Rundown- H had a month Long EA with a MW from work been ATTEMPTING plan A since DDay in Dec 2000 Supposedly no contact with OW since DDay.<BR>anyhow my post is this.<BR>WE were arguing the other day about his employment. He quit job so there was no contact with OW. but the thing about this that was bothering me was he didnt have another job lined up so he was unemployed for a month and we had no income.after he got another job he quit it 3 days later cause he didnt like it. this time he had a job lined up but he lied to me and said he got fired so i wouldnt argue with him for quitting. after i found out he lied to me we argued.. we were both LBing left and right. ( ever notice that in the heat of the moment you forget everything you learn here?) During this aonther idbit of info about OW spilled from his lips. nothing major just that she had driven by his work .. he feels this info is inadiquate and there was no need to tell me. I am connstantly catching him in lies and it hurts. it makes me wonder when hes being truthful since he can look me in the face and lie so well. He says he didnt sleep with her. this i want to believe but is it really the truth?. I cant trust anything he says everything he tells me COULD be a lie. and its driving me crazy. I want to put our marriage back right I want to put this behind me but how can I when all he does is lie. i can never believew him no matter how much i want to..... if i do believe him i feel like im deluding myself by wanting to believe him. Most time when i catch him in lies he says He didnt lie. ( his delusional way of thinking is that just because he didnt tell me vital information that this isnt a lie)<BR>anyhow what i mean is could it be my fault he feels he cant tell me the truth?<BR>AS of 2/13/01 the Affair was my fault cause his needs werent being met.... after i have been blamed for that and everything else under the sun. he writes me of list of things i cannot do.. rule #1 was that i couldnt post here at MB. my response was that Mb. would be here long after he wasnt. i know major LB. <BR>Any helpful advice on how to get H to stop lying and or to stop blaming for everything under sun would be helpful.<BR>thank you<BR><P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

OnceBetrayed,<BR>My H has this problem too. He learned from his father. Not an excuse, just a starting point. Nothing I did made any difference. He did finally realize how badly it was hurting us and he is in counseling. I'm sorry I can't give you any advice. You know him better than anyone and if you haven't learned how to spot the lies yet, you will. He has to be the one to want to stop. After a while it's easier for them to lie than tell the truth, even about stuff that doesn't really matter, not just A's. I wish I could help you, but it's all got to be up to him. The good news is that a counselor can really help them quite easily if they have the desire to stop. One thing that helped my H was that I told him it's not what he's lying about--it's the fact that he lies at all. Good luck. It's a tough one.

MrsB,<BR>How long does it take for them to realize the lies hurt?...... any suggestion for liars who "dont believe in Shrinks"???????<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

I know it was a huge LB but I packed his bags for him and told him I would get a court order to force him out. In my state I couldn't just change the locks because his name is on the mortgage, too. All this was over a "little" lie, not even about the A. I also called him by his fathers name. He hates what his father did but he was doing the same thing. He wound up begging to stay and I said only if... <BR>Well, it was a tense scene, to the least. He never believed in therapy, either. His father had him "locked in" for a month when he was a teenager and rebeling about his fathers remarriage. <BR>I told you it was a big LB. But for him, it worked. It was after the PA (no emotional) was over. I had reached my limit and he knew I was serious. I don't have any none LBing advice on this one. Sorry. What I did was heat of the moment when I reached my limit. I was lucky that it worked. It could have backfired right in my face.