In my last post I said how I thought he was going to be picking between us again & that I was pretty sure it wouldn't be me yet. So tell me what kind of reasoning is he using? She gets angry at him when he sees me, flips out & makes a big scene. I on the other hand listen to him talk about her. He has to tell her he & I are "friends". I listen to him say how he got in too deep with her. I tell him how I care about how he's feeling. She doesn't care about that. I talk to him gently & calmly about things, she screams.<P>All the things that she is doing to him are things I used to do to him that he didn't like, except she's way, way worse, as far a jelousy, controlling, etc.<P>What is this man thinking? I talked to him about how she thinks she's his girlfriend (he of course says she's not-yeah ok)he says he doesn't let her tell him what to do, really?? Is that why after she called him at the bar & threw her fit, he ended up calling her back the next morning to "fix" everything?

bitsy - I'm a male and I can't explain it. He probably can't, either. I think the best conclusion is that he's confused or wants to have everything. Is he a mature person?<P>I recommend you be the best bitsy you can be - be yourself - and let this run it's course. Don't try too hard, but let him know your feelings, be sincere, and don't LB. You cannot change him, you can only change yourself. Become irrestible and don't try to figure him out. You'll go nuts.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited January 31, 2001).]

WAT-as far as him being a mature person, I don't really know how to answer that. . .he's been having almost like a mid-life crisis, except he's only 29. He keeps saying stuff like I have GOT to get an identity, I don't know who I am, what is so special about me anyhow. I can see that his self esteem is shot to he$&.<P>Who I see him as right now is his new girlfriend's "baby doll" that she dresses up (she's been buying him all these new clothes & jewelry). I don't know how he thinks he's going to figure out who he is when he's taking instructions from her.<P>It's so obvious to everyone except him that he's searching in all the wrong places to figure himself out. On one hand I feel sorry for him because I know he's having a terrible time, on the other hand I just want to scream at him "you are making the biggest a$$ out of yourself & everyone sees it".

bitsy - all the more reason to sit back and watch and just make sure he knows you're available to him for and ready to listen. Treat him like he's temporarily insane and needs compassion rather than criticism. This is just my opinion - I hope you get views from others.<P>WAT

I agree completely with WAT. Be yourself, be your best, continue to make improvements, and understand that they don't reap rewards right away....it has to grow. Don't try to figure him out, WAT and I can attest to that. I'm guilty of it all the time, so don't be like me!<P>If his girlfriend is acting the way you describe, he'll see the light, especially if you be your best.<P>Got a deadline and had a down cable connection (again) at home last night. Have to go. Take care.