I just blew up at my H. I told him how for 8 years I have accepted how he has to have female friends. For 8 years he has contact with "good" female friends. I had accepted that. He never told me when he had contact with them--said he knew it would bother me. It bothers me, yes, when he discusses our relationship, It bothers me when he goes out one-on-one for coffee and keeps it from me. It bothers me that he lets another woman talk about her sex life- orgamsms... It bothers me that he defends this over my feelings. I was the bad guy because I was rude to one of them at my wedding- because I didn't talk to her--I didn't get to talk to half of my family. He will not change---even knowing that crossing boundaries led to his AFFAIR>>.. He thinks that he can be friends with females the same as male friends. He is just like his mother...Why can't I be more important than these friends...He would defend them over me any day...I am the jealous wife....Forget that---they don't have something I want, they have me fearing what just happened---him developing feelings and having an A.....I just don't see how he wouldn't have another A, having to be friends with all these females...What is it that he needs from them, is their some sort of addiction to having to have female companionships over the feelings of the wife. I don't like him going on "dates", talking about our relationship, talking about their sex lives... Am I completely out of line here--tell me soo, maybe I need counseling--I don't have male friends, would never contemplate having that "good" of a friendship with one....Do I need help, please, I am so confused.<P><BR>Everytime we talk about this or have an argument--previously it was why are we married? Do we need to separate? Now, its why are working at our marriage?<BR>He is killing me with this...A conversation about my feelings and what hurts me is reason enough for my spouse to leave....Does this mean he doesn't love me....I can't imagine that my husband would say these awful things to hurt me...Was the affair to hurt me... I am weeping right now because I am so afraid---Did he ever really care and love me---what he says is killing me<BR>Why am I trying to save my marriage-<BR>I can't not hurt. He does things that hurt me..Knowing this he continues to and before a lived with it...I don't know if I can...I know you can't change people, but where do a rank. I thought the spouse was somewhere at the top...Did I have it all wrong? I am lost.