ok, i haven't post in a long while due to everything that has been going on. last weekend my h mother and stepdad came into town, they are buying a house here to be near me and the kids. anyway, inlaws know that the kids do not want to be around ow so they where planing on the kids spending a night with them over the weekend. they picked up the kids and everything then about 5 the night i got a collect call from h in jail. he must of called me 70 times while he was in there over night. supposely ow was mad cause he was going to spend the evening with his kids and mother and she couldn't go, they got into an awful fight and she put him in jail and then had his truck towed so he couldn't get it. he was real sweet on the phone saying things like he should of listen to me a year ago and what a mess of his life he has mad and stuff like that. i didn't say i told you so just listen to him. anyway according to his mother that all they do since he went back to her in sept is argue everyday and fight were she wants him to hit her. he wasn't this kind of person when he was with me or even when he is around me. there's so much to tell. but so little time. he is staying in his mon's rv till she comes down. and the ow had nerve to call me after it happen and threaten me. i had nothing to do with anything that had happen. i have been doing plan b and he was only seeing the kids maybe 2 times a month if that. his mom said that she would always pick a fight with him to stop him from seeing his kids, she says she is very phycotic and now his mom is the enemy to her, anyone been in this kind of situation? she is very mental and hang with the wrong type of people, bad, drug user and people who could take you out in a minute.i can't believe he would put me and the kids in this kind of situation. he did tell me that i did't know how much it meant to him just me being there and kept on saying it. through out all of this if you have read some of my posts he's been showing signs of coming off the fence. should i hang in there a little while longer? i truly do love him, and this is suchs a switch that she was actually the one who through him in jail, any advice

Yes!!! Hang in there. You are doing great and she is screwing up big time!!! If you do happen to see him, continue to be friendly and even a little sympathetic..But NEVER say I told you so. He's getting the message loud and clear!<BR>T

Hi, hrtbroken. Sorry about what is going on, what a mess.<P>I would seriously advise you to make sure whoever calls your house is picked up by an answering machine. If it's her and she leaves a threatening message, you can take it to police and have her arrested or warned that she will be taken down if she ever makes threats again. My brother's fiancee went ballistic one evening and she was phoning our house and finally made a threat toward us (all he did was come home late from work), and she ended up in jail and left us completely alone afterward. Please make sure you and those kids are safe, at all costs. <P>Before reconciling with H, I would <I>certainly</I> make sure the crazy OW is out of the picture before doing so. She sounds as if she is going to create more problems for your family (from what you've said) and if she finds out that you and he are going to try and get back together, I can only imagine what she will do. Make you and those kids #1 priority. Take care.

i agreed she is totally one of those fatal attractions. but the funny thing is that all i had to do these past 5 months and watch her hang her own neck. mother in-law had said all she kept on saying was to h your are going back to darleen and picking fights with him. even got mad at mother in-law cause she had told her that they where going to get me and the kids a house. h mom said that those are her grandchildren and that they loved me and that they would try there hardest to do whatever they could for us and when they weren't around h heard it, they are only buying a house so you and her can get back together, h said to his mom that he has no life all he does is work and has to come straight home. some life, the grass sure wasn't greener this time around. i am hanging in there, i never intend to give up. i can see the person he was inside him when he does see the kids, i also remember the last time he took the kids somewhere and he told my daughter that that song without you by the dixie chics reminds him of me and not to tell me, ya he new she would. i smile when i hear that song instead of crying like i used to. i hope this is the last straw in this mess, but i'm glad that her world is crashing like she crashed mine and my childrens. i know this is mean but when i heard the message from the jail with the collect call and his voice inside me was jumping up and down for joy cause his fantasy world was finally coming down, that saying is true, what comes around goes around. i will never tell him that i told you so, he figured it out on his own. at least he is away from her and staying in his mom's rv till she comes here on april 2, that's all i ever wanted was for him to be able to be alone, he knows what he needs to do and with her in the picture, it wouldn't happen. like his mom had said she had played him from the beginning, thought she landed a younge stud a new that he was married with 4 small kids, if you don't know, she worked in one of those trashy strip clubs, was the bartender, didn't have to flash her ----- but did anyway and is in her 40's were h is only 26, and looks older than his mother. like people who had been to that club has said she has been worn hard and put up wet. i hope this is my end of the tunnel but it's still too earler to tell. wish me luck, it's been extreemly hard for me and my little ones. thanks for listening.

well got a few updates, his mom called me last night wanted to know if i had heard from h and we talked for 3 hrs. i learned some new things from her. seems that h slept the first 3 days after she put him in jail at his mom's rv, then ow was crying to him and saying how much she loved him and threaten to kill herself. his mom says she knows how to play the games, and he is now seeing her again. i just don't understand, she threw him in jail! his mom has tried to call him on his cell phone and he hasn't return the phone call, his mom said that we are all the enemies to ow. we were just trying to figure out what we could do. she told me that h says he thinks of me a million times a day but me, and the kids deserve better than him and all he deserves is her. she is very crazy, i found out that the police where called out to there house twice before. his mom is afraid that the next time h will go to jail for good for abuse. he hasn't hit her and he never would hurt a fly but she picks fights with him everyday. does anyone have any suggestions for me. his mom says that if anyone can get through to him she thinks it would be me and that kids, but i don't know how. all this time i have been doing the plan b and only talking to him when i had to about the kids. but now i don't even want the kids around any of that, they don't need to be caught in the cross fire and his mom agrees fully. so how can ow be worth his kids?

I honestly don't know what to advise.<P>One suggestion: Keep in your Plan B. Protect yourself & your kids. This OW sounds crazy & unpredictable. No telling what may happen next!<P>Take care!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>does anyone have any suggestions for me.</B><P>I think that in your situation I would definitely be continuing Plan B but maybe also thinking of a way to force his hand while momentum is in your favor, perhaps by filing for divirce or maybe by putting some geography between you and the kids and him by moving away. Rattle that fence. <P>

have another update, spoke to mil again and she said that h finally called her this afternoon, that he was at first kind of funny with her but she did not mention anything regarding ow and he did tell her that he has been working all weekend till about 9 at night. and what he told ow was that they could possible see eachother but he was not moving back in with her. mil wants to try to use reverse physcoligy on him. she said that he knows that i am just waiting here for him and he is not making any decisions, that he needs to get the seed planted in his head what life would be like without his family for good. she thinks that he needs to know that i am going out and meeting new people, not necessary having a boyfriend, but that it could happen. she said that his bond with me and the kids is greater than his with ow. and that he thinks of me a million times a day. is that good advice or what? would it push him farther or would it make him think? at least he is still living in the rv and not with her. i would think that would put a damper on there relationship and also now that she thinks everyone of his friends and family are the enemy. this is like fatal attraction or something. can we help him before something really awful happens to him?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>can we help him before something really awful happens to him?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'll answer again <P>You have a window of opportunity. <P>Your MIL knows her son. He needs to see the train leaving the station before he jumps on. Do something. Have the MIL tell him you are thinking of moving far away. Thinking of joining a dating service. Thinking of having an expensive operation and becoming a man. Something. Get him off the dime. Otherwise your next update will be that he's back with the Ow. He's clearly a weak man, and will fall under her sway unless pushed.<P> <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mike C2 (edited February 19, 2001).]

you're right, through this whole thing i have not put up a very good fight to keep him, when he left i did not bother him, in the begining i let him know that i did love him and wanted him to come home, but that was it. h just called, wanted to know if i needed money and to tell me to have my number change cause him and ow got into a fight and there was no telling what she would do, then wanted to know where i was earlier when he called. told him that i went out to dinner, he wanted to know where and that sort of thing. then told me that his brother was in town and wanted to see the kids and asked when a good time would be since i am such a busy person now. i told him that friday would be good since wed i was going out and thurs i was taking the kids to chuckie cheese for my son's b-day, he asked who was going and i said just me and the kids. he didn't say anything. i wanted so bad to ask him to join us but i didn't and i think he wanted me to. i really think ow is cutting her own neck off and all i can do is be here for him. just talked to mil and she asked how come i don't talk to him when he wants to know what is on my mine and i said that i just couldn't. i didn't tell her about the part b plan. should i be telling him, does this change my situation or should i still be doing the no contact?

NO, you don't tell your H that you are in Plan B...you just do it.<P>If you tell him, then it won't be as effective.<P>p.s. Did you write & send him a Plan B letter before you went into Plan B?<p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited February 20, 2001).]

yes i did but, i actually did it twice due to him coming back home for a short time. and the only time that i do talk to him was only regard to the kids, except for last night which was only for a few minutes and i didn't tell him much and then about month ago when he was asking me a bunch of question about my life and i wouldn't let it go there. but is it a good idea to some how let him know that i am doing things to let him know what it would be like for him to be totally out of the picture? i know last night was about him fishing for info, i know he wanted to ask me if he could go to our son's b-day, but that is the price he will have to play if he continues this. ha has already miss all the kids b-day, christmas, thankgiving and all the other days without his family, but i just know if i should push him like mil and counsilor and people on this board are telling me. like a wake up call

ok now i am having a bad, i've been happy for the last week due to ow hanging her own neck but when i went to pick my kids up from school my daughter gave me her progress report and she got another scholorship warning and everything is hitting me hard. my daughter has been having a problem with all this and her and my son, the 2 that are in school, are in counsiling there cause of this whole mess. i notice her problems right before thanksgiving with finding notes from other kids and her reponsing back. she is only 9 and they were talking real bad language and sex. then the counsilor said that the teachers where worried about her cause all she talked about was boys and sex. she is not the child i new and when this all started cause of what h did i thought she would hate men or she would think she had to go the other way to keep one. i started seeing how she was acting around other men and hanging on them and the counsilor said she was looking for a father figure. she has these abondonment issues too and i just don't know what to do. then when i walked in h called, i was still crying but he didn't notice at first, and was playing around with me when i said what, he said don't say what, what are you doing and laughing then asked me if i had gotting any funny calls from ow and i said no but the number would be change tonight. he notice that i was crying and asked what was wrong then i told him about d, see i usually don't tell him things about what the kids are saying and not having money and that sometimes i don't eat cause i don't have enough...cause i don't want to give him anymore guilt. funny he did this to us and i don't want to hurt him. he said that he would leave work earler on thurs and take her somewheres and talk. told him that i was taking them to chuckie cheese and he said well i don't think that she deserves to go. which he is right but we are going cause it is our son's b-day. then he asked when is it he thought it was next tue, guess he doesn't remember. thenhe asked if he and his bro could go if it wasn't going to cause any problems. i told he could go cause i know my son would love for him to go. then he said he was sorry that things were going wrong around here but that it wasn't roses where he was and that if i needed to talk will i call him, i didn't say anything and he repeated it and all i said was sure. i just don't know what to do, this is killing me, not only what i am going through but the kids. aren't they worth the sacrafice? i jsut want to take my kids away from all of this and start over somewhere far away, he maybe sees them about twice a month anyway. should i just give up and try a make a happy life for my kids? find them a new daddy like they have been asking? my one yr old doesn't even know who he is. please help

please help, i'm so confuse and don't know what to do. is it a good thing that h is going with us to my son't b-day? i know this is weird but when h is around with me and the kids, i feel sort of out of place, like i'm not part of the family, is this normal. i want to give him a good impression. i know that he is not seeing her much, but since he is using her car, she got a car for him in her name and he is suppose to be only using it for a couple of wks, it is still tying him to her. but i do know that with him coming on thur with us, she doesn't know anything about it cause there is no way she would let him go, so he is still living at the rv cause she always keeps tabs on him. he was only aloud to go to work and straight home. please help

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>but i do know that with him coming on thur with us, she doesn't know anything about it cause there is no way she would let him go, so he is still living at the rv cause she always keeps tabs on him. he was only aloud to go to work and straight home. please help</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am sorry for your situation.<P>I snese that the situation is becoming intolerable for you, and you should be in Plan B. If you are in Plan B, you should not be socializing and talking to your H. <P>He is on the fence, and will probably stay there as long as it looks like you are waiting as a safety net. <P>If I were in your place, I would be executing a proper Plan B, with no contact, and applying pressure to him to commit back to the marriage, either by talking about divorce, relocation, or finding another man. This is basically what your MIL is advising, it seems to me.<P>Mike<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>is it a good thing that h is going with us to my son't b-day?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>well......as a parent, I think yes...yes it is...it is good for your son...and he is what should matter on his birthday...have you asked your son how he would feel about this?<P>as for the party itself....look fantastic, be gracious, smile, be bubbly....be everything that you yourself would want to come home to.<P>remember to give your MIL a huge hug for being the great person she is.<P>as for the 'get a boyfriend, etc... plans, well.....be careful...alot of those can backfire on you, and you have a worse mess on your hands, or get the opposite effect of what you wanted...<P><I>but...........</I><P>if you are willing to try a small but forceful gamble, are you in a position where moving away <B>is</B> a possible option..??...not that you <B>would</B> really do it, but <I>could</I> do it...for example, a for sale sign on your front lawn would probably have a huge effect on him..whether good or bad, who can say..but it <I>would</I> rock the boat....<P>or moving closer to MIL instead of them moving closer to you...<P>and if asked any questions by H, you could feel free to <I>nicely and gently</I> tell him that since he cannot end his involvement with a psychopath, and since she will get more dangerous the 'closer' they get and the longer they are together, that you can no longer expose your children to the danger she represents...you can make it plain to him that you fear for their safety...for god's sake even he himself called you to warn you he did not know what she was capable of....he may feel guilt about leaving and the affair...but how much MORE guilt will he feel if this nut actually hurt you, or one of your kids...and tell him about several wives and children that end up hurt or worse.....<P>fatal attraction was a movie....what's unfortunate and frightening is that it ACTUALLY happens..... <P>just my 2 cents<P>Dylan

thanks for all the replies. we did go last night and we had a good time. he brought is brother and his wife who is visiting from boston. he has even said to mil that they needed to get him away from physco. i brought a friend of both of ours so that i wouldn't feel to uncomfortable. he was flirting with me and pushing me into the seat and we played air hockey which i beat his pants off. me and the friend was playing first and he was hanging around then he wanted to play me. i told him about last weekend when i took the kids go cart riding and he said so your never home now, i said that i didn't want to be and he said i can't blame you/ i did make him laugh a couple of times. it was just like old times, then reality set in when we left. they all walked to the car with us and then my 3 yr ols asked him if he was coming home with us and he said no that he was going to grandma's trailer and my son started crying a makeing a seen. when we finally got them all in the car they all started crying and i couldn't take it, they said by and i took off with all of us crying. doesn't that kill them? he also asked if he could get them one day this weekend i told him to call me this weekend cause i was suppose to go away to martigra this weekend, and he just had that look on his face. it hurt so much last that i don't know if me and the kids can go through this.

Well h just called and i didn't answer the phone. he thinks that i am going out of town but i change my mind, i was suppose to go with this guy that i had met but he wants more than i can give. how is that, i have someone who will put me on a pedastal and all i want is my h. but besides the point, i didn't answer cause i wanted his mind to think, is that the right thing to do? i know he was probably calling to see if he could get the kids this weekend while his brother is in town, but part of me believes he called to see if i was gone. i told him last night that i was support to go out of town and he had that look in his eyes that he couldn't believe it. what do you think?

ok i have a few updates, bother inlaw just called to see if i talked to h. it seems h has been going out to have a couple of beers through out the week to think, him and ow are not together any longer but is giving him trouble. anyway bil said he went out last night and has not return, i said maybe he went to ow and he told me no way that she had broke bonds with him that he can not forgive. anyway talked to mil and she told me that ow had called h sometime in the beginning of the week threatening suicide. he went there and found her passed out on the bed with the bottel of pills empty, called 911 and they backer acted her, turns out h found the pills in another bottle hidden under the bed, ha ha, busted. she only took a few. they let her out the next day and that is when a rock went through my front window. according to mil and bil he doesnt' want anything to do with her. so here i am. told mil he had a really great time with me and the kids the other night. and he did try to call me about 3 am this morning. didn't answer. me and mil were talking about his confusion and she said that she believes he will come back home cause this is were he wants to be, but she didn't want to give me some kind of hope just in case but that is what she feels. so, now what do i do?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hrtbroken:<BR><B>so, now what do i do?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You file a police report about the rock, and hopefully they question her. Maybe in light of the phone shenanigans, you get a restraining order against her. Anyway, put it all on record...it will underline the situation to your H and his family, and start a record in case the OW becomes more menacing. <P>I would hope that your H would be seriously upset about someone doing that in a house where his kids are sleeping.<P>As to you, my advice remains the same. Apply some pressure to get a decision and a commitment from him. You can do this by talking about moving far away (especially in light of the attack on your home), or by developing a social life, or by starting some rumblings of divorce proceedings. Now that the Ow has self-destructed, he is sititng there thinking you are his safety valve. Well, as long as you are, the status quo will remain the same, at least until he meets someone else or the OW weasels her way back into his heart. So, you have a window of opportunity here, use it.<P>Mike<P>