Well today was good. My first whole day as a single guy again. Yesterday afternoon, I went out to lunch at an Indian restaurant (EX hated Indian food) and went to take a look at a new car I had my eye on. '98 Mustang convertible...low miles, nice! I saw it advertised on the internet at a price that was too good to be true.<P>The guy was really selling me hard on the car, and ran through the whole routine. Then he made an offer that was about 3500 more than the internet price I had seen. When I pointed that out to him, his jaw dropped, he ran to check it out, and returned a short time later with a disgusted look on his face. Turns out the internet price was a mistake, but they had to honor it! So I bought the car at a trade-in price!<P>I knew my EX would be jealous. She knew I was looking at it before the divorce, and it was her favorite color...maybe that's why I bought it. Anyway, I went over to drop off D at her apt. She came out to look at the car, but there was no jealousy to be seen. She looked terribly sad. She could barely keep from crying.<P>Now, I've felt pretty good since the divorce hearing. Relief, resignation, and a little hope mostly. It was like I had set aside a great burden. For her, it was different. She spent yesterday changing her license, SS# and accounts back to her old name, changed her will, etc. When she got home, the reality of what she had done must have hit. She was suddenly miserable. Apparently OM called, and she yelled at him! Told him he was the last person she needed to talk to! She didn't sleep much, and had a terrible time at work today.<P>She told me she feels like she's thrown away her life. Given up her husband, her house, her dreams, and such. She felt like she was right back to where she was when we met...alone, living paycheck to paycheck, with no future. I mostly just listened, held her, and told her that the pain would go away eventually. <P>Now is this reaction normal? I'll post this over on D/D as well. Is this just temporary grief at the death of the marriage, or did she realize that she made a mistake?<BR>

wow!! Sounds like everything hit her yesterday. . too bad it had to take D to make her realize it.<P>It also sounds like you're feeling ok (sweet deal w/the car!). It seems like you've just had a big burden lifted off of you.<P>What do you want to do? Are you going to continue Plan A for a while & give this time to sink in to her and see what happens?<P>Good luck. . and keep posting here, let us know.

Cjack,<P>I hate to use this blunt of words but I can't think of a gentler way to put it. You're now divorced, be the best you that you possibly can (for yourself) and try not to worry about her reaction. We've commented on one another's posts for quite a while and I know your story. You've far exceeded anyone's expectations in the areas of fairness, kindness, fortitude and understanding in handling this situation. The game is over, there are no winners. Her journey of self-realization or lack there of is not an issue that needs to even be on your radarscope. I realize this form of relationship is all new to you but it's time to let her feelings, emotions, situation and problems become part of your past and not your present. If she ever does change to such a degree that you could have a future with her, then she'll find you. <P>I'm sorry for the pessimistic tone of this post, but I'd hate to think that all the good that life has to offer could be passing you by while you're looking back at her reaction to her situation.<P>No doubt, It takes time to learn and understand who the new you is and will be. I always considered the first couple of years after a divorce to be somewhat like an adult version of going to college. A time to try on different life styles to see how they fit. I'd put money on the fact that there are a least 1/2 honorable women that have been watching your situation thinking "what a fool you wife must be & if he ever leaves her". I use the term honorable because these are the ones who did not interfere with your reconciliation attempts by showing any interest. Look around, not too many honorable and trustworthy men in our age bracket and the path you have chosen was quite noble. <P>My comments are probably against the common theme of these boards to wait some period of time before dating. As long as you can continue to be honest and noble in how you conduct your life then go have fun and start to enjoy yourself. You deserve it and someone else deserves to be around you.<P>I should also say to take my post with a grain of salt. I have never been divorced but I base my opinions on having watched several friends and co-workers live through it. The folks that seem to do the best adopt an attitude that the divorce was not the end of a life but the beginning of a new one. The questions of "what will I do & where will I go" can either be scary or a tremendous opportunity. I hope you make the best of it.<P>BTW - Killer deal on a great car. I have a 99 covt GT. Some of the most fun you can have with your pants on. I'm sure you will get lots of enjoyment from driving it. Those kind of cars are one of the few adult toys that you can enjoy every day (at least in FLA).<P>May God go with you and you find happiness in each one of your days.<P>Mike<BR>

Bitsy: I don't know what I'll do at this point. I have a feeling she'll begin to feel better about things in a few days. She indicated that next month she's going on vacation...I'm guessing she's going to Vegas. Each time she sees him she comes back a different person, so that should be the final nail in the coffin. <P>I'll just keep on my course of putting my life back together. I was in limbo until Thursday, now its like I've stepped through a door to another world.<P>Mike: I think you hit a few nails on the head! Not too pessimistic, either. I think she needs more time than I will to come to grips with this situation. She has to deal with the fact that SHE is the destructive one, and maybe the guilt is just too much right now. As I said above, that is likely to change.<P>As for dating other women...well, I've decided to give that a rest for a while. I tried to date someone a few months back, but it didn't work out. My divorced friends wanted to take me out looking for women the day afer the D! I declined. I need time to figure out who I am by myself first. If one of those honorable women came along at this point, I'd probably screw it up somehow...I'm pretty frazzled emotionally at this point.<P>But you know, for today, its sunny and warm, I've got a convertible and a three day weekend with nothing to do!

Hi Cjack,<P> Sounds to me like W is homesick, but that is just my opinion. Maybe she expected you to be depressed when you dropped off D, but instead had a new "single person" car. Keep up the good spirits. At least around her.<P> Have some fun!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Deb

Cjack,<P>Congrats on the car!! If I still wasn't married I would ask you to give me a spin. Keep your head up you did the best you could with your marriage and you can hold your head high honorably. You will and have come further than your W and you are a much bigger man than OM!!

There is a lot to discover about yourself, and finding that you like yourself without being married is going to make you a better mate for someone (even the Ex, perhaps) in the future.<P>Good Luck, cjack!<P>HiInfidelity,<P>When divorce is FORCED upon you, it is definitely an ending ... and as any ending, must be properly grieved for and mourned. It is like a death, only without the clear closure. I hope you never have to experience it. But I believe that people are RIGHT to wait a bit before becoming one of the "single" crowd again - once we all figure out who we are by ourselves, and enjoy just being ourselves, then I think we might be ready to move on to a new relationship. Moving on doesn't mean moving on to a new relationship - it simply means doing what you need to do to recover and start anew. And that will be different for everyone, but I do feel that jumping into a new relationship is not the best thing.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Deb: She definitely IS homesick! She said she was looking at new sheets, and she had fell in love with a set that would match the border in our bedroom...then she realized she would never live there again. My spirits, on the other hand, are getting better with each passing day!<P>Trs: Thanks, I gave my D a ride in the car yesterday...she's the only girl who'll get to ride in it for awhile!<P>Terri: I think I need to find that guy I lost 6 years ago, when I committed to my now Ex-wife. Your response to Mike made me think a bit. Neither of us got what we were expecting from the divorce. I looked at it as some sort of doomsday. It has actually been not too bad. I'm looking forward now, rather than back. X, on the other hand, saw the divorce as the first step towards her new, free, single life. Now she's depressed, fraught with guilt and shame, and spending sleepless nights wondering what she was thinking.<P>I guess that old saying is true: Be careful what you wish for...