Married 14 years, three kids. Supposedly this my wife's first affair it went on for four months. After the mountain of lies I've been told I now question everything. I tend to belive her now but want verification to feel completely comfortable with anything she says. I caught my wife around Christmas time and was still lied to for two or three weeks following, about still talking to him and details of the affair.<P>I feel she is being honest with me now but it wouldn't be a complete shock to now she was still seeing or talking with OM. She tells me they are finished and that she wants to focus on our relationship. For that I feel very fortunate after reading the many sad posts. <P>My question is:<P>I'm considering getting a phone recorder (hidden) and a hidden GPS unit to track her car. Please don't laugh! They had planned to be together permanently, several months into the future (the reason they were waiting is not important here). I'm concerned that my W might just be staying around, waiting for this "date" to come up then tell me goodbye. I'm concerned that I may be wasting tons of effort and be hurt even worse if this is the case. If she wants to leave me I think it should be done now and I should't be drawn through the mud again.<P>I know spying is not something that should be done in a relationship but I feel a sense of justification given the affair.<P>Any advice or thoughts?

Welcome <B>Still_suspicious</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I understand where you're coming from...<BR>...been there... done that...<BR>(although the GPS is imaginative!)<P>Have you thought about what you'll do when/if you find out this information???<P>Maybe you have thought it through...<BR>...I hope so.<P>In the mean time... do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>...<BR>It is very effective for all situations!...<BR>...if you realize the <B>effect</B> you're looking for is a better you.<P>About the specifics of "snooping"...<BR>...if you think you must...<BR>...you will.<P>If your W finds out...<BR>...it will be considered an LB...<P>If you (or more importantly) your W thinks she is "in recovery"...<BR>...using <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A> to come to terms of "monitoring" activity/finances/etc. may be a better alternative.<P>But you will know what your need for peace of mind.<P>You have my prayers... <P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

The way you described your situation I would say that it is indeed appropriate to check <BR>up on her through various methods. She sacrificed her trust when she had the affair.<BR>It is clear that you still have grave doubts<BR>about her honesty. Hopefully you will find out for sure one way or another if she is still planning to run away with him. I wish you luck.

I have been plan "A"ing, I started plan "A"ing three weeks BEFORE D-day as I suspected something. It's funny you mention "I need to be prepared for the information I will find". I caught her in a snooping way and told myself before I caught her that I'd better be prepared and be able to the information. It was still extremely difficult and I was still shocked.<P>Things have gone very well, I have made few LB withdraws. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me, problem is she told me that shortly after D-day and it wasn't completely true. It may seem extreme, the measures I'm contemplating. I suspect that I will find she is being honest. I'm sure you can understand my level of distrust after what's happened. I do feel a little psychotic though for spying. I admire the courage of those who don't know exacty what's going on and can still lead lives. Mine has been turned upside-down, I'm self employed and find it difficult to stay motivated and focused.<P>Thanks for your responses.