Hi All...<BR>Does this thing ever bottom out? Just when I thought that it couldn't get any worse than last night it did.<P>My SIL just called and said are you sitting down? I said great...let me have it.<P>She heard that the OM moved out of his house this weekend. Which means that my suspicions of last night are probably true. <P>Now what...last night I felt sick...now I just feel numb...as most of you can relate. So much for talking to his wife...<P>Any ideas?<P>~Mike~

mbtrk,<P> I can only offer you the comfort of knowing you're not alone... My Ws came home and wanted to work on the marriage... Trying to get over all the crap that had been tossed on me over the last several months.. Had a heart to heart and said get everything on the table so I can swallow it... Now one month after she's back I find out she had her tubes tied... I honestly feel numb anymore. No pain, No love, No nothing... Just don't freakin care... Perhaps too many lies, too much Bs, too much hurt... I sympathize with you... I wish I could offer you words of hope... Best I can say is hang tough and when the cash register is empty you pack up shop and set up business elsewhere... My children keep me here just as they have for years... But soon they'll need a real mom and I certainly could use a caring wife... I wish you the best... Crick

Mike<P>I am so sorry this is happening to you. It must be so hard to deal with the things you cannot control. You cannot change anyone else, they must see it for themselves. MB tells you how to do it constructively(by working on yourself) and also so you can last longer-waiting for the fog to clear!<P>I turned a corner myself lately. I have asked my H to move out. He is so damn blahsay about he whole thing. He is taking this week exactly how he always does it. Sports club every night, when we both know that Saaturday is the day we have to tell our kids!!! What an A$$hol*!! The kids do not get much time with him and then he is moving out. Nice, huh? He must be out of his mind! I am furious. He has no consideration for anyone! <P>That's enough for now. Good luck to you, though, Mike.

thanks Crick,<BR>How long was your W away before she decided to come home? I sure can relate to the numb feeling. <P>My biggest regret right now is that she is the mother of my children. THis woman that I thought had integrity and morals...<P>She sees nothing wrong with what she or now he, is doing...the break up of 2 families. For what? She says love...I believe lust. <BR>I feel disgust, hurt, and things that I can't describe yet.<P>The problem is that I love her...how much longer I can say that...I don't know. Every time I think of the two of them together I get ill. I want to throw up.<P>I hope some day they both have the opportunity to experience this type of pain first hand. I haven't spoken with his wiffe...although I would like to. I'm sure that she feels the way I do.<P>Thanks for the support and I'll be thinking of you too. At least your wife decided to come home. I hope that you can work through this. If not...like they all say...know that you did your best and that somehow the WS just isn't worth the effort anymore. <P>My SIL told me tonight that what comes around goes around and that there is some lucky woman that will benefit from her sisters screw up!<P>Stand tall my friend...<P>Mike <P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Hi BS, and all,<BR>Sorry to hear that you are in that position BS. I was there 3 weeks ago. Telling my 4 and 6 year old hat their mother was moving out was awful. I made her do it. I also told her that I wouldn't lie for her so she better tell them the truth.<P>The house seems very empty without her there, but the constant tension that was there before is not as bad.<P>It's the lies that are getting to me. Monday night I found out that the EA had gone to a PA. Last night I found out that the OM moved out of his house. How much worse can it get?<P>Two nights of barely any sleep and I'm so tired that I can hardly function. All I can see is the two of them together, and the havoc that is being thrown at 2 innocent families. The selfishness and lack of self control that started this whole mess. The total disregard for wedding vows and what they mean. <P>I hope that things turn around for you. I still hold out some hope but as I get deeper into this my hope is waning. <P>The people here do a great job of boosting your morral when you are down and I'm about as down as I can get right now. <P>I am ashamed to say that my W is the mother of my children. I thought that she had more of a clue than this...apparently not. The fog is too thick. <P>Take care...<BR>~Mike~<BR><P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

mbtrk - I know where you are and I know you will survive. One specific piece of advice: Do you know the OM's family? If you do, try not to get sucked into a coopperative partnership intended to "fix" things. The only way this could work would be if the OM's wife applies the MB principles. Otherwise, you'd be operating from far too different perspectives. Early on, I got caught up in "working with" the OM's wife and all it did was cause more trouble for me. If you don't know OM's family, get some professional advice before you consider any contact. Your wife and the OM will consider it a threat if any cooperation takes place. Please post questions depending upon your particular arrangement.<P>WAT

Hi WAT,<BR>Nice to hear from a friendly keyboard!<BR>I have concidered contacting the OM wife. More so to see what she knows than to form an aliance. I thought that I would point her to MB and tell her about what a great site it is and how much it has helped me.<P>She can take it from there. I would be very interested to hear what he has told his wife... maybe she just thinks that he needs some "space".<P>Right now I'm going to try to talk to Steve today and find out what my next move should be. The events of the last two days have really changed the dynamics of what we both knew last week. I'm going to trust his judgement and follow what he says. <P>This really sucks, and I am closer to the realization that the two of them might end up together and I may not get my wife back. I thought that we had a good marriage...I have learned now that you can never say never...<P>~Mike~<P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Mike - remember what you've read. Almost all affairs fall apart rather soon. DO NOT get into the mindset that these two will live happily ever after. The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself and your family, improve yourself via Plan A, DON'T LB, and find some way to occupy you and your kids while this plays itself out. Right now, you cannot do any thing but harm to try to stop it or educate them. <P>Dave

Mike -<P>I just wanted to say how sorry I am. As bad as things got for me, I never moved out. But, just because the OM and your W have become "more serious," don't think that it is over, not yet anyway. As long as you still love your wife, you need to keep trying and applying the MB principles. <P>Some of the books that I have read, say that once the affair hits the light of day, it's only a matter of time before things go sour. So, just use this time to make YOURSELF a stronger person, to be able to accept whatever comes your way. Your kids need you now more than ever - so you have to be strong for them.<P>I'm thinking about you, and I know that things will work out for the best.

SKM,<BR>You are a very caring person and I appreciate all of your help. THe toughest thing right now is getting the image of her and him together out of my head. It makes me want to throw up. It also is hard because she is pursuing the divorce route and really sees a future for them. <P>Now that he has moved out...maybe reality will set in for him sooner than it will for her. He has muchmore to lose in all of this. <P>He is a prominant OB-GYN who has 3 kids, a good practice and just built a huge house a couple of years ago. This could cost him a bundle. On the other hand...my wife is broke and can't even afford to go to the movies.<P>Now she does have a couple of well of friends that I'm sure are helping her out financially and maybe boytoy will too. Who knows.<P>The problem is that she has been in counciling and her councilor told her that she didn't need to be there. She is a strong, independant woman, who knows what she wants and should go for it! Now add that to her best friend who did this to her husband 6 years ago and ended up marrying the OM and now they are "Happy". She keeps saying look at my best friend...it's all about love!<P>I think that I am going to gag~!<P>anyway...thanks and if you ever want to talk, I'd love to talk to ya!<P>~Mike~ mbtrk@aol.com<P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

There are so many questions that I have, now that things have gotten worse. I used to think that I had the upper hand when I was under the assumption that the OM wouldn't leave his wife. Now I'm just not sure where I stand.<P>What do I do now...and how do I get through the long nights with this movie of the two of them running in my head.<P>How do you know if the fog is lifting or getting thicker?<P>How can I even be around her knowing what she is doing to 2 families? I feel so bad for the OM wife and kids. <P>How do all of you remain so strong through out the long ordeal of trying to get your spouses to see the good in you. And...they saw a beautiful person once, because they married us. What happened that they would go to someone else and not say that anything was wrong. <P>Oh well...I guess that I am just venting and questioning if what we are all doing is worth it. I know the answer...but sometimes it becomes harder to see.<P>Mike