was a big mistake, he's doing it because he loves you, etc. I know it's a blow to your self-esteem that he may be comming home because the OP broke it off with him, but you've got a chance.<P>I'm sorry for your sons, I know how tough these situations are on the children. It's so hard as a mother to watch their little hearts be broken & not be able to fix it. Just be there for them, and for your H if you can-don't be concerned with the reasons why right now. I know it's hard, be strong.

When my H & I were in therapy, the therapist said that there was nothing wrong with staying together and trying to make the marriage work, for the kids' sake.<P>The point is this...if your H will come home to live, even for the kids' sake, you will have the opportunity to Plan A your heart out. You can show him the positive changes in you and how wonderful it feels be to be a whole family again.<P>If he is at home, he can see & feel these changes and the fog may possibly lift. When and if that happens, your H will even wonder why he risked losing everything for self-gratification.

Hoping,<BR>Stay strong. <P>Your kids have gotten used to a strange schedule. You've been a wife to a man who left you each and every night that he was over to tuck the kids in...and there were times he had to have been seeing the OW after that. Is that a situation you want to continue for the rest of the kids' time at home? Another 8-12 years?<P>I know that our kids are a big part of our getting back together. My H heard and saw what his actions had done to their emotions. In the past 8 months, my now 15 year old is beginning to have a real relationship with her dad. Previously, she shut him out of her life and called him names, told me she hoped he never would move back home. A difference from your kids in age...but not experience. Kids feel terrible when a parent leaves, and leaves more than once, like your H & mine have done.<P>You did good in not having a conversation with your H yourself, but letting your boy talk to him.<P>My H broke off with the OW the last time, but he would have started up with her again, but she had found someone new. I have that same doubt you have...what if she pursues him again? But I can't control that, only my H can control his actions...he couldn't control her either.<P>You've been in a tough spot a long time. Give this new behavior a chance. And don't worry about the future. Today has enough problems of it's own.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Hi everyone,<P>We hadn't even really started plan b. I just gave him the letter on Sunday night. So it had only been 24 hours and my son had a melt down and he doesn't even know that I set up a visitation schedule etc. As far as he knows his dad will still be coming and going.<P>I just want to scream at him to get his f***ing priorities straight. Who's more important his kids or he and her?<P>He claims that they will be better off in the long run as he and I will never be happy together. After all these years and everything she's done he is still "in love" with her.<P>Why shouldn't I just give up and file for divorce?