It has only been 3 weeks since d-day.<BR>He broke off contact with the her --one week after d-day we went away for the weekend.- He said that he started healing when we did that. He says now that he hasn't healed anymore, since. I don't know what to do. Knowing that he is not healing is setting me back in healing..We want to heal together..He says he is scared everyday if I don't answer the phone that I'm gone- he expects everyday not to see my car at home- that I will be gone..I told him I'm not going anywhere. We are married and we will get through this together..why would he not have faith in me--I was always honest, never lied, never kept anything from him...Is there anything I can do to help him heal, anything at all?

Crete, it is still very early. Your H is probably not ready to heal. The shock may not have worn off; he may still be in withdrawal. Just keep doing the Plan A thing, even if you don't see any tangible results.<P>As the BS, you may have to make all the efforts for a while, but your H will turn the corner and he will heal with you.<P>Also, it will often feel like the set backs outweigh the progress. So, try not to micro-analyze. It will get better, slowly.<P>{{{{{{{Crete}}}}}}}

Honesty, time, honesty, time, honesty, time...<P>It won’t be, “WOW, I feel better!”<P>It’ll creep up on you and one day you’ll notice something that bothered you yesterday doesn’t bother you today.<P>You guys have not even had time to understand what happened to you, let alone begun to heal from it.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

At 3 weeks my H certainly wasn't healing. Give it time, and keep working together...you'll be OK.<P>Kathi<BR>

Crete -<P>For me, the healing process has taken 10 months (so far). You and your H should not try to expect too much too soon - you have a lifetime together to heal from this - it won't happen overnight.<P>For me, as a WS, I would have good days and bad days. Good feelings - happy, marriage feelings - were slim to none at 3 weeks into recovery. Then as I went further along, gradually, those good feelings began to increase - but good days and bad days came in waves. But, now, after ten months the good days, good feelings - far outweigh any of the bad.<P>What you'll find is that, you will heal at a different pace than your H. It may be slower on some days, faster on others. It's not a race to the finish. It's a process, and it takes time. Try to spend more quality time together - like going away for the weekend. Talk about things, why is he down, why you are down. Just keep reassuring each other that you are in this for the long-haul.

I am working on him talking to me..He has always bottled everything up. Kept things from me-saying they would hurt me. I actually enjoy getting the e-mails that he is venting..It lets me know he is human and has some feelings. He says now that it is refreshing to know he can talk to me about anything..He always could, he didn't know it. Never tried it, I guess.<BR>I know it is early. It causes me more pain to see him like this, than the pain of the A and the lies..I love him so much and am aching that he hurts.<BR>His A consisted of mostly talking. He said he thought I wasn't interested. Oh, he doesn't realize that everything about him interests me- his venting, his work, his students- they are things I love about him..How he thought I was interested? I don't know- I am telling him now--I want to know everything about you- what you love, I love --in a weird way the ow, too...<BR>

I know the panic feeling you may be feeling - no fun!<P>Create an environment for your husband that protects him - by no lovebusting and meeting his emotional needs. Has he taken the emotional needs inventory? That way you know which areas specifically to concentrate on.<P>Hang in there, and sorry for posting on your other thread about plan B. <P>TNT