Nellie<P>I agree with everyone who said change the locks, he's in need of a good swift kick and tighter boundraies set by you.<P>The thing that really made my skin crawl is he was coming over with OW when he figured you would not be home! That thought makes me physically ill! Now if she was just going to keep her sleezy butt in the car he wouldn't have mentioned she was with him. I wonder why he would want to bring her to the home the two of you shared? What was the reasoning? It sounds VERY suspicious to me. <P>Was your car in the driveway? Is there some way he could have known you were home by driving by the house? Maybe the only reason he even called was to make sure you weren't there, so he and OW could help themselves to something she took a shine to. Maybe it's just my suspicious mind, from being betrayed, but something just doesn't sound right with all of this. Unless OW has him so whipped he isn't allowed out without her holding his leash. <P>FC

From the things Nellie has told us, he is definitely "whipped" ... <P>Nellie, I do understand about his stuff. The stuff my husband has left are things that pretty much only he would appreciate... his father's tools, steins his mother made him when she was doing ceramics... family pics. Stuff that I wasn't even there for are now mine to keep or trash - and I cannot trash them.... They are family keepsakes and I feel like I am now the curator of them. Odd feeling. I never knew his father, but I did know his mother, and she loved me... Things like these always meant so much to her - and they USED to mean something to my husband too, but not any more apparently.<P>It really sucks.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

FC,<P>I am sure he called to make sure I wasn't there. I am sure he realizes that with 4 kids, there is always the possibility that I would be home with a sick child. I don't really think he was planning on taking anything of mine, but I think he was trying to avoid what would have been a very awkward situation, to put it mildly, had he and the OW walked in while I was here. Yes, I am sure that the OW has him that whipped. <P>Terri,<P>I do feel like a curator, not only of stuff that his relatives gave to him, but of stuff from his childhood/early adulthood that was important to the man he used to be. There are things that he made, even things that he and his first wife had.

If you have a garage ...... pile all his "stuff" in the garage.<P>Change the locks now....... when he finds out the locks are different you will know if he is entering (or trying to) when you are not home. You need new locks Nellie ......(get GOOD ones).... someone is trying to enter YOUR home when you are not there.<P>Change the locks and hold your head up high.<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

Yesterday,<P>I probably should change the locks - my only reason for hesitating is the cost - for what it would cost me to change the locks, I could feed the kids for close to a week.

Nellie,<P>I am not sure how handy you are with stuff around the house but have you thought of changing the locks yourself? I have been paying way too much in heating oil with my house. So I went to HomeDepot talked it over with one of the insalation guys and he told me everything to do. I purchesed the stuff and a neighbor across the street is going to help set up the ladder.<P>I am not sure where you live but I am sure if you explain the situtation to the hardware guy they can give you detailed instructions on how to do it. <P>I should buy stock in HomeDepot I use them so much. I closed on my house in June and still have not changed the locks but I know you have two choices: You could purchase the entire new lock or you could get the cilender. It is just replacing the key part. Or third you could have all the locks re-keyed. I have been thinking about that as well. Do you know a lock smith? Or someone who is friends with a locksmith? Explain the situation and see if you can work out a deal. <P>Do you know anyone who is handy? I know when my Uncle died people were trying to break into his house and my brothers and I went to WalMart purchased cheap deadbolts that you lock on both side and added them in to all the doors. Know in the house you have to lock the door even from the inside. This might be a cheap solution as well. It is ugly but something else to think about. <P>Sorry you have to deal with this.

Nellie,<P><BR> Sorry it has taken me so long to answer.Give me some quick stats.<BR>When did affair start ,do you think?<BR>When is dicovery day?<BR>When was affair out in open?<BR> Congradulations that God let you see your 21st anniversary still married,altho I am sure it was difficult and painful.Nellie ,you have 5 children,correct?What is the range in age?You are a strong person.God bless you and your family,I will pray for you and your H. Beth<BR>

Pahakissa,<P>Unfortunately, I don't think I am handy enough to install a deadbolt where there was none before, which is what I'd have to do on one of the doors. And, by the time I bought the tools necessary to cut a hole in a steel door, it would probably be cheaper to hire a locksmith. <P>alone,<P>Thanks for your support. <P>Unfortunately, it should have been my 21st anniversary. The divorce was final sometime in January. The affair started around the end of September, 1998. My H moved out in Feb., 1999, and discovery was in April, 1999. <P>I have six kids, from 5-20.

Nellie,<BR>I am so sorry,I did not realize a divorce had taken place.Has your H remarried?God bless you Nellie,beth

Alone,<P>No, he has not (at least as far as I know, anyway!) He has been living with the OW and her kids since the night he moved out (although he rented a room near her for a couple of months, I don't think he stayed in it much, if at all).

Hi Nellie1-<P>I can't say much because I simply think your ex is being extremely selfish and is thinking of himself more than you and your children. I suspect he may have a psychological disorder that cannot be fixed. What goes around, comes around; that seems to be the natural course of things.. I'll keep you in my prayers.<P>Marina

marina,<P>It would seem to be just common courtesy to not show up with a contractor without warning. I'm sure he would not have done that even while he was living at home. I think the main issue is that he did not want me to know he, and especially the OW, were going to be there, because he knew I wouldn't have wanted to be there alone, and anyone with even an ounce of common sense would have known that I wouldn't have allowed the OW to be there.