I'M REALLY CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO. MY H IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WO. I MADE HIM LEAVE ON NEW YEARS DAY. HE MOVED IN WO. HE IS COMING BY EVERYDAY AND TELLS ME HE LOVES ME AND MISSES ME BUT YET HE GOES HOME TO HER. WE'VE HAD MAJOR FIGHTS AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING TO BE THE ND OF WHAT IS LEFT OF US, BUT HE SURPRISED ME AND CAME TO SEE ME AT 1 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING TO SAY HE WAS SORRY. THEN HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME AND HE NEVER MEANT THOSE WORDS MORE THAN HE DOES NOW. HE SAYS HE FEELS THAT HE IS IN A SITUATION HE CAN'T GET OUT OF. AND I SIT HERE WONDERING SHOULD I WAIT, SHOULD I TELL HIM TO TAKE A HIKE? HE HAS BEE TALKING AND SEEING OW FOR 6 MO. NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE WILL EVER KNOW. I BELIEVE THAT WE CAN WORK THIS OUT IF HE WOULD ONLY COME HOME AND TRY.

I don't exactly have an answer to your question about what to do. You see, I am in a similar situation to you. H and I are not living together--he moved out on his own and got an apartment. However, I think H has been staying at OW's place lately.<P>H is like your H. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. I am so tired of all his lies though. I have not tried the Plan B. Perhaps that is what we both need to do. I know that you asked H to move out, but you are still letting him come to your house. Maybe if you refuse to have anything to do with him until A is over, he'll wise up and come home to you. I need to follow my own advice, but it is so hard being away from H.<P>Anyway, I hope and pray everything works out for you.<P>Dolphin

THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT. YOU TOLD ME WHAT I ALREADY NEEDED TO KNOW I JUST AM SO AFRAID OF LOSING HIM FOREVER. I REALLY LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH. I DO BELIEVE THAT HE DOES LOVE ME TOO. I DID TRY TO LET GO YESTERDAY AND I LOST ALL CONTROL OF MYSELF. I ENDED UP CALLING HIM AND HE CAME OVER. BUT IN THE END HE STILL WENT HOME TO HER. I GUESS I JUST NEED TO LET GO AND SAY MY PRAYERS. I HOPE ALL GOES WELL WITH YOU. MAYBE WE CAN GIVE EACH OTHER SUPPORT THROUGH THE ROUGH TIMES AHEAD.

Luckily for me my H didn't leave- well he went over to her place on d-day and I went to. I sat down and said I needed this. I said I know people have affairs with students who have fantasies with professors, with co-workers they spend a lot of time with, or the really close friend of the couple. I said you love her, you love me, but you can not have 2 relationships- she agreed by shaking her head yes. I told my husband - you can't control your emotions, but you can control you actions. he said "i know" I told them I needed that<BR>he told me to go home and I did. I had asked him before that to go away for the week- don't talk to me or her- stay with your family- people who love you and then let us go away for the weekend. ( We did.)<BR>He was suppose to go away, but he called me after being with her if he could come home and I said yes.<BR>I told him that night that if he wanted to save our marriage he could never see or talk to ow again. He kept saying he couldn't- i said I couldn't be here for him- as a wife nor a friend- period. He lied and made excuses- the next day I ended the affair...He said I forced him out- now he thanks me--if he really wanted to be with her, he could have. But he told me that he was trying to figure out a way to end it- but couldn't without hurting people- wouldn't have wanted me to know....So, I think my situation is the affair wasn't powerful enough- only 3 months, mostly ep. a few hot and heavy , but no sex ( Thank God) - that could have held it together.<BR>I know that I did everything wrong according to this website. Luckily, it worked for me...Now, I am following the advice here.<BR>I think you should try the advice, as well,<BR>if you want the marriage saved you have to plan A- you see, you can't LET her have him- She fought for him- met all his needs- you didn't know you were fighting someone- now you need to--Plan A your [censored] off and get your husband back. You didn't have to seduce your husband-seduce him now. Remeber their relationship is based on lies, deceipt- that is a rocky foundation for a relationship and it will fall to the ground..<BR>PLAN A, PLAN A, PLAN A- take your marriage vow: this is that bad time you spoke of - only you had no idea this was it...<BR>