To Those Of You Who Have Been Through This,<P>I've had two A's 11 yrs. apart in our 15 yr marriage. The first (EA/PA) lasted 3 wks., got caught, ended with hardly any withdrawals whatsoever. After H holding it against me for many yrs and other marriage problems, I had an A with my best friends H who had not hidden his feelings for me very well over the years. I just didn't handle myself very well at all back in July! That EA/PA lasted about 1 month. Got found out..felt forced to stay in marriage (also had hope that things might change as H was promising and they have for the most part). Had contact (phone, e-mail) on and off a couple of times until end of Oct. We have known each other for 13 yrs. and talked of getting married to each other, etc.) We have 5 kids, they have 4. Yeah, I know...how do people get themselves into such messes???<P>Anyway, my question is...even though I have tried at times to forget OM and think about all of the bad things about him to get my mind off of him, etc., he's still there (in my mind). Because of the 'total honesty' thing, my H knows this and it hurts him very much (understandably!). He is no longer the "I'll fight for you" type like he was when he first found out about the A. He feels that if I haven't forgotten about OM yet, that I'm never going to and that there is no way he can 'compete'. He mentions leaving somewhat often. <P>When it's good between us, it's really good. We both are good parents, nice people, etc. He is someone who alot of women would be madly in love with. I can't really figure out why I haven't been for years. <P>I've read lots of things on here about how it's best to stay and work things out and I really do want to. I'm just wondering...when will it stop being a struggle not to call the OM? When will songs, etc. quit reminding me of him? When will I quit picturing us together in later years?<P>Knowing that I still have feelings for the OM really hits my H hard some days and he feels like giving up. But I can't seem to tell myself to quit feeling what I'm feeling any more than he can 'will' himself to quit feeling hurt over all of this.<P>Advice from WS's would be great, but I'm sure that a few BS's would like to put their 2 cents in too and that o.k. with me. Just remember that I'm human, too, k? <P>KsGirl

My A has been over for 2 months and I'm just starting to have withdrawal symptoms NOW. Nothing major, but OM does cross my mind and in some ways I miss him - but not enough to ever contact him again.<P>It takes time for feelings to fade, and that time period is different for everyone. Be patient and don't be so hard on yourself.

Thanks for replying. It is weird how your withdrawal symptoms just started and at one point I thought mine were gone and now they seem to be growing with time. Don't you wish there was a 'make it all better' pill? <P>I hope things are going o.k. with you and your H. Is he taking all of it alright? How long have you been married?<P>Ksgirl<BR>