Just wanted your thoughts.Have your well meaning friends ever said to you,"If you loved yourself more, or if you had any self respect, you would never take your spouse back after what they did to you."<P> or<P><BR>"I would never take my spouse back(after affair)because what they did is low-life,and I dont associate with street people.<P><BR> or<P><BR>"Well its never happened to me,but that would be the end of the marriage"<P>

Dear betrayed,<P>I think many of us have had people say those types of things. I guess I'm lucky. Most of my friends simply don't know what to say. I've even found one person who is in a "SURVIVED" marriage.<P>I don't know how long you've been struggling, but you need to look back to pre-affair times and remember what you loved about spouse, see if that is something you think is worth recovering. What other people think really doesn't matter because you are the one who has to live with your decision for ever.<P>You may find some value in the replies posted to my string "Why do we even want them back?" People have been very supportive here. If what you want is to work it out, then spend more time with supportive friends and not the ones telling you to leave. If you want to leave, then leave of your own accord.<P>Take care

I was one of those people that said, "If my spouse ever cheated on me...I would leave him in a heart-beat."<P>Well, it didn't happen. I almost did, but my H begged for a second chance.<P>I can almost guarantee, that if it were to happen to your friends, they would be eating their words. <P>Until a person actually experiences what it is to betray or be betrayed, then they really won't have first-hand knowledge to make such a statement. Trust me, if your friends ever have the displeasure of having to deal with an affair, they will be reacting differently than they had planned.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited February 06, 2001).]

There is a saying:<BR>Make your words soft and squishy--you never know when you have to eat them.<P>And:<BR>Opinions are cheap and everyone's got one.<P>(another form of lowlife is the Knowitall )

Betrayed spouse,<BR>If you want some comebacks:<P>"If you loved yourself more, or if you had any self respect, you would never take your spouse back after what they did to you."<P>Answer: I respect the commitment to my marriage I made before God, I'm not going to cut and run just because my spouse is making mistakes.<P>"I would never take my spouse back(after affair)because what they did is low-life,and I dont associate with street people."<P>Answer: I guess we won't be friends anymore. I'll miss you.<P>"Well its never happened to me,but that would be the end of the marriage"<P>Answer: Are you sure it hasn't happened to you? Denial is such a problem. <P> OR (nicer) Just like it is easier to tell someone how to raise kids before you have any yourself, this is something very perception-changing.<P> OR (for a Christian friend) How then do I apply Jesus' admonition to forgive 70 X 7?<P>I'm sure the very conversationally gifted posters could do better, but if you want to stand for your marriage...probably the best thing is to tell your friends:<P>"I am putting my efforts toward making my marriage work want because I believe that is both possible and the best thing to do and I would appreciate your support."<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Learninglife<BR> yes,i want my spouse back,but they have made it clear that they dont want me.Whenthere is a divorce in progress ,most friends just want you to get over it and move on.I will look at your old post.<BR> <BR> Survivor,<BR> It is very hard to go on without support,perhaps I should just accept that I wont get any from my friends, and not talk about it,but they always ask me how the divorce is going.<P> Jenny, that made me smile <P>LOR,<BR> Would love to tell them I am putting all my effortinto marriage,but they would think I am crazy because my spouse is divorcing me.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trying to move on (edited March 21, 2001).]

People who have never experienced it do not have a clue what they are talking about most of the time.<P>One of my coworkers, talking about Tom Cruise, said that people don't just decide suddenly to leave a marriage, that both partners are aware that the marriage is in trouble for a long time before they separate. If I had not been in the middle of the office, I would have jumped up and said, "Yes they do - after almost a quarter of a century together they make an offer on a house together one day, then the WS announces he wants a divorce the next, and doesn't come home from work the next."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nellie1:<BR>"Yes they do - after almost a quarter of a century together they make an offer on a house together one day, then the WS announces <B>she</B> wants a divorce the next, and doesn't come home from work the next."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Damn, do our spouses know each other? When I'm building her dream house, I find out she's been sleeping with her boss for months. How do they do this? I was told, "I didn't know I was going to leave you when we signed the contract."<P>Oh well.<P>Bama<P>