Short update: Boys slept at their dads apt last night and he brought them home before school this morning. Visitation schedule is in place. I'm assuming that conversations between h and I will only be about them.<P>Apparently ow is out of picture presently as she learned about all of his lies and won't see him. <P>My understanding of plan a is meeting emotional needs, no angry outbursts and no disrespect. Plan b is no contact until the affair is over and a plan of recovery is in place. <P>So, I need to figure out where I am in these plans and need advice or opinions. I will not be meeting emotional needs any more as he wont be here but I can control (to the best of my ability) angry outbursts and disrespectful comments. Prior to putting a visitation schedule in place life was pretty peaceful and he was left with the impression of what life could be like with us. Our contact will be based on the children and I have no desire to be uncompromising,mean or spiteful regarding visitation. Ow is out of picture right now so that is not the point of plan b except in the respect that I believe he still wants to be with her and she's not going for it. So, where am I in this? Am I in a sort of plan b so that I start to heal and he realizes the extent of what he's going to lose? I theoretically know that plan b is supposed to be about me and saving any love I have left for him.<P>Can anyone help me with all of this?<P>Chris

Hi Hoping,<P>I know this is not what you wanted, but I am glad to see you taking a new direction with this. Here is my take:<P>You said the key words - plan B is in effect until the affair is over and a plan of recovery is in place. All you know is that OW is out of the picture "right now" - you and I have both have long histories of believing OW is out of the picture, so I would give this time before I called it over. And from what I understand your H has not expressed a desire to firmly commit to a recovery plan with you. So....<P>You keep with your plan for now. Not calling, not seeing him. Limited, business-like conversation for essential kid-related stuff. E-mail is even better. None of this has to be mean or disrespectful - these words aren't even in your vocabulary are they ? <P>That doesn't mean that your H won't blame you for being "mean" and for protecting yourself and your feelings for him. But as long as you set out on your plan with clarity, love and respect - you can be confident of yourself. This would be all about his anger at no longer having the easy life he lived for so long. And now OW is giving him a hard time to boot! He may well lash out, but it is far from your fault.<P> At this point, this is all about you and what you need to heal, and to be in a place to want to reconcile with your H should he ever get his act together enough to deserve you. (Got some anger of my own seeping through there, but you know what I mean ).<P>Did you lay out what you would need from him to be able to consider reconciliation when you went to plan B? If you did, the ball is really in his court.<P>Be strong Hoping!<P>Starpony

Starpony,<P>Thanks, I just needed some encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. <P>No, I don't have a recovery plan in place as he has very little hope that he will come home. We'll see.<P>How are things with you? Did you start plan b? Did h see kids recently?<P>Keep in touch.<P>Hoping