After I gave Plan B letter to my H, I blew it by talking to him immediately afterwards. He expressed remorse about "cheating" on OW because they have a more "honest" relationship than that - yeah, right. He wanted us to be "just friends" and I told him I wasn't interested in that. The worst part was I broke down, cried, and begged him not to think badly of me when he started yelling at me for venting about him and OW to a friend in an e-mail. <P>I wasn't sure how I would get back on track with Plan B, but it hasn't been a problem since he has avoided me for the 2 weeks since. I mailed a copy to OW, per S. Harley's advice, but I don't know if she's received it yet. Yesterday he called work (we own and run a business together, but he hasn't been showing up for more than a few minutes 2-3 times a week) and asked a co-worker to run an errand with him. She couldn't figure out why he'd asked her since the last time they'd talked, he'd been angry at her for sharing things they'd talked about with me. I told her he must want to talk. When she got back, she said he'd spent a long time rehashing his list of complaints about me. She played dumb about Plan B letter so he read it to her, apparently keeps it with him in his car, and asked her why I couldn't have said some of the complementary things before (I wish I had). Then he told her he still loves me, but "there's too much water under the bridge(a favorite line)." She asked him if it was okay to tell me anything they'd talked about and he said, yes, and asked her to tell me that he still loves me. He even called later to make she told me that.<P>He'd also told her that he'd like it if we could be "cordial" at work. He doesn't even want to come around unless he is getting along with me. Co-worker likes it better this way too, but I stood by Plan B and said no, I won't be rude, but I really want no contact. He asked her for some times he could come in that I wouldn't be there. I gave him some, but so far he hasn't been in.<P>Meanwhile, an old friend of his brought his new girlfriend to visit me and spend the night last night enroute to their weekend destination. He called H from my house and H seemed extremely surprised that friend was at my house. As an excuse he told friend, you know we've been fighting for 6 months. We haven't exactly been fighting. He's been verbally abusing me for writing in a journal about an old boyfriend while he's been actively engaged in A with OW. I guess the guilt must be tough.<P>We have some serious financial issues with the business re: his misuse of the corporate account (buying cars, clothes, etc., giving money to OW and her friends). I've been so naive about the money situation, but I now need to take certain steps to protect my interests as well as the business. I want to get my plan organized and run it by Steve H. to avoid too many LBs since no matter how I present it, I think H is going to flip that I even know about what he's been up to and I'm afraid of his temper.

I recommend you talk to a lawyer and a forensic accountant asap about the money situation. I'm sure Steve would agree that you can't leave yourself wide open to legal and financial disaster.

Hi LetSTry,<P> Your Plan B approach sounds good and like Bramblerose said get some legal advice....who knows what in the world this OW is up to?. <P>I was in Plan B and it really turned out to be a good thing.....just remember to be tough (and I know that's hard). Steve H. is a good guide. I think it's a great sign that your H says he loves you ( I never got that) and that he keeps the letter with him. It sounds like you are doing a very good job....LU

BrambleRose and Lu,<BR>Thanks for the support. The financial issues are getting scarier by the day, the more I find out. I discovered this a.m. that we have $80,000 worth of credit card debt. I found out a few days ago my H is trying to buy a house out of the corporate acct. On top of this, my H gets very threatening and verbally abusive when he feels attacked, which I know he will when I do whatever I do to take care of this. In the state of mind I'm in now, anxious and depressed, it's so hard for me to deal with all this stuff.

Hi LetSTry,<P> Have you seen an attorney? PLEASE get there as soon as possible....call today ok? <P>My mother made me go to one and it was the best thing I did. Everything turned out ok, but the attorney told me horror stories. If you are in debt $80,000 get documentation(credit card statements, copies if you have to) ....if he is spending on the OW the attorney can fight for you. Like Bramblerose said, ask the attorney to either do forensic work or refer you to one who can dig deep. Please write back and tell us you have contacted someone, ok? LU

Lu,<BR>Thanks for your concern. Since today is a holiday, I used the time to "shop around" through friends for a good corporate atty. I have a name and will call first thing tomorrow morning. I talked to our bookkeeper today to aprise her of the situation - she kind of knew what was happenning, but since I hadn't said anything, she assumed, I guess, that I was okay with it. <P>BTW, we have another credit card, an AMEX that has to be paid in full every, month that has $19,000+ on it so we really have $100,000 in credit card debt. My H removed the statement from the office so I requested another one and it's being sent by express mail to my house. Suffice it to say, I'm having a really bad day. Everyone who knows my H is afraid for me of confronting him with my newfound awareness of our financial situation. I'm a nervous wreck. I'll post again after I speak with the lawyer.

Hi LetSTry,<P> I'm so glad you are going to see someone......please keep us posted. Thinking of you.....LU