Hey Rick,<BR>Just checking up on you, haven't seen too much from you lately. . just nothing going on? I haven't really noticed too many replies from you to other posts either.<P>How's those babies???<BR>

i was wondering also. i enjoy your posts to others, they are always I think helpful.<P>guess your W, hasn't changed lately in any way.<P>how are you holding out?<P>I am about to lose it here.<BR> <BR>

Thank you both for asking about me. I haven't been posting much lately, partly because there isn't much new, and also because I've been really busy with work. I do read the other posts and see how others are doing.<P>My wife continues to tell little lies, continues to always give me the kids one day early, under the "illusion" that she really needs to work. I think it is more a case of wanting the last night free before they come to my place, then she avoids the morning rat race to get my son off to school and daughter to her playgroup. I'm more than happy to do that, and my bosses are flexible with me, so I'm lucky there.<P>Valentines day she said "aren't you doing something tonight, it is Valentines day". (hint hint, do you have someone?). I said no, and she wondered if I want to come by her place to watch "temptation island" with her and her friends. Told me "the one you don't like" isn't coming (that is OM). I declined. Not into spending time with her "new friends".<P>She called me last night to see if I wanted to have dinner with her and the kids at a restaurant, but I was at work and didn't get the message till later.<P>I'm in a rather strange calm state over this thing. Have to reorganize mortgage, loans, etc., and it will be touchy, so I'm procrastinating. I wonder what is better. Sell the house (buy another) to get the equity and be comfortable, or hang on and budget real tight, so the kids don't lose their "home".<P>Oh, last week, my 5 year old son's friend (she is 6) asked if he'd come over Wednesday. I told him he'd be at moms place, and he repeated it to her. She went on a rampage..."is your mom DIVORCED?". Are YOUR parents DIVORCED?"...BLA BLA BLA. My son doesn't know the word. He said "my Mom has a place". I told her we aren't, she just lives in another place for now. Anyway, my heart nearly fell out at the sight of my son being so uninformed about those adult things, and saying "my mom has a place", as though it was normal. His friend has older sisters, and of course half of their friends parents are divorced.<P>Anyway, I don't know what else to say. Oh, one thing that happens is whenever my kids go to my wife's place, and I call them, my son always says "how many days till I come back?" It makes me feel good, yet hurts too because of what he must feel. They never ask my wife this question. They also continue to tell her in my presence that they don't want to go to her place.<P>Bitsy - what happened to you the other day (getting mad) is completely normal. Can't avoid that happening every so often.<P>sing - sorry to hear you are about to lose it. Hang in there.

Rick, glad to hear from you. Also glad for the state of calm that you've been feeling. I've also been feeling rather calm & actually happy (most of the time!).<P>Your poor son! It must have been crushing to listen to his friend say all those things to him! But it is very obvious that you are the parent they feel most comfortable and I think that really says alot because I think in most cases, it's the Mother that children (especially as young as yours) want to be with. You are doing a wonderful job with them. Keep posting, we miss you when we think you're not around!!!

She wanted you to come over to watch Temptation Island?? On Valentine's Day? What nerve! What.. what.. sheesh...I'm speechless!

Funny that a soon after writing in this post, I talked to my wife, and tells me that she wants to go this week and get a formal separation agreement done. It is actually better that we do, and early on it was me that said if we are separated, we should have one. She didn't want to. Now she does, but just hearing it kind of gets to me.<P>It is also rather ironic that I was talking to her, and she wondered what I do with my time when I don't have the kids. I just said I spend time with friends, and keep busy. She said "oh good, you have some friends now". I've always had close friends, but rather stable ones. She has this new group of single, separated, and divorced friends, and is not in contact with any of her old good friends that she dumped last year. She seems to compare numbers and figures I don't have enough friends. I would say I just have good ones. But nevertheless, I told her that I do things with some new friends from work.<P>2 minutes after that conversation is when she called back to say we should go get the agreement done, and she said it is partly because she doesn't trust me since last year I had a paper drawn up when I gave her a downpayment for her house. What a crime that was.<P>Oh well, another day, another silly conversation.

Alberta,<P>Yes, I thought of that too. Funny thing is that the first night this was on, she said how ridiculous it was. Then all of a sudden, a few weeks later she tells me that she loves it, and always has friends over to watch it. Figures, this same bunch of idiots that support everything she does, also join her in watching this crap. How my wife has changed.

She doesn't trust YOU????!!!! What is that? Oh Rick, I can't believe the things they say & think. I mean how do they function in the rest of their lives, work, etc., when everything they think is so, there's no other word for it . . .STUPID!<P>It's also very sweet of her to be concerned about the number of friends you have and what you do when you don't have the kids. I guess she's feeling sorry for you. I get that too sometimes, he took me one night to see his band. . when he asked me I said ok, if you want me to, but I don't want it to be cuz you feel bad for me. Later I found out he told someone that he didn't want me to be alone that night w/nothing to do!!! I was furious (sp). And I told him about it, nicely. I said, I don't need your pity, if you want to be with me, I want you too, but I don't want it to be because you think I have no life w/out you. If I would have wanted to do something that night I would have found something to do. Jeez-how pitiful do you think I am???<P>You seem to have moved to a new "level" with this lately?? Am I correct? Like you've let it go more or something? I don't mean your love for her (I don't know about that), I just mean about the situation. You seem to feel a little less affected by it.<P>I'm kinda sucking right now, I'm getting ready to post about our last phone conversation, so check it out ok? Take care!<BR>

Regarding your perception that I've moved to a new "level", I'd say you are right. I don't know what to call it, but I just think that I can't change it (directly), and knowing my wife, the only way this could result in a new US is for me to "let her go" and have my own life. She needs to see me in a new light. Her view of OM and her "new friends" is that they are all fun. Her view of me is that I'm not. OK, so I've been working hard to pay for our big house, saving for retirement, saving for paying kids university, and paying for all the extras she wanted for our house, etc. Raising 2 children and making sure I was home every night at 5 PM to be with them till they go to bed. I can't be single OM with no responsibilities. Anyway, I'm rambling.<P>But I think that I need to focus on my own life and let her have hers. How long can I continue to want to reconcile, I don't know. Can't focus on that either.

Aw Rick-I think you're doing great! And the spot that you're at right now is good! I'm kinda there too, I am actually happy most of the time-even with all this crap going on. I'm just happy with me, and I don't think I've ever felt like this before in my life.<P>You're right, you can't change the situation, the only thing you can change is your attitude about it. And I think you're doing that. Good. As far as you not being fun just remember she's looking thru some pretty funky glasses right now.<P>And I'm glad to know that I've supported you in any way, it can't pay back what you did for me when I first came to MB. Thanks.<P>I think you're a great Dad, and your kids are lucky to have you, so is your W. Maybe someday she'll realize how great you are to be the grownup, while she's taking her trip back to high school. Be good to you.