Hi. Not sure if you know who I am, but I wanted to say that your response to the V-Day question really touched me. Maybe you could look at my other post and offer some sage advice. Would it be horrible if I used parts of your letter as I too have been very judgemental..what makes us this way and others not?<P>How long have you been trying to recover?<BR>When was D day for you?<BR>How long did it take for you to decide that you WANTED to recover? How about your spouse?<BR>How long before you start to feel like recovery is the right option?<P>Thanks, LL

Hi LL, of course you can use parts of my letter! I'm flattered that you like it that much!<P>We've only been trying to recover since mid-Dec. I'm probably shouldn't call it recovery, because even though my H's affair is over, AND he has professed to wanting to work on our marriage, AND meets with Steve Harley...I'll be implementing Plan B in the near future. <sigh> <P>I have had lots of mini D-Days starting in Jan 00. H continued to deny it though. He finally admitted it (sorta) on May 1, 00. The final D-Day came in Dec, when I discovered the affair was back on again, and I cut contact with him. He dumped the OW and started counseling with Steve.<P>I have always wanted recovery. I want my marriage to be whole. My husband swore up and down that he wanted the same thing in Dec, but has yet to really truly back up his words with his actions, hence the coming move to Plan B under Steve's advice. <P>In the meantime, I struggle to keep up my Plan A, which is how I came up with that V-Day idea.<P>I don't have a lot of hope for my marriage. But I'll be able to say that I gave it everything I had, and in the end, I'll be a better person for it.<P>As for your other thread - I don't have any sage advice I can say that I truly believe that love is a choice, and its up to you to choose how you will act. If you choose to love him, then act that way. You will need to allow your H to attempt to meet your needs. Shutting him out will not allow your H to meet your needs, and so you will continue to feel 'dead' towards him.<P>((hugs)) I hope your evening, whatever you decide to do, goes well.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. When I see other's stories, it makes me think I should feel lucky that my H is not with the other woman and that I have not had to deal with the on again, off again crap that so many others have had to endure. I am sorry for your pain.<P>But, I still feel so bad.<P>You wrote, "I truly believe that love is a choice, and its up to you to choose how you will act. If you choose to love him, then act that way. "<P>I simply cannot make the choice to love him when I hate him so much.<P>Sorry to be such a downer today. I just feel horrible.<P>--LL