I have posted a couple messages in the pregnancy/child section. Because I have not posted here before, I will try to make my story as short as possible. Married to H for almost 10 years. April, 2000 H admits that he has been "talking" to OW since February, 2000. H says that "OW said nice things to him" and I was mean. However, H tells me he will stop all contact with OW. Voluntarily, I begin individual counseling for verbal abuse. I am very hurt by "affair" and cry alot.<P>In May, 2000, phone rings and it is OW who says she has wrong number. H says he has had no contact with OW. H feels guilty and can't stand me always crying. So, I begin to stay at parents' home because I feel guilty about verbal abuse and want to give H some space to show that I am sorry.<P>In July, 2000 I find out that H is still seeing OW and H has moved out of our house into an apartment. H admits that he slept with OW one time and that he wants to be with me, but OW is making threats regarding his job--saying she'll tell H's boss that he sexually harrassed her. So, H wants to let OW end relationship.<P>H refuses to tell me where apartment is. Tells me that soon I can move in. Finally, in August, 2000 H takes me to apartment while he showers and I sit in car because supposedly some of OW's kids' things are in apartment. According to H he was storing the things. H tells me that next day he is moving their things out. The next day I go to apartment and see H and OW moving HER things out. I find out that since July, 2000 OW has been living with H in the apartment. H tells me that OW slept on sofa and that her and kids had no where to go that is why he left them stay.<P>After OW moves out, H and I start trying to repair marriage (playing tennis and basketball, etc. like we used to). In October, 2000 H starts acting funny. He no longer wants to do anything and I only stay at apartment for about an hour after work. I want to move into apartment and H says we aren't ready yet.<P>In December, I find out H has been seeing OW since October and giving her groceries because she is pregnant and claiming baby is his. H says he will tell her that he is not going to see her. He wants to be with me. Will have paternity test when baby born. If his, H will try to get custody because OW is terrible mother and had other children taken away before for neglect.<P>I am very upset and so a week later H tells me that baby is not his because not due until May and he slept with OW in June so if baby his it would be due in March.<P>Then, on X-Mas, H turns around and tells me that baby is his. H says had paternity test and it is his. Again, I am very upset. When I keep asking H about baby, H admits that did not have test done. He says that he told me initially that it was not his because I was so upset. Then, he realizes that there is a possibility that baby is his, so he says he has to "prepare me for that possibility."<P>Around New Year's Eve, H does not come home to apartment. Starts not coming home on each Friday. When I ask H where he was, he says he was drinking and did not want to drive so slept in car. H says he is feeling sorry for himself and that is why he drinks. I don't believe him and think he is with OW.<P>Sometimes I tell H that I want to be with him while other times I tell him I need time to think. One Saturday, I tell H I need time and he calls Saturday evening telling me he misses me. The next day I go to park with my sister and her family and H leaves 6 phone messages. I talk to H that night and we speak about me moving into apartment the next day. I ask why not now. When H says wait until tomorrow I think it is because he is going to see OW that night. So, I tell H I need more time. He asks me to come over the next day and I just say I need more time.<P>The next morning, H is calling me on phone before I'm out of bed and comes to house. I let him in and he hugs me and cries and tells me that he doesn't want a baby with anyone but me. He also says that he could not find anyone as compatible as me.<P>I had made plans in November for H and I to go on cruise in January. I tell H that I don't know if we should go. H says we should go that might just get us back on track and we wouldn't have to think about baby and everything else.<P>Then, a couple of weeks ago, at H's suggestion, we make plans to do something over the weekend. On Saturday, I speak to H and he says that he was at hospital when OW's mother called and that baby died.<P>All of the sudden, it seems as if H is avoiding me. I can't ever get ahold of him unless he is at work. H sends me e-mail saying that he has mixed emotions about death of baby. He is both sad and glad.<P>I make plans to go back to our home state for a long weekend. I tell H that I am going. He asks if he can pick me up from the airport and if I will call him over the weekend.<P>This past Monday, I call H and H tells me that he can't concentrate on our marriage right now because he feels like crap. He says he wished for baby to die and now feels very guilty. He thinks that maybe he could have watched OW more closely to ensure that she was eating right, etc.<P>I tell H that I understand how he feels, but try to convince H that he should not feel guilty. Nothing I say helps. Anyway, I have seen very little of H in past few weeks although was usually talking to him each day.<P>Here is my problem. H tells me he wants to be with me, but yet seems to be avoiding me. I don't know if H is with OW or not. When I asked H he told me that he couldn't believe that I would think that he would want to be with OW after he told me how awful she was.<P>Anyway, I really love H and desperately want to save our marriage. However, H does not seem to be interested in working on our marriage and as I said seems to be avoiding me. Whenever I ask H if he wants to be with me, he says yes and says he would tell me if he didn't. Sometimes, I think that H just assumes I will never leave him. I am thinking about serving divorce papers on him to wake him up. However, I am afraid that he doesn't really want to be with me. Any advice?? Sorry this is so long!
