Well, Valentine's Day fast approaches. And three days after that is my husband's birthday. I have gone back and forth with whether or not to acknowledge it.<P>Today I talked with a friend that saw him and spoke to him yesterday. She says he seems very unhappy... He talked a little about life with slug and mama slug... apparently he thinks mama slug is a little "off" and is disgusted by how they sit around and smoke cigarettes all the time. Since he couldn't stand it when his mother did it and since she died of emphysema and heart disease caused by her smoking, I don't even know how he can be with a smoker at all...<P>He asked about me, and my friend told him I am great, very busy, working hard and teaching ... all true. She said he seemed surprised that I am teaching... <P>Since I am not officially in Plan B, I don't feel that it would be wrong to send him something for Valentine's day and birthday. In fact, in view of the picture he is getting of life with slug, I am thinking that it could be a strategically GOOD thing to send a reminder of how wonderful I really am... But I don't know...<P>I can't promise I'll agree with you, and I can't promise I'll follow your advice, but I truly want to get some thoughts about this. When I examine my heart, I find that it is still filled with love for him. And lately again, maybe because of the holiday and birthday coming up, I am missing him terribly.<P>It could be a long time until April when he is supposed to move...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Why not send him balloons or something to his job for his birthday?? Or even for Valentines Day?? or deliver them yourself about lunch time..and take him to lunch to celebrate??

If you are not in Plan B and you really feel like doing it - go for it! I like the Birthday Balloons idea actually! Something fun and playful! But, you know him better than any of us...

Hi Terri!<P>I say acknowledge his Bday and V day! No plan B for you yet, so go for it girl!!!!<P><BR>Is there something you could get him, do for him, whatever that would evoke something good from the past you two share together that only he and you would know it's importance or meaning? Something the slug wouldn't understand? Hey that way it would be like you getting a sort of gift too! Just think he'd understand the relevance and she'd be... well.... still a clueless slug!<P>FC

I think "Fingers" is on to something here - something that you two shared, something wonderful or truly funny. Something that will evoke happy thoughts.<BR>YOUR memories, YOUR history - oh I like it!!

terri-go for it!!! I had the same B-day problem, we were supposed to be friends & were getting together for his B-day with other friends/couples that we know, I thought & thought & ended up getting a poster he bought at our last vacation framed for him. It meant something to "us" (whatever that is right now), but to the friends who didn't really know us too well, just looked like a nice jesture.<P>He's told me since then, that he's got it hanging up. . .I know it means something to him.<P>I think you should definately (sp) get him something!! Good luck!<BR>

Thanks!<P><B>Thorned Rose</B>, delivery myself is not a great idea... but a balloon bouquet delivered is something like I had in mind. Although I am not in Plan B officially, I have been deliberately limiting contact to his initiative only.<P><B>Alberta</B>, playful is a good idea, too... I am thinking of the "love coupons" idea, but with our current situation, that might be too much. I also don't want to get my friend in any "trouble" for talking to me about what he said to her.<P><B>FC!!!</B> Great to hear from you! I am trying now to think of something to evoke memories of good times together... I like that idea, too.<P>Thank you all for writing. I was afraid, this being the weekend and all, that I wouldn't get any responses, so I am so glad to see so many!<P>I have to admit to leaning in the direction of doing something for V-Day and birthday... and whatever I do would have to go to where he works, because I don't even know where mama slug lives! I figure a sweet reminder of how great I am and how I still love him even through all this crap can't really hurt, can it? Especially when all he can compare it to is the smoking slug!<P> <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Do you have a photo of a vacation spot or something special the two of you went together that was particularly romantic or touched him in some way that would remind him of you? <BR>If so, blow that baby up and frame it (with matting) and wrap it in a big red bow made out of the stuff they lace Victoria's Secret lingerie in, make it smell like you (your perfume), add it with his favorite chocolate...all the things you know about him best that slug would never know about, and have it delivered via courier...with a card...not too mushy, perhaps fun and sexy.<P>I'd do it. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain. What the hell.<P>Catnip =^^=

Terri,<P>Go out and buy yourself something nice for Valentines Day.<P>DONÕT EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM, V-DAY OR HIS BIRTHDAY!<P>If he is thinking life sucks with sluggo & mom-Sluggo, then perhaps he will wonder why you didnÕt send anything.<P>I suggest, as it has been so long,you start weening yourself from him.<P>But this is just my opinion.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I'm with Chris on this one.

Terri,<P>You know where I'm at...<P>...Chris knows about being strung along!<P> <P>Jim

Terri, you already know how I feel.<P>…and look at those who I am in agreement with... old-timers all, who have been following your story for a long, long time.<P>I think a Plan B letter would make a <B>perfect</B> Valentine's Day present for him… and for you as well. <P><BR>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited February 10, 2001).]

I vote for a simple card only for his b-day. Nothing mushy.

<B>OK</B>, y'all bring me right back down to reality, don't you? I can fool myself, and maybe some of the newer people, but I can't fool you. What're friends for, I know, and I TRULY appreciate it. Probably many of you here don't know how long I've been doing this. Let's just put it this way: October 15, 1998 is my registration date with MB. And that was almost to the day 1 month after D-day.<P>So... Plan A hasn't been particularly effective for me. I still believe in my marriage and I still love him. I speak with him politely when he initiates contact, but do not initiate contact myself. He told me about a month ago that he was seeing another lawyer about divorce. And plans to move to Florida with slug are still moving forward as far as I can tell.<P><B>Bitsy</B>, sorry to have missed your response last night - I must have been posting at the same time as you were. We used to have a LOT more contact, but since he announced that he was going to pursue divorce (September) I have severely limited that contact and have only called him about 3 times... all other contact has been initiated by him, and, while it has been more than 3 times, it hasn't been anything like what it used to be.<P><B>Sweetpea</B> - LOL! That would be pretty funny ... somehow I think it would be funnier to me than to him, though! Oh well!<P><B>Catnip</B> - I have pictures of our wedding and honeymoon, pictures from various vacations and all, but he doesn't want to be reminded of how things "used to be." Besides, his vacation with slug to our honeymoon area last year kind of took the "specialness" out of that, at least for me.<P><B>Chris</B>, I don't think I need to "wean" myself, as I don't really have anything to wean from, strictly speaking. I've had more contact over the last two years plus than you did, but his path doesn't really appear to have ever wavered.<P><B>Survivor</B>, I respect your opinion very much... particularly as one who is in recovery. As I said, I probably need the 'reality' check.<P><B>NSR</B>, thanks for your input too...<P><B>WhoDat</B>... yeah, I do know how you feel. And I do think about it a lot - but I guess I still have some work to do on myself when it comes to DOING.<P><B>mthrrhbard</B>, I think yours is a reasonable suggestion. I don't know that I can just let the birthday, in particular, go without any acknowledgement at all. It just isn't "me."<P>Folks, thank you all for your responses. Unfortunately, I'm still just as confused as ever about this. And, since I think I have the flu, I'm not really up to any real decision making today... In the words of the inimitable Scarlett O'Hara, "I shall think about it tomorrow."<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hi Terri,<P>I think you should do what Chris said ... buy yourself something wonderful. I don't think you should do anything for your H. He already knows how wonderful you are, believe me on this one Terri, he does.<P>Maybe my answer is driven by where I'm at right now with my H, I don't know for sure. But I just feel your H has to hit rock bottom and then some before he will realize what he had in you, you don't have to continue showing him at this point ... please do know I have had the same hard time in the past NOT doing things for my H, it just came from love, so natural. So if you do ... I understand, Hon.<P>Love to you Terri.<BR>Jo<P>

Hey Terri!<P>I looked at your profile and noticed that you are in upstate NY. Wouldn't it be cool to have us MB easterners get together to meet in person someday?