Hi all - <P>Please see this post, wanted to be sure I could get all the help I could!<P>Thanks! <BR>SA<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000625.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000625.html</A> <P>

Hello So Angry,<BR>Let me encourage you to say that you are doing a great job just "being there" for him. Encouraging him and loving him. Truely that is about the only thing you can continue to do for now. The withdrawal stage is something only the Betrayer can go through "alone". As long as you are able to uphold him he should start to come around in asking questions, revealing thoughts ect ect. The next best thing ofcourse is to make sure that YOU are meeting his needs to the best of your ability. I do not think for a minute that ONE person can meet ALL needs ALL of the time. Have you both done that emotional needs questionaire? Do you know what he is lacking that he stepped out the door??<P>The loss of intmacy with you really has NOTHING to do with YOU. It has to do with dealing with the loss of respect for yourself! The live with the fact that you betrayed your spouse, you feel dirty, bad, sad and angry all at the same time!! It just takes time to work through that. I have seen posts through here that people are able to renew their intimacy with each other quickly, but it has been a year and I (i am the betrayer) still have a tough time in that area.<P>Any.....and i mean ANY contact with OP sets the betrayer back...as time goes on the set backs are not quite so bad.<P>learning to trust your spouse who ahs not met needs...(ofcourse i do nto know you) and breaks promises... is one of the hardest things to do..and it the utmost important part of recovery.<P>Running away from the situatin sounds sooooo heavanly..... just to disapear.. luxury...the only bad part is.. it is waiting for you somewhere down the road and you ahve to face it sometime. It doesn't change anything. And quite frankly if you do not face up to what you ahve done (rather..he face up to what he has done) then he will carry that self loathing and inablitly to have a healthy relatiohship with him.<P>Hang on there.... there is recovery out there...you just have to work for it.<P>mercy<P>

mercy: Thanks for your words of encouragement. It helps to know that the 'intimacy feeling' thing has more to do about his feelings for HIMSELF than me. Wow. I haven't felt that we are ready for the EN questionnaire until - maybe - the last couple of weeks. Maybe we'll give it a shot. <P><< to the top !!>