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I haven't posted here in a long time; mainly I post on the Women's Bible Study. Some of you may remember me, I have been a poster for over 2 years. I pray that my testimony will help you to not give up on your marriage, though it may seem hopeless and beyond repair. The Lord Jesus Christ is truly the maker of miracles. My marriage is living proof of that.<P>For a little background on my situation for most of the 18 years we have been together, our marriage has been very rocky, with several separations. Two years ago we came close to the end of our marriage, went through divorce court and separation. My husband is an alcoholic, was drinking very heavily at the time, was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive for a long time, and was involved in an affair. Two years ago this man said he hated me, couldn't stand to be near me, and wanted a divorce. I thought our marriage was over, until the Lord spoke to the heart of my unbelieving husband.<P>I want to share with you the wonderful things God is doing. For the last year He has impressed upon my heart to become a more Godly wife, showing me that even though my husband is not living for Christ I must be obedient to the Word and be in submission to him, and that it is not my place to speak of the Lord to him, as he will be "won without a word". <P>Although my husband is not saved yet, the Lord speaks to him and is moving in a great way. Jan. 26 was our wedding anniversary. Every year I get my hopes up that my husband will remember, and at least come home sober. Every year (except the few years he was sober) my hopes are dashed and my heart broken. This year I "felt" something was different, maybe it was me. I wasn't feeling expectant this time, just peaceful that day. I had prayed a few days before that the Lord would bring our anniversary to my husband's mind and that he would remember. I gave my dh his card that morning and he really liked it. I didn't give him his gift then because I wanted to do that after dinner. The Lord was working and speaking to my husband I am sure. He remembered it was our anniversary! And, he asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I had planned to cook something special so I mentioned that and we decided to stay home. <P>That evening as I left work I prayed that the Lord would send him home sober. When I got home from work MY HUSBAND WAS ALREADY HOME. This was a big thing to me because it was a Friday night and he always hangs around with his coworkers and drinks beer on Friday nights. He was in the barn when I got home and came in when I arrived. He asked me "did I want to open my present now". As he handed me a little black box I could not keep from crying. You see, he <B>NEVER</B> gets me anniversary gifts, only once in a while a card. <B>When I opened the box, I knew it was the Lord who had reminded him of our anniversary because in that box was a beautiful gold cross pendant necklace.</B> I haven't taken it off yet! And, he got me a card; a beautiful card that said how very much he loved me, his wife, his true love, and special friend. I was so touched!!! It is so true that <B>the Lord will do abundantly and exceedingly more than we can imagine.</B> That day did so much to strengthen my faith in Him. P.S.... He really liked what I got him too. <P>That is not all..... last weekend was my birthday. Again the Lord spoke to my husband's heart and he was sober. Sat. morning I overheard my h tell his co-worker that he was spending the day with me because it was my birthday. I was thrilled that he remembered..... as I had not mentioned it to him. That night he took me and our son out to dinner and to a movie that I wanted to see. The movie I chose was "Left Behind". My son wanted to see the Hannibal movie but my husband told him we were going to see the movie I wanted to see since it was my birthday. <P>I believe the Lord spoke to my husband's heart and changed his heart. Two years ago he would have made fun of the movie I had chosen and we would have gone to the one my son wanted to go to. So we went to Left Behind, and they both were absorbed in the movie. PTL! It was definitely a movie that an unbeliever needed to see.<P>Next, Valentine's Day comes. In the past this was also day that usually ended up like my anniversary - with me in tears and brokenhearted. What God can do in an unbeliever's heart is TRULY AMAZING.... In the past 18 years I can count on one hand the number of times my husband did anything for me for V-day. This year he made up for all of the ones he "forgot", didn't come home for, or was too drunk to do anything. When I got home from work I was absolutely SHOCKED when I came in the door and saw a huge bouquet of beautiful yellow roses on our dining room table. The card attached was in my husband's writing (something he never does), <I>"to my little sugar plum, Happy Valentines, I love you VERY MUCH".</I> I was so touched, the tears of joy wouldn't stop. <P>God is a miracle maker. There is no explaining the complete 180 degree changes in my husband except that <B>the Lord did it.</B> I have been praying the the Lord change my husband's heart (Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the LORD; he turns it wherever he pleases). Along with speaking to my husband's heart, He has been changing my heart and attitude, helping me to have a quiet and gentle spirit. <P>I am so glad I listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit and not the world two years ago when my husband asked to come home. There is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD, not even changing the heart of an unbeliever. I pray that He works a miracle in your life and marriage too.

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Dear Alcoholic's Wife,<BR>Thank you so much for your post. Although our beliefs are somewhat difference, my connection to God is what sustains me (though I had a definate crisis of faith when this first started, which I won't go into here). My husband and I were together for 18 and 1/2 years before he left me for the OW at the beginning of Dec. 2000. He had been a sober alcoholic for almost the past 10 years. He had several relapses that I was aware of but other than that denies drinking, or at least drinking heavily, though his behavior changed back to the person he was when he was drinking: suspicious, angry, verbally abusive, as well as pushing me around. He became enraged if I suggested that he might be drinking excessively or using drugs though there have been many rumors floating around our small town. He told me that the OW doesn't drink or use drugs, but people who know her just laugh when I tell them this. <P>Currently he is very angry at me (though he has said that he will always love me) and blames me for all the problems in our marriage. He avoids me, the kids, and his family, as well as the business we started and run together. I am doing Plan B since I could no longer handle the rollercoaster ride.<P>Your story gave me some hope. I just need to let him go - "Let go and let God" - and pray for him. I don't expect him to come out of the fog anytime soon. But the longer it goes the more it scares me that all hope is gone. Your story proves that this is not necessarily true. I am heading out right now for an Alanon meeting, the first in a while. Thanks again.

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LetsTry - it sounds like you're at the place I was at two years ago. I guess I went about it kind of backwards, Plan B right off the bat, then to Plan A + Prayer after he wanted to try again. What you said could have been my words 2 years ago:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Currently he is very angry at me (though he has said that he will always love me) and blames me for all the problems in our marriage. He avoids me, the kids, and his family<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>My husband also left for the OW, who drank right along with him. Before he left, it seemed he was never home, was angry when he was, belittled me, verbally attacked me and hit me when he was drunk. Blamed me for every problem in our marriage. Yes, at that time I was a contentious wife. I yelled right back at him, and didn't treat him the way Jesus would want me to treat him. <P>Once he was gone, even though I didn't realize it, I had given him over to God. I didn't pray for him except when my son and I prayed together, I would say "Lord please take care of son's dad". During our separation my H was living quite the wild life, and his OW divorced her H for mine. <P>One night when my H brought our son home from a visitation, he had a "sudden" change of heart and to speak to me. Up to that point we had no contact. To this day he will say that he didn't know what came over him to change his mind as he was adamant that our marriage was over and we would be divorced. But, I know different. The Lord Jesus Christ got ahold of his heart and TOLD him to "go home". <P>There is hope LetsTry. Never give up hoping in God. Pray for your husband, but most of all pray for yourself and His guidance in your life. Remember What God has joined together, let no man separate. It is the will of God that marriages are restored. Your H will tire soon of this season of sin, and it will repulse him. Today, my h is disgusted with himself for his affair and what we went through. <P>Please let me pray for you and your husband. Father, I thank You for giving me an opportunity to pray for LetsTry and her husband. Lord, You know their situation, and only You can heal and repair what Satan has attempted to destroy. Lord, I ask in Jesus' name for Your protection for LetsTry and her husband, and that a thick hedge of protection is placed around them, a hedge so thick that the enemy cannot penetrate. Lord, I pray that the plans of the enemy are revealed and destroyed. Father, forgive LetsTry's husband, and bring him to an amazing revelation of the Truth. Lord, I ask that his heart of stone be transformed into a soft heart of flesh, and that You will turn his heart first to You, and then to his wife, the wife of his youth. Lord, You were a witness to the covenant made in marriage between LetsTry and her husband at their marriage. Father, I pray that You will remind LetsTry's husband of that covenant he made before You. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray and ask these things, AMEN.

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Alcoholic's Wife,<P>Thank you very much for sharing this beautiful story. Although my marriage is over and we are going to divorce still your story made me happy and smile.<BR>Although I'm not a church goer but I pray every night and now I'm trying to forgive my stbx and ow. I'm at peace now. I believe God will work on in each one's best way.<P>Thanks againg for your story. You've given so many hopes to people who are still struggling.<P>Meg<BR>

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AW!!! OH MY GOSH! This is such a wonderful story! <P>You had to go and make me cry when I have been having so much fun being catty and mean over in the recovery forum... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>This makes me so happy. I think of you often and have prayed for you. I praise the Lord for what He is doing in your life. I will keep praying for that H of yours. You are a wonderful woman and he is blessed beyond belief to have you as his wife. I bet it felt really good to him to see you HAPPY because of how wonderful he can be. Sometimes, like children, they need that reinforcement so much. Yea yea yea for you!!! Keep us posted on the developments.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Alcoholic's Wife:<BR><B>God is a miracle maker. There is no explaining the complete 180 degree changes in my husband except that the Lord did it.</B> I have been praying the the Lord change my husband's heart (Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the LORD; he turns it wherever he pleases). Along with speaking to my husband's heart, He has been changing my heart and attitude, helping me to have a quiet and gentle spirit. <P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That is a truly wonderful story! I haven't followed your story, but from what I read above, it sounds like your H is headed towards a turnaround. <P>One thing I would like to say, though: Don't forget to give yourself some credit for this. If you were not so patient, so committed, and so sure your H would come around, these few happy times never would have happened. I think that, rather than changing his his heart, God simply turned him around and opened his eyes. <P>Pat yourself on the back...you did your fair share of the work. When your H had his eyes opened, he saw someone worth saving himself for!<BR>

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AW,<BR>You make my heart glad [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

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Congratulations...to you and to your husband! Your story is proof of what I read in Fresh Faith just the other day....our prayers don't rise up into heaven and evaporate, they collect in God's presence.<P>Keep your eyes on Him and He will continue to direct your path.<P><P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

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Dear Alcoholics Wife,<P> I am following the same principles you are,being submissive,praying for husbands salvation,praying for a hedge of protection,currently spouse is living with OP for several months.The wall of anger is coming down currently.<P> I have clues that spouse and OP are attending church.How could OP steal my spouse from me,knowing that I was married,live in adultery,and then go to church!!!!!!!<P> Spouse wants divorce,only issue we are fighting about is alimony.I tried to dissmiss my attorney,but I am weak, and attorney did not have to do alot of talking to convince me to protect myself. <BR> You were seperated,what lead him to come back?

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AW, it did my heart good to read your post! <P><p>[This message has been edited by walkinsunshine (edited March 21, 2001).]

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<small>[ June 02, 2004, 11:35 PM: Message edited by: skye ]</small>

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I'm so glad that my post brought some hope. I felt that the Lord was telling me it was time to share my testimony as last Sun. in church I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit and immediately knew I had to post it here. Please know that I pray for all of you, and that the Lord DOES hear our prayers and He is so concerned about us and our marriages.<P>Meg - it's great when the Lord gives us His peace isn't it. Forgiveness is the key. I had a hard time when my h first moved home forgiving him, I felt he "owed" me for all the damage he had done in the past. Once I forgave him it was like a ton of bricks was lifted off my chest. But the biggest release of the pain came after I forgave the OW. <P>Dead Inside - I didn't mean to make you cry!!! Thank you so much for your prayers! How are you doing? I guess I've got some reading to do..... God bless you dear sister!!!<P>cjack - Thank you for your very kind words. Committed - yes, patient - no..... and I believe you are right, God opened my husband's eyes and heart after he opened mine and made me see the log in my eye. He still has a lot of work to do in me, though. Believe me there were many times I asked God why, why, why and doubted that He was doing anything. Yet there was always the conviction in my heart that God wanted me in my husband's life. Its been a long rough road and I praise God that He has been so kind to me and given me a glimpse of what He is doing in my husband. <P>Lor - YOU make my heart glad!!!! God bless you and Guard! May He give you the deepest desires of your heart for your faithfulness.<P>HGBrawner - your posts always give me so much encouragement, they are full of the wisdom of God. Thank you for your message to me. I love this thought "our prayers don't rise up into heaven and evaporate, they collect in God's presence." I'm going to add this to my collection of verses and sayings I carry in my purse! <P>Betrayed spouse - I am so sorry you're going through the nightmare. I just don't think there is any pain that can be worse. Keep doing what you're doing - God will reward you for your obedience to Him and your faithfulness. In answer to your question about what lead my H to come back.... I truly believe it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit. For about 2 weeks before he "suddenly" changed his mind, my H was going downhill fast, drinking constantly, saying that life wasn't worth it any more, etc. After he moved home I asked him why he wanted to come back. He said he didn't know, he just felt a strong urge to try and work things out. That, to me, says God spoke to his heart and told him to go home. There is TREMENDOUS power in prayer. Keep praying without ceasing.<P>walkinsunshine - You are not the only one with this problem that is for sure. I can certainly understand what you're going through and the heartache and pain you're feeling. The only thing that has kept me from buckling under and giving up is the Lord. Life with an alcoholic can be a horrible nightmare. <P>Praise the Lord that your husband is going to church with you!!! Mine has not gone with me since last Mother's Day, but the Lord is working on that. My husband also still drinks about a 12 pack or more a day. However, what God has done has changed my attitude about my husband's drinking. Yes I still don't like it and pray daily for his deliverance from alcoholism, but He keeps a guard on my mouth so I don't say anything to my h about it. This is a big change for me. I know that my h is in God's hands, and He has everything under control. It has taken me a LONG time to realize my husband's drinking problem is HIS problem, not mine, and it is not my fault. I pray the Lord grows those seeds sown in your husband! Please, feel free to email me anytime at jlsheph@attglobal.net. <P>Dear skye, please don't be discouraged.... that is exactly what the enemy wants you to feel. Standing for marriage restoration is probably about the hardest thing to do.... especially when the world looks at you like you've lost your mind! I want to share with you a book that has helped me tremendously - "Scripture Keys for Kingdom Living" by June Newman Davis. In this book she outlines how to pray the Word over your loved ones, and gives specific scripture of what to pray for certain things. I've been praying certain scripture over my husband and have seen dramatic changes. The Lord's Word will not return void. She says to pray it 3 ways: once to yourself prefaced with "I believe", once to God thanking Him for the promise, and once towards Satan prefaced with "It is written". <P>It has been two long years of me biting my tongue and silently praying while my husband continued in his selfish ways, and me praying hard and crying out to God to please help me, guide me, keep me sane and <I>turn my husband's heart</I>. I guess the Lord wants to work in me first and prepare me to be the wife He wants me to be before he transforms my husband. Please, feel free to email me skye at jlsheph@attglobal.net. I hope I can be of help and encouragement to you. May the Lord bless you abundantly!<P>AW <P><B><I>Galatians 6:9 - And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.</B></I><p>[This message has been edited by Alcoholic's Wife (edited February 17, 2001).]

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Alcoholic's Wife,<BR> PRAISE GOD!! Thanks for the awesome story!! I too have (finally) some news of God's power over satan. (read my post) My W and I divorced AND she MARRIED OM (obviously not God's plan) and now, only 7 months later God has touched her heart and she wants her family back. <BR> All I did was give her to the lord and asked if it was his will that he let her see what she has done and to heal her. AND HE DID MORE THAN I ASKED!!<BR> I had God working in me as well and he lead me to start teaching bible study to 5-6 year olds at my church. I started by filling in until the could find teacher, now, they couldn't DRAG me away!! Those kids kept me going with love from above through all this (love comes from the most unexpected places!!) and although I missed the love from my W, he filled my heart. PRAISE GOD AND KEEP THE FAITH ALL!! IF IT'S HIS WILL NOTHING WILL STOP IT!! GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

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<small>[ June 02, 2004, 01:57 AM: Message edited by: skye ]</small>

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Dear Alcholic's Wife,<BR>Thanks so much for your thoughtful and wise response. Your prayer for me and my H brought tears to my eyes. What a gift you have been given and your willingness to share it is the true expression of God's love.

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Thanks so much for sharing your story, AW. It's wonderful!! Our spouses will be healed in HIS time, not ours. The hardest thing for me to do was relinquish control of the situation, and turn it over to HIM. Since I am a 'resuer' type of person, I have been wearing myself out trying to do HIS work. When I finally surrendered, it was like this huge, heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew that everything would be okay. The book that really helped me with this is called "The 12-Step Guide for Codependants" by Melodie Beatty.<P>I'm so happy for you. Keep up the good work!

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Alco wife,<P>Praise God for your story. Thanks you for being obedient to <BR>God's word ans allowing Him to use you to speak to us.<P>I do hope this shows all of you that God is NOT afraid of our Divorces. Divorce is not an end. Nothing is impossible for God, it doesn't matter how many twist and turns are in your situation. God can and will straighten it out as long as we seek Him in everything. There is always hope.<P>Praise HIM in all we do!<P>gentle

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Dear AW,<P>I just read through the replys on this post.<P>My heart is so heavy. Your story is beautiful and God touched.<P>I would sincerely appreciate your e-mail address.<P>I would like to tell you more in depth about my story. You are in an inspriation.<P>Let me just say this for now: Affair is one year old and there is no final divorce. Communication is minimal; but I want to try open them more--am afraid of rejection and anger but I want to believe I will have done all I can..<BR>if it comes to an end.<P>I have kept my faith, I have hope ( even in light of hopelessness) and I have not withheld telling him how I feel about him and our marriage--no matter what he has done. I know he has done it all in the fog...<P>Looking forward to your reply and e-mail add. would mean a lot to me. thanks, elo

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I read this post as I too am an alcoholic's wife. The affair is over. My h found a wonderful Christian counselor who helped him come out of that mess. I thought at the time that was our biggest problem but it was just the tip of the iceberg.<P>I too am a Christian and ashamed to say that I have been so angry at God lately. I was loyal to my h during a 17 1/2 terrible marriage. My h was/is a momma's boy. I thought when she died we would finally be able to have a marriage but instead he had an affair. So much has happened and we're both so hurt that this marriage is going downhill very quickly. I am so angry. I did as God tells a wife to do and got an affair in the process. I was submissive, said nothing when he went where and when he wanted to go, put his and our daughter's concerns first in my life, let his mother said and do what she wanted, and then I got this mess. I'm sorry but can you understand my anger?<P>Now my h goes to a counselor and tells him how horrible I am. I've endured drunkedness, disrespect, and his hands on another woman. I think I'm entitled to some righteous anger. I think I should be treated with respect for being as patient and understanding as I have but there's a limit.<P>I have a terrible disease that is so rare that no little research is done on it. I could end up blind and deaf along with a host of other horrible things. I told my h my fears of us divorcing as it would put a burden on our daughter. He told the counselor I only stayed with him for money. He then had the audacity to say to me "Can't you find someone to take care of you?" My response was "Yes, your off the hook."<P>My behavior has not been Christ like lately. I am just so angry and I know that I should not let the sun go down on my anger but how can I do that? I am tired, I feel bad, and he wants to "talk" which means let's run down the list of the bad things I've done. I blow up and then that's his excuse to drink. I determined Friday night that he would not lure me into that trap again and asked him for us to not discuss the situation as I felt bad, but that meant nothing to him. The list started. <P>I'm sorry to ramble but all my friends have abandoned me and I don't blame them. I have no one to talk to. His counselor told me today that I can't talk to him anymore either as my h asked him not to. <P>Please pray for my daugher, my husband and me.

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gentle, you are so right, <B>There is always hope</B>! Thank you for your kind words. I believe in God's word, and His promises, and even though things look bleak and at times hopeless, I KNOW that He is in control and will work everything out for my good. He loves us all so much.<P>elo, I am so sorry you're going through such a rough time. I will be praying for you. Here is my email address: jlsheph@attglobal.net<P>God Bless you!

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