Ok, yes, I'm talking about sex. Maybe I should have changed my name... I have actually met people from here. Oh well, Here goes.<P>I have been in forced celebacy for a loooong time. Not just a few weeks, months, we are talking close to 2 years here. I probably had a fairly high sex drive, but lately I find myself with not much of one. I am not on any meds, but I wonder if I am not a little depressed. I wonder if I will have difficulty if this ever ends. <P>Anyone else gone this long and were you able to enjoy again or was it difficult? <P>Lora

I think I forgot how.......<P>It is probably a little depression coupled with distrust of the whole intamacy thing. I would'nt worry too much about it.....

LORA!<P>We're going shopping this week-end! So find your piggy bank and bust it open ... it's time to hit Castles or the Love Pantry.<P>No ... it's not the real thing, but it will help!<P>Your Friend,<BR>Jo

Lora,<P> I am smiling at this one.I am sure you havent lost it.<P> LOve and Prayers,beth

mkn,<BR>Ya, I hope its not like riding a bike, because I did forget that once too.<P>Jo,<BR>LOL Maybe I do need help.<P>Beth,<BR>Glad I gave you a smile, now everyone knows my sex life.

Lora,<BR>I think it is possible to channel sexual energy into other areas of your life...especially useful if you are depressed, it can be the energy that you use to face your day--you gotta do *something*. I have found the switch back to be a little more difficult, I got used to not being "that way" and, with H home, sometimes its like, oh, sex is an option now, isn't it? It's something I didn't think I'd ever take for granted again...oh routine & familiarity is such a trap.

Lora,<P><BR> Mine isnt all that much better <P> Beth

Gee, only two years? Try once in the last 4 years...<P>And you don't forget, IMNSHO... At least I hope not! Lor is right, though, you channel that energy into other things. Although, from what I have been told, toys can be fun!<P><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I had waited so long for sex I started forming cobwebs. I finally found myself in a <BR>Lovers Lane with my best friend and walked out with BOB (battery operated boyfriend). On the up side, I don't pick up his socks off the floor, do his laundry or cook for him. In the meantime he will do. Besides, he doubles as a great neck massager. just kidding. Let go and pleasure yourself. You deserve it.

Lora,<BR>My husband stopped having sex with me when I got diagnosed with breast cancer 2 and 1/2 years ago. It had already slowed to barely monthly and only if I initiated it. I felt too unattractive, based on his response, to try more often, and he refused to talk about it. <P>Once I was finally done with treatment and reconstructive surgery, I was feeling really good and I decided to seduce him in the hot tub. Well, we had very passionate sex. A big surprise after so long, but I thought everything would be ok from then on. Wrong. He began verbally abusing me the next day and continued daily for the next 4 months, then left and moved in with OW. During that period we still had sex occasionally, and after he moved in with OW, we had sex even more and it was very passionate. I know I'm rambling on but it was great to have sex again after so long even under such strange and adverse circumstances. Now that I'm Plan B'ing, that's done even if he changes his mind about not "cheating" on OW anymore.<P>Anyway, to answer your question, last summer I was on a low dose of Effexor for hot flashes and had a lot of trouble reaching orgasm so I stopped taking it. I still wasn't quite as quickly responsive as I remember being before menopause and 2 yrs of forced celibacy. It did seem to be coming back though or getting better. I was suffering from performance anxiety at first, I think.<P>Unfortunately, I'm too depressed and sex reminds me too much of our recent sexual encounters to be interested in any kind of "self-help" right now.<P><BR>

"I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, June or July. . ." How do you make a note on this thing?<P>I'm coming up on our 2 year anniversary for the last time we had sex. Now he won't even bend over for me to kiss his cheek (he's very tall).<BR> <BR>I'm on zoloft which has a side effect of depressing the libido. I'm better off without a sex drive; at least I'm not tempted to fantasize or flirt and make things worse by having an affair. And the pain of rejection is numbed with the medication.<P>You ain't alone, kid.<P>And I don't know whether there will ever be sexual intimacy in my life again. So I can't answer your question. :P<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Geez you guys , this has turned rather depressing. I find many in the same situation, but was hoping for more encouragement of a better future.<P>Somehow it depresses me even more that I cant remember when the last time was. If I had known it was to be the last, I would have marked it down or something.<P>Angelbear, BOB huh. LOL Sounds alot more reliable then any of our H.<BR>Lora

Lora, <BR>How about a good story? <BR>When I realized my H was cheating I stopped having sex with him for about 8 months. After the PA (no EA) It went to about once a month, but it felt like a duty thing, an obligation. That lasted about a year and a half. Once the honesty started coming out, it got great, better than before. I have always had a greater sex drive than my H, but now I'd say he's catching up. I dont have any tricks like Cheatedonin98, it's just the two of us. <BR>Women in general need emotional intimacy for sex to be a real knock out. And now, for me, just looking into his eyes and knowing it's really all of him (no secrets) is the bomb.

Hey Lora, yea this is hitting me big time too. It has been about 2 years for me with few forced encounters(2) in between. Not the emotional intimacy described on the last repy.<P>I remember why I slowed down in the bedroom initially. My H got drunk almost every night, or watched tv until I was too pooped to pop. Then when we did have sex, he wanted all the favors. I went on strike, without telling him of course. that was my big mistake. He found it elswhere. Of course I thought he was immune, because he loved me. That is a hot one!<P>Zoloft reduces sex drive, huh? My H is on it, I hope he has had a hard time getting it up for the ow! As for me I am struggling on the "woman's viagra," wellbutrin. We have the same DR. I wonder why she did that, except that his drinking may have had something to do with it. She wouldn't know that we were not intimate. He wouldn't tell her, and I only tell my GYN, and you guys of course!!<P>Now that we are doing the trial seperation, people are going to know anyway...I want it that way. "Fake it 'till you make it," great advice; but after 6 months, I couldn't fake it anymore! <P>Beth <P>