Hi Cjack,<P>I wanted you to know that I realize tomorrow is suppose to be D day for you. And you know that I too will be experiencing the same probably sooner than later this year.<P>Just know that I know how this hurts, it's a deep deep hurt that you can't express with words. But CJack ... if this D happens you get a new start - clean slate. I know this doesn't help right now, but there is a reason you/we've been given this opportunity, and a reason you've gone thru this hell .... we have to accept it and find what we learned from it and take that life's lesson and make it better than what we had before, because we are better than we were before. <P>Cjack, our only other choice is to be callus and bitter and never let anyone into our hearts again, never love again. I want to believe we have the capacity to forgive and the resilience to allow ourselves to be happy despite what we've been thru. No one is going to do this for us, CJack, it's up to us. <P>I want you to know I realize how hard it is to just say "okay, I'm gonna be happy, to hell with what I've been thru, I don't deserve to be a bitter hard person, I'm gonna be HAPPY DAMNIT!" ... but that's almost what we have to tell ourselves. If we don't we could end up old dried-up used-up bitter people with nothing but mean hateful stories about how we were mistreated. Lets not let that happen to us, DEAL?<P>And do me a favor, okay CJack? When I go thru my D day will you send me back this post??? I know I'll need it ... why is it so easy to give such good advice to others ... but never able to follow it ourselves??? <P>You're in my thoughts today and tomorrow, lots of prayers for you too.<P>Love,<BR>Jo<P>------------------<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited February 14, 2001).]

Cjack,<P> I have been keeping up with your posts,even tho I dont respond to them,I am lurking.Have no advice for you,but I know tomorrow is D _day for you.I am praying for you. <BR> Beth

Cjack-I don't want to give you false hope, but in a book I was reading it talked about a couple who was divorced, the W still wanted the marriage, the H didn't (he was having an A). They ended up getting re-married a few years later. . I don't know if you're religous or not, but in this story the W finially gave it all up to God, began completely working on only herself & her baggage, and that's when it happened.<P>I'm not saying wait forever, I'm just saying, move on w/you, cuz we all know only you can make YOU happy. But I'm sure it's happened before.<P>Thinking about you.

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts. I really appreciate everyone on these boards.<P>I had a long talk with STBX last night, and told her about this place. She never wanted to hear about it before. I told her about the Fog, the similarities between what she says and what all the other WS say, and she even agreed that things probably won't work out with OM! Still, she feels its too late, and I think she wants out just to ease the burden of guilt. After tomorrow she can carry on with OM or whomever she wants to without having to worry about hurting me.<P>Yeah, it's messed up, but I've done all I could. Tomorrow will be the worst day of my life...it can only get better from there, right?<P>Thanks again to all. Jo, I'll still be lurking for a little while. Let me know when your D is so I can mark it on my calendar. I don't think I'll have much use for MB after tomorrow...you can't Build a Marriage that doesn't exist.

Cjack,<BR> <BR> Couples have been known to reconcile after a divorce.Perhaps OM has been pressuring her for a divorce.If you feel you must move on,then do so.But if you would like your marriage restored,even after a divorce,it is possible.<P> Prayers,beth

Hey, Cactus. I know that you will not sleep tonite. You will reflect on all that has led up to this point in your life. <P>I want to remind you, that you were the one with strength to try to repair things. You were the one with the pure heart. You will have happiness again. For someone that can love so deeply, it is inevitable. You will be fine in the long run. <P>I still think of you just down the road at work. Hang in there, I'll be thinkin about ya. Your going to make it!<P>Beth