Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1 |
Question:<P>I have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids. We are both 36, and been having our troubles for about 7 years now. She wants out but has agreed to try a counsler. Should we go back in time and try to figure out why all our troubles started, or do we push ahead using this program and forget about the past?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 1,855
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 1,855 |
I believe you have to examine the past and the issues that are there in order to move forward. The key is in not dwelling on the past, but using lessons learned from it to improve the future.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244 |
Get some books to start, if you don't have any. HN/HN, Divorce Busters, Relationship Rescue, as a start. Maybe talk to Steve Harley as well. My personal opinion is that you don't have to dwell deeply into the past to derive meaning out of everything that happened. Instead, focus on now and in the future, and on meeting each others needs. First learning exactly what each others needs are.<P>I would think that just getting closer by following MB concepts would result in discussions about the past, but in a more positive light, not necessarily getting bogged down in problems. Get some professional advice though, because according to MB, you can love each other more and grow it deeper.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,225
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,225 |
I think you have to learn from the past in order to understand how you got to be where you are. You cannot change anything that happened in the past, but you can learn from it - so you don't fall into old habits, old ways of doing things. You do have to make a fresh start, but I think you should try and understand when and where the fairy tale turned into complacency - or even into a nightmare (depending on the situation).<P>I think the His Needs/Her Needs book is really good, too.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
232
guests, and
22
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
|
|
