Well, I've been single for a little over two hours now. In the spirit of helping others, I'd like to give the BS's here another piece of ammo to use in the fight I just lost.<P>I had a talk with my X afterwards. Once again she told me how she loved me, and didn't want to hurt me, and she re-iterated that she "had to" go through with the divorce. All along she's insisted that she's not leaving me for the OM, and that we wouldn't have made it even if it weren't for him. I think I've managed to convince her otherwise, but here's what she said today:<P>"It wouldn't be fair to you if I had come back. How could I come back to our marriage and hope to make it work when I have feelings for someone else?"<P>The last thing I said before she left was: "I bet you never thought of saying 'Steve, it won't work out between us...I still have feelings for my husband.'"<P>So for those of you who get the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech, spring that one on 'em...I'd love to hear "sorry OP, I'm in love with you, but I LOVE my spouse."<P>Have a better day...I know I will.<P>cjack<P>The Past Does Not Equal the Future

<BR>The last thing I said before she left was: "I bet you never thought of saying 'Steve, it won't work out between us...I still have feelings for my husband.'">>>><P>Great line! Did she say anything back?<P>So for those of you who get the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech>>><P>My H actually never said that. His was even better! The night he told me he was leaving and wanted a divorce he said "I don't think I love you anymore" then, 10 minutes later said "You know I will always love you but it's just not working out" Huh, what!?!? Has anyone seen the commercial with the guy selling little dolls for people to smash? All the little dolls say annoying cliche sayings and "I love you but..." Is one of them.<P>I hope things work out for you Cjack and i hope someday your XW realizes what she has done and what she's lost.

I loved your response to your X. What a day it must have been for you with a wealth of emotions, I'm sure. I hope that you can proceed from here with the pride of having taken the high road and fought the good fight. I know that may seem a little empty, but I think it is a huge thing to be proud of. <P>You can go forth with a clear conscience and the peace of knowing you gave it your all. I'm sure that what you've been through and learned has made you stronger (you know that old saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger). When you have had a chance to heal, I'm sure that some other lucky woman will be the beneficiary of all you've been through! <P>Hang in There.

cjack<P>I loved your line. I am going to remember it.<P>I'll just echo what Exhausted wrote.<P>You have done great, hang in there.

CJACK,<BR>If I didn't know better I would say that your X and my wife have been reading from the same script. Do they have a book of quotes in the book store somewhere for WS's???<P>I thought of you today, and wondered how long it will be before I am in your shoes.<BR>At least one of you will be able to look in the mirror and feel good about what you have done. The more I get into this the more I realize that it will be there loss in the big picture. On judgement day, you will be able to walk up to those gates with your head held high! <P>Best of luck my friend...<BR>Mike

Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. You know, I actually feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel relieved...I don't have to worry about the divorce anymore.<P>Fairydust: She said "You know, you're right" All I needed to hear! She has been adamant from day one that this thing with OM is "different" from all the others. I've e-mailed her threads from these forums a few times, and each time she would angrily insist that our situation was different.<P>I think that somewhere, she knows exactly what she's losing, and she has even admitted to me that OM may not be all he's cracked up to be. I'm just waiting for the "I made a huge mistake" speech. <P>Exhausted: That doesn't sound shallow at all! I know I did all I could to save this thing, but the patient was DOA. Oddly enough, my divorce was final on the anniversary of my father's death. He had a massive heart attack. My mother and sister did CPR until the paramedics arrived, and the hospital pulled out all the stops to save him. After it was all over, the doctor said "you know, if he had been here at the hospital, with a team of heart surgeons around him, he still would've died...it was his time." I feel that way about my marriage now. It wasn't that I wasn't a good husband, it wasn't that I didn't try...it was just my time to get divorced.<P><BR>Sing...how about if I echo what I wrote to Exhausted? Thanks!<P>Mike...Mike...Mike. I hope you never get to this stage. Like I've said to you before, now is the time to focus on yourself. Here's what I would do: Live your life as if she was already gone. If you were already divorced, what would you be doing? Sitting around trying to figure out how to get your W back? Of course not! You'd be getting on with your life! So get on with it NOW. Don't wait for her to come out of the Fog...you could be waiting a long time. Instead, live your life like a single guy. Buy some new clothes, shop around for a new car, the kind you would drive if you were a single guy, etc. <P>Their are two positive things about this attitude. First, if she really DOES leave you for good, you'll already be a few steps ahead on the road to post-married life. And if she comes back, she won't get the same man she left. Maybe even seeing how you've changed will renew her interest in you. Remember, you were a single guy when you two first met...act like one now, and she may see some of what first attracted her to you.<P>As for the script, I'm beginning to believe that there IS one! <p>[This message has been edited by cjack (edited February 15, 2001).]

I believe there is a script, too ... even the "slow" ones speak from it here and there (like mine). Trouble is, they think that every word they are saying is 100% original.<P>Hang in there cjack ... you are ok and you will be better!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I've also gotten the line, "I'll always love you," with a qualifying,"but there's too much water under the bridge." Good line. Before Plan B, it sometimes helped me to think of a clever comeback, but other times it just made me feel more impotent since it never really had any effect on H. <P>Anyway, good luck. I'm new here so I don't know your whole story. It must have been a hard day.

Yes, My H also said I love you, but not that way?? I then asked him if he had sex with all his friends.( We still had sex and never stopped.) He said "No, of course not." <BR>Duhhhhh What does that way mean??<BR> I am so sorry about your D. God bless<P>------------------<BR>Deb