I had an affair that lasted 20 months. I finally realized that I want my H back. He found out about the affair about 14 months ago, and still loved me and wanted me back. Each night, he waited for me to come home to him, and was devestated. He told me he'd wait for me to "do what I had to do" and find my way back to him. He gave me a deadline of Jan 15th, 2001. In September 2000, he met someone else and is now seeing her. He still loves me and we still live together in separate rooms, but he is not there for me in the way he was, before he met "her" I don't blame him and know I hurt him deeply and what I did was very, very wrong. I really tried to end the affair so many times, but it was hard. Now, I have ended the affair for one month now, and have sat at home each night, crying and waiting for him to come home, much like he had. I am contemplating suicide, even though I am on Paxil and in therapy. The pain is unbearble and I have myself to blame. I know my H went through the exact same thing, but I am not as strong as he was. He spends Sundays with me and my Grandma, but other than that, he is with "her" I say nothing, but he knows my pain. He tells me he still loves me, doesn't want a divorce, or for us to move out, but he is angry and hurt, especially at my lover, and that he needs time. I am finding the pain unbearable, I need him so much. The nights are torturous. I cannot sleep, eat, work, think, etc. I know I put him through the same thing, and for so much longer, but I can't hold on any longer. We went to a therapy session together, but the therapist told me he cannot help us unless we "both" want to reconcile. My H is too hurt and angry, and confused right now. I don't know what to do, the pain is so unbearable. I am trying to do my best to make it up to him and am waiting for him everynight, even when he comes home at 4:00 in the morning, after being with "her" I can hear him calling her all the time, at night, when he thinks I'm sleeping, and I know he spends every minute of his time with her. What "she" does not know, is that we still have sex, and that he still loves me. Yes, he approaches me for sex, and I am not going to turn him away. He claims the does not have a sexual relationhip with her "yet" I don't believe him, but the sex between us is not loving and caring. He is gentle but does not show any love or emotion. Yet, I will not turn him away, less he turn to her. She is 19, and he is 30, I keep saying it won't last, but its been more than 4 months now. I am trying to hold on, the same way my H waited for me, but it's really, really hard. At least, my H knew I would never leave him, and I had always planned to find my way back to him, but with this girl in the picture, I'm losing hope. I deeply regret this affair, but cannot take it back. I pray God will show me mercy and not take my H or my marriage away from me. I pray for another chance to make this marriage work, and am committed. I have not seen my lover for one month! Do you think my H will give a reconciliation a try, with time? What do I do in the meantime? It's killing me when I need him so much, I need to have him hold me and kiss me and sleep in my bed. We still spend time together, and he is available for me to call 24/7, but I don't think he will give this girl up, and I don't want to ask. I have no more rights or power with him anymore, and feel like the ball is now in his court.<P>Please, please do not judge me for my mistakes. Please give me some advice!<BR>Thanks.

I was just finishing a long reply when the power went out for several minutes! So here I go again. I am also new here and wish someone could tell me what is going to happen to my marriage and what I could do to save it, but nobody knows that. My 48 year old H is having an A with a 22 year old former employee, also married with a 3 year old D, from the business we jointly own and run. The only difference between your pain and mine is that you seem to be overwhelmed with guilt over your A. Understandable, but 2 wrongs don't make a right. Your H knew how much your A hurt him and knew he'd be inflicting that same pain on you. At least he's still at home, that seems pretty hopeful. My H moved in with his OW over 2 and 1/2 months ago. Although he says he still loves me and will always love me, he has no intention of moving back home, at least not now. He is very angry at me and has a long list of resentments against me, which resulted in his feeling unloved and unsupported. We were also still making love, and having great sex, until last Friday when he began feeling remorseful for cheating on the OW! For myself, I'm trying to let go of expectations since they just lead to resentments and hurt feelings. Think how long it took you to get over the OM. He may need just as long to get over OW - painful, but true.

Lee-Ann,<P> Sorry to hear the pain that you are going through. I now just how much it hurts as I was in the same position as your husband for a long period of time. All I can tell you is to read up on Plan A and hope for the best. Maybe a little spiritual guidance might help bring you strength. Try to remember all the things he did that you liked and disliked while he waited for you as a basis for what you should do while you learn about Plan A.<BR>

lee-ann,<P>I am sorry to see you here. I would recommend that you read more about Plan A and many other aspects of rebuilding your marriage. You can find a post by NSR in the "Just Found Out" section. In this section NSR's general greeting contains bookmarks to many articles of interest to you.<P>These articles will show you that your marriage can be rebuilt. Also if you get a chance please read His Needs Her Needs by Harley. It will give you some ideas on how to reconnect to your H. Finally, try reading Surviving an Affair. This book will give you some good insights into how the mechanics of an affair work and how most of them evolve.<P>As to your current situation, please hang on. Your H probably is not sure that your affair is over, it has only been one month and he probably isn't certain it is over yet. I suspect your word on this is not going to carry much weight.<P>I am guessing but I suspect that your interest in rebuilding your marriage and ending the affair really only came after your H's affair started. So I also am guessing that your H's anger is that it took him having an affair for you to consider ending a 20 month affair. One that you apparently had right in front of him.<P>This doesn't justify his affair, (he should have divorced you instead and then begun to date this woman), but obviously he didn't want to divorce you or he would have. I find it interesting that you worry about him divoceing you when he withstood this pain for so many months and still hasn't filed although there is OW in the picture.<P>So what to do, well don't kill yourself! That is not the way to rebuild a marriage. Read the material here, you will see that neither your affair nor your H's is all that unique. In fact the progress is pretty much the same in many of them. You will also come to realize that you can rebuild your marriage,but it will take much longer than one month to do it. <P>For example, you will find it will be many months before your OM doesn't have some pull to you. This period is called withdrawal, because the affair is so much like and addiction. It will take awhile for your H's anger to subside, and I suspect that as it does, the attraction of the OW will subside.<P>As for the sex not containing much emotion, don't be surprised. Your affair did a lot of damage to him, and to survive it he had to bury his love. Indeed it wasn't until he really buried it that he could start his own affair. It will take time for all of the wounds to heal. Plus it will take time for him to trust that your affair is over. I suspect that he won't end his affair until he is certain that you are for real.<P>So Plan A lee-ann. This approach is for you to address your own issues and make it save for him to return to you emotionally. That will take some time but if you read up on Plan A you will find that it is deceptive in its power to help you and allow you to rebuild your marriage.<P>So don't panic and hang in there. Your marriage can be rebuilt, but it will take time. So have patience, work on yourself, and let time work its magic on your marriage.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

lee-ann,<P>How are you doing? Just checking on you.<P>JL

Thank you for your kind support. Sorry, I meant to reply sooner, but I've been so overwhelmed with sadness. Will try to send you a long reply after work today.<P>Again, thank you!<BR>

Sorry for the late reply. I have not being doing well lately.<P>Will try my best to reply to you after work today.<P>Again, sorry for the delay.<BR>Your comments are appreciated!

Sorry for the late reply, but I haven't been doing well lately.<BR>I will try to reply after work tonight, your comments are appreciated.

Hi Lee-Ann,<BR> I'm sorry for your pain. I TOTALLY agree with JL, he loves you or he would be gone. He just won't give up his "comfort" until he's sure you have. You mention "ONE MONTH" of no contact like it's a long time. It's NOTHING in this game believe me!!<BR> <BR> I have an idea. Somewhere on this website there is a template for a "NO-CONTACT" letter. Maybe if you read this and came up with one to send to your OM and showed it to your H THIS, may be enough for HIM to want to do the same and break contact with OW.<BR> If in the letter you tell OM how much you love, need and want your husband and how much you regret the affair and want your Marriage, THIS will be a way to TELL your H and assure him the affair is really over. What do you think? I really think this would help him BELIEVE that it's really over between you and OM. Let's face it, he's probably lived with a LOT of lies and false hope in the last 20 months and finds it hard to believe it's over because HE sees you as afraid you may lose HIM. He probably figured as soon as he stops seeing OW you'll run back to OM. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"

Men! Why did your H have an affair?<BR>I'm sorry to hear about your pain also. Yes, I am in turmoil, becasue my H sat home for 18 months (sorry not 20 months), while I carried on my affair. Now, he's doing the same thing to me, and making me wait for him. I now know, the pain I put him through!<BR>I don't think he is doing this intentionally, but regardless, it hurts.<BR>Do you think your H will leave you, now that he's moved in with her. I don't think it will last. The age difference and all. She is way too young and immature! Why is your H so mad at you?<P>It's awful when your own H, says he feels he's cheating on his mistress! My H said the same thing to me, and I was devestated!<P>I will always love my OM, and will never forget the 18 months we shared, but I deeply regret hurting my H, and destroying our marriage.<P>I hope your H comes around and realizes that it won't last with this young chick!<P>I know I shouldn't say this, but "girls" like her should stay away from married men.<P>When my H and I separated (but still live together) and he started seeing this "girl" well she knew that we were still living together. I don't think she knows we still have sex, I feel like telling her! <BR>I hate her so much! I think its the thrill of dating a married man that eggs her on!<P>These women are trash!

Hi HI Infidelity:<BR>Thank you for your concern. Yes, it's torture to sit at home, while your H is out with this young chick.<BR>On Valentine's Day, he took "ME" to dinner, and I couldn't figure out why he didn't take her. Well, he did see her during the day!<BR>That night, he came home with 1/2 dozen red roses and chocolates. I couldn't help but think - did he buy a dozen and split it with "her?"<BR>Thanks for my snooping around, I found receipts galore.<BR>Turns out he bought "her" a DOZEN red roses, chocolates, lingerie and jewellery! I was so hurt by this. I never bought my OM anything more than my H. I couldn't bring this up with my H, less he know I was snooping!<P>I am so upset by this. He's only known her a few months, and we've been together 9 years!<P>I'm having a little trouble in locating Plan A, I'm so busy at work and don't get to go on computer at all!<BR>I am trying my best to win my H back and am doing all the things that she does for him and more! I don't mean to sound cruel, but I hope she is out of the picture soon. She's too young and needs to step back and give our marriage a shot. She doesn't know that we still love each other!<BR> <BR>What's your story?

You know Lee-Ann, you were doing so well in your posts, until you made the following statement....<BR>"I will always love my OM, and will never forget the 18 months we shared"<P>WOW...and you expect help when you make a statement like that???? What would your husband say if he knew that?...<BR>and then you say "These women are trash!" well, if i'm not mistaken, that was you a month ago...<BR>I think you need to reassess your priorities here. If you truly loved your husband and wanted him back, then you should feel that with every bit of love in your heart. There isn't room for two loves in there. I may sound harsh, and I know I don't contribute a lot to these forums, but I just couldn't help responding to your statements......<BR>I wish you all the luck in the world.<P>

Hi Just Learning:<BR>Thank you for your kind words. We all see and hear about affairs, but I never thought mine would last so long, nor that it would destroy my H and our marriage so much. I guess I was naieve, since my H told me that he loved me so much, he would wait for me to get over this and be there for me. Then when he set the Jan 15th deadline, he didn't live up to it, since he met someone else already!<P>I am trying so hard to win my H back and he knows it, but he is still so hurt and angry, especially at my OM. I have not spoken or seen the OM for one month now, and it's not easy either. Especially since my H is so distant and cold, whereas, I can easily find comfort, love and attention with OM, which is what attracted me to him.<P>I have been home every night, cooking and cleaning for my H, talking to him, taking an interest in his work, his life, I have controlled my temper and been nice and polite, doing little things for him all the time.<P>I did some snooping around, which is awful, but I was desperate and had to know where I stand, and how far the relationship with this "girl" had gone. He swears he has not had sex with her yet, but I don't believe him, and its killing me, not knowing.<P>I found out he spent Valentine's day with her, and the evening with me. He bought me 6 red roses and chocolates, and bought her a dozen, chocolates, jewellery and lingerie! I was devestated. I have never bought more for more OM, than I did for my H!!<P>I am so hurt but cannot confront him.<P>He told me last night to wait for him, that he's "almost home" and is finding his way back to me and I don't know what that means! I feel him coming back to me, but when?? I don't want to pressure him, but I cannot sit home everynight.<P>I don't know if I could ever trust him either. He lies about being with her and I don't know his schedule anymore, I've seen his journal entries, and they schedule their days off together. I can't keep tabs on him forever, nor do I want too! <P>Help!<P>Yes, you are right, only when I realized that I might lose my H, and the fact that he met someone, is what made me come back to him. He knows this too and even confronted me, but I told him I had these feelings before he met her too! <BR>I, don't even understand this, perhaps when you feel you're losing someone, then you smarten up!!<P>I worry about him not coming back to me, because he's made comments, whether out of anger, I don't know. Such as, "if things don't work out, I want us to remain close friends" etc...<P>Your withdraw symptoms you write about are already happening. Especially the nights when my H is with "her" I find myself missing my OM so much. I can have his love, attention, affection and comfort, but I have to stay away. So hard, when my H doesn't give me this right now! <P>I miss my OM's kisses, his hugs, his jokes, his everything. I'm feeling so unloved right now,<P>If my H is unable to show emotion during sex, then why does he initiate it? Is this sex out of anger, or a need, or what? Am I to really believe that he has not had sex with this "girl" yet, since the sex between us is quite regular? I am in denial, since my H has been so devoted to me, so much, that in all these years, he's never even looked at another woman (not in my presence anyhow).<P>I find myself losing patience and unable to hang in there. I've told my H how painful it is, how unbearable, the mornings and nights are awful.<P>He is coming around thought. He spend Friday night with me, when he had her penciled in! Don't know what happened. Then last night, he came to my room and told me to hang in there, to wait for him, it won't be much longer, that he's trying to find his way back to me, and that "he's almost home" I couldn't sleep the whole time, because I've never gotten such a strong sign that was POSITIVE. I just don't know what he meant, and I don't want to put pressure on him.<P>Help!<BR>

<BR>Boomer:<BR>I don't regret my affair, life's too short for regrets. If I did not love my OM, why would I have carried on for 18 months!!! Despite the fact that my affair shouldn't have happened, it did! And I'm sure thousands of other people, still love and think about their past loves, don't you???<P>I would never tell my H the things I say here. This is after all, a place to vent, for SUPPORT and advice, not criticism!!!<P>I would not be an honest person if I lied, now would I, nor am I ashamed to admit my feelings. I am not so heartless as to have an affair, and say it didn't mean anything, it was just sex. That would be a LIE!<P>Excuse me, but you don't know the circumstances that led to my affair, and I hardly consider MYSELF to be trash! <P>I have ended the affair, but my feelings for my past lover don't need to be buried, of course my priority is my H, but my memories of my OM are mine, to do with as I please! I am not advertising them to my H, nor pushing them in his face. <P>Hey all out there, I'm sure you all agree, so let's get some replies to BOOMER here!!<P>Your words are not harsh, just INSULTING and DISRESPECTFUL. Especially, since you don't contribute alot, as you said, so when you do contribute, why not try to send something postive to NEW MEMBERS!<P>Sorry, but I don't need YOUR LUCK! I can do without. <P>Please do not respond back.<P>I need support and positive feedback.<P>You need to get a life and take your anger out on someone else.<P>I suspect someone cheated on you!<P>

lee-ann:<P>Please remember that many of us here have been cheated on, just as you have been cheated on by your H. We also experience the terrible pain that you are going through.<P>boomer simply pointed out what many of us know, that to restore the marriage, the wayward spouse must make no room for any other person emotionally. <P>Being cheated on does not make any of us losers, or less than normal decent people as your tone implied to boomer.<P>Most affairs by women aren't about sex. No one suggested that yours was. But you are also only 1 month out of your affair, and still in what we call "the fog" or basically, under the influence. Later on, as your marriage is repaired, or time and wisdom has its effect, you'll see that your affair wasn't about love at all. It was about emotional needs that the OM met for you that your H wasn't meeting.<P>I can tell you, as my H and I try to repair our marriage after his affair, I have felt terrible desires to punish him, to make him hurt the way he hurt me. Your H sounds like he is punishing you - letting you experience what he felt while you cheated on him. <P>As others have suggested, if you really want your marriage restored, you should get a copy of Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. You might also ask your H to attend some phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer Harley. (Under the Counsel link).<P>Good luck lee-ann. I hope you find help here on this site.<P><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited February 20, 2001).]

Well, since you assumed information about me that was definitely not true, I suppose I am justified in responding. And if you want this to be a monologue, rather than a dialogue, I sugguest you continue your insulting manner. <P>1. I truly have no idea why you continued to be unfaithful to your spouse for 18 months, I suspect you had some unmet emotional needs that you found somehow fulfilled by your "OM".<P>2. I would suggest that your husband definitely "regrets" your infidelities, even though you don't.<P>3. True, I don't know the circumstances of your affair, but just like those "people" who go on the Jerry Springer show, you have opened up your life to those of us here, and if you don't want our help, or guidance, then I wouldn't be so forthcoming about it.<P>4. I may not contribute a lot to these conversations, but I have been here for over 2 years, learning, reading and becoming a much better spouse. I believe that you have a lot to learn about the marriage builders concept, and the people who post here will help you. If you can open up your mind enough to allow that. What I said to you was not insulting or disrespectful, what I said was how would your husband feel if he knew you "will always love the OM"... I stand by my orginal statement. <P>As to the trash statement, exactly how is this woman different from you? If it's because you were not sleeping with a married man, then that's great... You were only trashing your own marriage vows, not 2 couples. But a spade is a spade, and for you to call this girl trash really says alot about your character. <P>I am not going to get into a fight with you here, but I will not let you slam me without a response. <P>I have a great life, mostly in part to the things I have learned from this site and the people who contribute to it. There are a lot of wise people here, most of them going through something very similar to what you are going through. Learn from them. <P>I'm sorry for your obvious pain. I'm also sorry that you feel like you have to discredit me. I do wish you luck, just make sure that you are focused on the real reward at the end, which is to make your marriage the strongest it can be.<p>[This message has been edited by boomer (edited February 20, 2001).]

Lee-Ann<P>I humble submit that you consider the honesty issues from this site with your views of your husband. As you stated that you don’t care for his lies, I'm sure the same holds true for holding your tongue about your continued feelings for the OM. <P>Please understand that the folks that responded to your post were the ones you asked for help. Boomer was only trying to get you to wake up and look in the mirror, not insult you. Every bit of Boomers words were meant to help. <P>The sooner that you look at your affair and the OM as poison to your marriage, the quicker you'll be in a position to win your husband back. Consider your own words "I don't believe him, and its killing me". Sounds like his actions with OW have a fairly lethal affect on you too. <P>Do you think your husband could really make great strides in being loving and caring toward you if he was mentally placing his OW on a pedestal or do you think he might just go through the motions as an emotionless zombie? OK now go look in the mirror. <P>The second thing I would like you to consider is the concept that affairs are an extremely selfish act among the participants. Most involved tend to only focus on themselves and their needs. Just listen to the I's & Me's in their daily speech. While you were having your affair, I'd bet your husband had most of his focus on you. I'd also assume that you hardly noticed or cared. Well the story line is no longer about you and what you want, it's about him and what he needs. Cruel but most likely true. <P>How can I make these wild assumptions with out knowing you? Most affairs follow somewhat of a similar script in how they play out. Just read the info on this site.<P> I also think that you're out of line with your "Men!" remark. This site is full of honorable and noble men & women. So put down the boxing gloves and grow a few more layers of skin, because if you want help from us the first thing you need to understand is you need to change long before you can expect your husband to. <P>Flame me if you must. The only person you'll be hurting is yourself.<P>Would you like something to do tonight to work on this. Tell you husband how proud you are of him for waiting so long for you and thank him for considering the potential of coming home sooner than you. Tell him you admire his strength and character for that. Tell him you're proud of him for sticking to his Jan 15th deadline and not continuing to feel hopeless waiting for you and you understand that he did the only thing he could to wake you up.

lee-ann - <BR>Let's look at this...you had a 20 month affair that ended when <I>you</I> wanted it to. Your husband is now involved in a 4 month affair that you want ended when <I>you</I> want it to?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>what I did was very, very wrong<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Well, you got off to a good start but, <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't regret my affair<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>then, <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>but you don't know the circumstances that led to my affair<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sorry, lee-ann, but there is <B>never, never, never ever any</B> justification for an affair. Never, never never. Sorry, no excuse in the world will work.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Hey all out there, I'm sure you all agree, so let's get some replies to BOOMER here<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This last statement will not get you any friends here. We don't do that sort of thing here. Boomer wasn't the least disrespectful, he just didn't agree with your rationalizations as I don't and probably most of the people here don't. I don't believe you even realize how some of your statements, like those above, are going to offend most people here. If you want empathy for your love for OM, maybe the "Other Woman" board is for you. <P>On the other hand, if you truly respect marriage, truly love your husband, then you have come to the right place. You will get lots of help here. You have said a lot of positive things:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I finally realized that I want my H back...I need him so much...I pray for Another chance to make this marriage work, and am committed...I have been home every night, cooking and cleaning for my H, talking to him, taking an interest in his work, his life, I have controlled my temper and been nice and polite, doing little things for him all the time...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Now with the above, you have a good starting place. Keep up all of this. Don't demand(just yet) that he give up OW. I hope you have found the Plan A info, but just in case: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What are Plan A and Plan B?</A><P>You've been given some very good advice here, even from boomer. It is well time that you listened and started the Plan A self-improvement program. It will make you feel better about your self and more attractive for your husband to return to it that does happen.<P>You are going to get advice here that is going to hurt because you are going to see yourself reflected in a mirror and won't like a lot of what you see. Take each piece of advice in the manner in which it is offered which is to help you deal with your marriage.<P>To be honest, your husband is acting out his feelings of revenge that most of us BS have secretly wanted to do, but never did. He is not in the right, but you aren't either. You both have a lot of work to do.<P>--DeWayne--

lee-ann,<BR> I agree with what everyone here is saying (BOOMER included) and now after the "I don't regret my affair" statement I doubt your intentions. You sound very young and like someone that wants her "cake and eat it too" <BR> I mentioned sending a NO-CONTACT letter to OM and you never responded to it. WHY? Is this the message that you send to your H too? No wonder he's not willing to break contact with OW when you"<BR> 1) Don't regret your affair.<BR> 2) Still "miss" OM's kisses hugs etc...<BR> If this comes out in just writing, I can imagine how much it must come out in person to your H.<BR> Your OM isn't the wonderful person you think he is. He's may have been but by sneaking around with a married woman for almost 2 years he's been a SNAKE and a JERK. Couldn't he find his "OWN" woman or is he just a LOSER??<BR> Just in case you think he's your "soul mate" 97% of ALL affairs end. The very thing that drove them KILLS them. Deceit, lies, hurt etc..<BR> If you stayed with OM (or go back) once the "smoke" clears. HE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU and YOU WILL NEVER TRUST HIM. Why? And the guilt WILL HIT YOU SOME DAY. And him....This is why they fail.<BR> Now back to the NO CONTACT letter to your OM. If you sit down with your H and write this letter you may have a chance. But, if you aren't ready to make this commitment I don't blame him (not that it's right)for not trusting you and finding comfort somewhere else after all this time "waiting" for you to come out of the "fog" - "fantasy" you are in.... GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS (PRAYERS MOSTLY) FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"<p>[This message has been edited by PLEASE HELP (edited February 20, 2001).]

Lee-Ann,<P>One of the most astonishing things through my experience has been the ping pong emotions I have.<P>They change constantly and I find that I fly from severe anger to depression within hours.<P>I don't think it matters which side of the fence you fall on. These emotions or "fog" as it's called cause reactions that IMPACT your potential outcome.<P>I strongly encourage you to walk in his shoes and continue to treat him with the love, compassion and understanding you hope to be treated with. Don't stop. Make it your mission.<P>He clearly loves you deeply, the historical actions indicate that, but you have a lot of building to do and it's just the beginning.<P>Stay focused and filter every action and reaction against what you would need, then give it. The rest is up to him.<P>My heart goes out to you both.. God Bless.<P>K